family visiting with dogs

[Anonymous]

Question for those who are dog lovers -- and maybe those, who, like me, are not:

My inlaws have two large & extremely furry dogs (to the point where they have to vacuum their house every day!). Inlaws live a day's drive away, and like to take the dogs with them on road trips. I'm not a fan of dogs in general, and in particular, these dogs are wild and hairy - I don't want them to stay with us. We also have a newborn, and I'm really not loving the idea of the dogs being around her.

When my husband and I lived in a condo, we told them there just wasn't space for the dogs to accompany them on visits (which was true, but inlaws were still upset to the point of MIL being tearful at being told dogs could not stay). We recently moved to a house, and the excuse of not having space isn't there anymore. But, I still don't want the dogs to visit.

I know I'm within my rights (and husband is on board) to say no to dogs visiting, but question for dog lovers -- is this just rude? I would be really unhappy having these dogs stay with us. But am I being inflexible by having inlaws pay for boarding of the dogs? Or (ideally) staying not with us but in a pet friendly hotel near by?

Suggestions on how to handle with minimal hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

Is this for real? You think you might be rude because you don't want to host your ils animals?

Your ils are rude. Say no and stick to no.

Op do you think it is appropriate for an adult to cry at being told no? You set a boundary and an adult is acting like a child about it. I hang up on or walk away from any adult who tries to use tears to get his/her way. That is the hallmark sign of a manipulator.

Just tell your mil you will talk with her when she is no longer emotional and acting like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those who are dog lovers -- and maybe those, who, like me, are not:

My inlaws have two large & extremely furry dogs (to the point where they have to vacuum their house every day!). Inlaws live a day's drive away, and like to take the dogs with them on road trips. I'm not a fan of dogs in general, and in particular, these dogs are wild and hairy - I don't want them to stay with us. We also have a newborn, and I'm really not loving the idea of the dogs being around her.

When my husband and I lived in a condo, we told them there just wasn't space for the dogs to accompany them on visits (which was true, but inlaws were still upset to the point of MIL being tearful at being told dogs could not stay). We recently moved to a house, and the excuse of not having space isn't there anymore. But, I still don't want the dogs to visit.

I know I'm within my rights (and husband is on board) to say no to dogs visiting, but question for dog lovers -- is this just rude? I would be really unhappy having these dogs stay with us. But am I being inflexible by having inlaws pay for boarding of the dogs? Or (ideally) staying not with us but in a pet friendly hotel near by?

Suggestions on how to handle with minimal hurt feelings?

I couldn't do it. Sorry. I tolerate dogs when I stay with people but I am really not a dog fan.

[Anonymous]

I'm a dog owner but I appreciate that not everyone likes dogs. I would never assume I could bring them with me when visiting friends or relatives, unless they specifically said "you must bring Rusty". For your family to assume they can bring their dogs is just rude.

Could you investigate whether there is a doggy day care or kennels near you, and what their terms are? That way you could present your family with the information about boarding their dogs overnight, or having them in daycare for much of the day as you really aren't happy about having dogs around your home for the length of their visit. Bear in mind that some daycare and kennels insist on neutered pets only and may require vaccination certificates. Also, in DC, these facilities are likely to be a lot more expensive than in your family's local area. Or, is there a pet-friendly hotel or guest house nearby that you could tell them about. If you give them all that information (as a "solution") there is a chance that they decide it is too much trouble or too expensive to bring their pets after all. If they complain then they're being unreasonable and rude.

[Anonymous]

I consider my dog family and while it would hurt to hear he wasn't invited (especially to a close family members house) I'd stop pushing if they gave me a firm no. I think you only need to have this conversation once. Don't say why the dogs aren't allowed, just say they can't come to your house.

[Anonymous]

Not rude of you. It's insanely rude of anyone to expect their dogs to be accomodated.
My sister and MIL like to travel with their dogs. We say absolutely not to our house. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

When we travel to our parents or siblings homes we bring our dog and they bring theirs. Same with out friends. I'm not sure id be offended but I probably wouldn't be able to visit if they didn't allow our dog. We do plan trips around the dog. Probably not what you want to hear. But I know we aren't unique.

We don't have children and we allow friends to bring theirs when they stay overnight. A toddler is insanely destructive but we couldn't really say no.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback (OP Here). I am feeling more confident in just saying no now. To the PP who stated it would be difficult to travel without her pets, I think that's how my inlaws feel. They are also really cost conscious and mention on many occasions (not related to visiting us) how expensive it is to board their dogs, but that they only do it at a top-of-the-line place, when they can't bring dogs with them.

If anyone has any specific strategies or wording we can use - other than keeping it generic, "no dogs, please", I'd appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

We live an hour from the my ILs, we have a dog, they dislike dogs. We time our visits so that we stay as long as we can then have to come home to the dog. It works fine. We are not offended and if the ILs are upset that we don't stay the night, they have not said anything.

[Anonymous]

This is PP. OP, I think you just say, "we don't want to host any pets" it's blunt but offers no room for excuses from the family.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird and manipulative for her to cry about not being able to bring her dogs somewhere.

Blame it on the pediatrician. Say he/she said no dogs around the newborn for some reason (eczema? Make something up).

[Anonymous]

Just say no. Our dogs are our babies, but I wouldn't ever expect them to be in someone's home if they weren't 100% wanted there. I'm picky about other dogs being in our house too, even though we have 2 big shedding dogs ourselves. Ever dog has different things that nonowners might be annoyed with!

I wouldn't use a fake excuse though. My exDIL used "dog allergies" as an excuse about not coming to our house sometimes. She grew up with shedding dogs and cats her whole life. Sometimes when she did come over she'd be laying on the floor with our dogs - no allergies.

Owning dogs is expensive, and part of that is boarding them sometimes. A pet friendly motel sounds good if they really need to bring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback (OP Here). I am feeling more confident in just saying no now. To the PP who stated it would be difficult to travel without her pets, I think that's how my inlaws feel. They are also really cost conscious and mention on many occasions (not related to visiting us) how expensive it is to board their dogs, but that they only do it at a top-of-the-line place, when they can't bring dogs with them.

If anyone has any specific strategies or wording we can use - other than keeping it generic, "no dogs, please", I'd appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

We don't allow the ILs dog, and it definitely creates tension. But DH agrees for many reasons that we don't want the dog here so we stick to our guns.

[Anonymous]

I have large, furry dogs too. I would never bring them uninvited to anyone's house, family or not.
Just say no to your IL's dogs. Pet owners who go on trips should have boarding arrangements set up.
If the ILs are pressed for funds and if you are able, maybe you can help with the boarding costs, though you also don't want to set a precedent. They could also bring the dogs but board them locally if they are concerned about leaving them home.