family visiting with dogs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider my dog family and while it would hurt to hear he wasn't invited (especially to a close family members house) I'd stop pushing if they gave me a firm no. I think you only need to have this conversation once. Don't say why the dogs aren't allowed, just say they can't come to your house.

You need to take any no as a NO. And stop "pushing".

[Anonymous]

OP, when they bring up how expensive it is, remember this is not your problem! Part of the expense of having pets is needing to board them or find alternative care when you are away. If you can't afford that, don't get pets or don't travel, but you don't get to complain about it and guilt family into hosting your animals.

I think saying "we're keeping our home pet-free" is enough. No explanations. Have your DH have the conversation. And then if she brings it up to you say something like "yes, we've decided not to have pets here. Oh Johnny is awake, do you want to hold him?".

[Anonymous]

Exactly! We have a dog and get a dog sitter/house sitter for this exact reason. Yes, it's more expensive but honestly I don't think animals like traveling as much as we do. When my BIL and SIL bring their dog to my MIL's for holidays, it's always chaos because the dogs are unaware of their new environment, skittish and trying to mark their territory. It's annoying and is the number one reason my family now stays at a hotel when we visit my MIL (even though she has space I just can't with the dogs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we travel to our parents or siblings homes we bring our dog and they bring theirs. Same with out friends. I'm not sure id be offended but I probably wouldn't be able to visit if they didn't allow our dog. We do plan trips around the dog. Probably not what you want to hear. But I know we aren't unique.

We don't have children and we allow friends to bring theirs when they stay overnight. A toddler is insanely destructive but we couldn't really say no.

I love dogs but going here is just INSANE. Here's why, dogs aren't fucking people, no matter how much you try to equate the two or how many damn sad Sarah McLaughlin commercials are on TV. You can board your dogs, you can't drop your toddler at a freaking vet's office for the weekend to play with others and sleep in a crate. Also your dog will 100% die after a relatively (compared to humans) life and you will move on, and even probably have more dogs. If you think its the same kind of courage it takes to "move on" if say, a 12 year old child died (vs. a 12 year old lab) then you are delusional. Kids can't be compared to dogs. They just can't.

+1 from the crazy dog lady.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 awesome dogs. They shed like crazy! I would never bring them to someone's house. I am embarrassed in my own home by the amount they shed. We rescued these mutts, but man the hair is just too much sometimes. And yes, I have to vacuum every day!

Why anyone would assume they can just bring their pets along is beyond me, and I don't care if they shed or not .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 awesome dogs. They shed like crazy! I would never bring them to someone's house. I am embarrassed in my own home by the amount they shed. We rescued these mutts, but man the hair is just too much sometimes. And yes, I have to vacuum every day!

Why anyone would assume they can just bring their pets along is beyond me, and I don't care if they shed or not .

Same here - two high maintenance, high shedding dogs that we love like crazy. Our home is their home. Family members homes - not so much. I can't relate to the people that want to bring their dogs to a home the dogs aren't welcome - that's just going to be stressful for the dogs (you know they'll get yelled at or scolded), stressful for you (managing the dogs above and beyond what you'd be doing at home), and stressful for the host that doesn't want them there. It's a recipe for everyone to have a bad time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we travel to our parents or siblings homes we bring our dog and they bring theirs. Same with out friends. I'm not sure id be offended but I probably wouldn't be able to visit if they didn't allow our dog. We do plan trips around the dog. Probably not what you want to hear. But I know we aren't unique.

We don't have children and we allow friends to bring theirs when they stay overnight. A toddler is insanely destructive but we couldn't really say no.

I love dogs but going here is just INSANE. Here's why, dogs aren't fucking people, no matter how much you try to equate the two or how many damn sad Sarah McLaughlin commercials are on TV. You can board your dogs, you can't drop your toddler at a freaking vet's office for the weekend to play with others and sleep in a crate. Also your dog will 100% die after a relatively (compared to humans) life and you will move on, and even probably have more dogs. If you think its the same kind of courage it takes to "move on" if say, a 12 year old child died (vs. a 12 year old lab) then you are delusional. Kids can't be compared to dogs. They just can't.

+1 from the crazy dog lady.

I like you, crazy dog lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we travel to our parents or siblings homes we bring our dog and they bring theirs. Same with out friends. I'm not sure id be offended but I probably wouldn't be able to visit if they didn't allow our dog. We do plan trips around the dog. Probably not what you want to hear. But I know we aren't unique.

We don't have children and we allow friends to bring theirs when they stay overnight. A toddler is insanely destructive but we couldn't really say no.

I love dogs but going here is just INSANE. Here's why, dogs aren't fucking people, no matter how much you try to equate the two or how many damn sad Sarah McLaughlin commercials are on TV. You can board your dogs, you can't drop your toddler at a freaking vet's office for the weekend to play with others and sleep in a crate. Also your dog will 100% die after a relatively (compared to humans) life and you will move on, and even probably have more dogs. If you think its the same kind of courage it takes to "move on" if say, a 12 year old child died (vs. a 12 year old lab) then you are delusional. Kids can't be compared to dogs. They just can't.

I 100% understand. I'm not placing dogs on the same level as children (not even close). BUT when our friends want to visit, it's them that we want to see, not their kids. We have babies/toddlers stay with us nearly every other month and they are very destructive, messy and break things. Pretty sure our friends would be highly offended if we asked them to get a hotel (most could not afford it- DC hotels are pricey) or told them not to visit. So we cope, try to corral breakables and try to plan kid friendly meals. And yes, even with kids there are alternatives: friend's DH could stay home with kids, grandparents could watch them, nanny, hotel.

[Anonymous]

Kids can be compared to dogs, or dinosaurs, or a kitchen table (they both have legs). That is what a comparison is -- you discuss similarities and differences. Both children and dogs can be adorable, difficult to manage, messy, destructive, loving, and prone to doing idiotic things. Children will grow out of that; dogs mostly won't. Dogs shed more, but can generally be left alone in a house while you go to work. Dogs sleep a lot more than kids. See how a comparison works?

OP, I totally agree with other posters that if you're not comfortable with the dogs, it's okay to say no. You'll probably have to accept that will mean less (and maybe no) visits from the ILs -- that may be an added benefit, or a disincentive. Boarding dogs is insanely expensive -- it was like $100/day to put our large dog someplace where he could be adequately cared for. (They charge extra for walks, medicine administration, everything basically.) If you really want them to visit, there may be ways to make it work -- but when you have a newborn, that's not the time to figure it out. We have actually hosted family dogs when family was staying with other family that did not want to host the dog -- we said fine, stay with the other family (and we'll pretend our feelings aren't hurt), and we'll take the dog to help you out.

I also agree not to lie or make up dumb excuses -- that's really transparent and breeds bad feelings.

[Anonymous]

Incidentally, my kids have broken WAY more things in other people's houses (and my own house) than my dog has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: friend's DH could stay home with kids, grandparents could watch them, nanny, hotel.

If you want to have a get-together with only your friend and not the kid, you can ask for that.

If I knew a friend were really unhappy about my bringing my kids with me (as unhappy as OP would be if the ILs brought their dogs), I would want to know that, and I would comply. If I didn't get to see my friend until it was possible to leave my kids behind, I'd adjust. Better than a visit when my host is counting the hours until we leave again.

[Anonymous]

We have never boarded our dog and never plan to. If a family member told us we could not bring our dog with us to visit I would completely understand, but we also wouldn't visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have never boarded our dog and never plan to. If a family member told us we could not bring our dog with us to visit I would completely understand, but we also wouldn't visit.

Yes. Boarding is pretty inhumane. My dog has come home numerous times so doped up on Benadryl that he can't walk. I just can't do it to him anymore as he's older now.

Just say no OP. You may burn a bridge, but at least you won't have the dog staying with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have never boarded our dog and never plan to. If a family member told us we could not bring our dog with us to visit I would completely understand, but we also wouldn't visit.

Yes. Boarding is pretty inhumane. My dog has come home numerous times so doped up on Benadryl that he can't walk. I just can't do it to him anymore as he's older now.

Just say no OP. You may burn a bridge, but at least you won't have the dog staying with you.

You are ridiculous, boarding is not inhumane. I've boarded my dogs at numerous facilities and they have NEVER been drugged and have a great time every time. What kind of cut rate, $5 a day facility were you using?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have never boarded our dog and never plan to. If a family member told us we could not bring our dog with us to visit I would completely understand, but we also wouldn't visit.

Works for me. Don't visit.