Would you cut ties with friend over her DS's bad behavior?
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Anonymous
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A good friend has a DS the same age as mine (7). The kids play together, but her child plays extremely rough. Cannot keep his hands to himself, and seems incapable of listening to instructions from adults. He was kicked out of 2 preschools and now a summer camp. His k and 1st grade teacher apparently suggested testing for ADHD, but my friend and her husband feel that he is "just being a boy." I haven't asked about any diagnoses from medical professionals, nor has she volunteered this information.
Tonight both families were at dinner. My son asked to go to the bathroom. The other boy ran back to the bathroom as well. After a couple of minutes I asked my husband to go check on them. He found them both in the same stall. The other boy had utinated on my son. My husband scolded him and the other boy said he thought my son was trying to pee on him. My son protested and I believe him, we have never had any issue remotely like that. My so is generally a well behaved child, no problems at school, etc. These friends are starting to talk about sleepovers, etc. We just say that our son isn't ready, even though our son has had sleepovers with other friends. I love my friend, I've known her since we before kids. I don't know what to do, but after toni |
Anonymous
| Keep the friend, but I would not invite them over as a family anymore or have her kids near your kids. |
Anonymous
| I'd distance myself form this family. |
Anonymous
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I did indeed have to ditch a friend over their child's behavior. He was much too rough, and she spoiled him silly (e.g., any toy my DS had and he commented that he wanted, he had by the next time we visited). Her DH was very uninvolved -- led to her DS being almost impossible to control and our DS acting out after every single visit.
I like spending time with her, but when it starts affecting my kid? That's where I draw the line. Maybe we'll be able to reconnect and do some ladies' night hang outs without the kids. But definitely no more activities where the kids are together. |
Anonymous
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Continued...
I'm not sure I can continue to bring my child around hers. I would like to remain friends, but cannot come right out and say that her son is a reason I don't want to Spend time together. It would be difficult to suggest girls nights out only because our routine has been to get together as a family. Am I being unreasonable to limit contact between the boys? Thanks for any advice. |
Anonymous
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Can't you just go out without the kids for a while?
Tell her you need a girls night out and keep it to the two of you. On a related note one of my best friends kids was a handful. I mean to be frank he was a bit of a jerk when he was younger. It was really surprising and I was happy our kids were so far apart in age. Now he is one of the sweetest, kindest kids ever. Stick it out with the mother b/c good mom friends can be hard to find and maybe in a few years the boys can be friends. |
Anonymous
| Keep your friend, but keep your son away from hers. Believe me, you don't want this influence in your child's life. |
Anonymous
| I'd keep the friend, but socialize only as adults without the kids. I'm sure your son will be relieved if you do this. |
Anonymous
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I would immediately cut ties with this child, not necessarily your friend. I would ensure that DS never had to see the other child at a voluntary social engagement again, starting now.
Most sorts of misbehavior from a fairly young kid I would be lenient and give more chances, but not that specific thing, not at 7 without a series explanation from your friend. |
Anonymous
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I I have a group of girlfriends and our kids have been friends since kindergarten and we don't have a problem telling each other when their kids act up. Matter-of-fact one mom in the group just told another mom about something there kid was doing on the Internet and the mom who was told was very grateful for the heads up.
I'm sorry, but now your child is peeing on my child we're going to have a discussion. |
Anonymous
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Not to hijack OPs thread, but I have a related question.
What if your child really likes the other child, how much/do you tell them about why they aren't playing together anymore? My situation is a bit milder than OPs, I a steering my child away but she really likes the other child and considers her a BF. We have distanced from the other family (myself included) but it has raised some awkward moments. |
Anonymous
Tell them that right now you don't like the other child's behavior and it's best that you don't play together until maybe the kids behavior improves. |
Anonymous
How old are the kids and what have they done? I think it sounds like many of you are helicopter parents of only children. |
Anonymous
| How did your friend behave when this happened? |
Anonymous
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Keep the friend, but don't let the boys be alone together for a few years.
My DS was kicked out of 3 preschools, and is now a great 4th grader, so I know kids can change (we had some developmental delay issues and had all types of therapy - vision, speech, OT. But, age 3 and 7 are different, and if the parents aren't doing anything....). You'll know by third grade if the kid is bad apple or not. (teen rebellion, being slightly different, but still tied to the kids core believes which are set by third grade usually) |