Dreading my family vacation

[Anonymous]

Ok so I just need to vent. Every year I go away with my DH and his family. I hate to say it, but I dread it every year. Our kids love it. They get to see their cousins and they love the beach. Every year, I literally get anxiety as the trip nears. We get stuck in traffic, I'm stuck with his family all week, and I'd rather be anywhere else. I have absolutely nothing in common with my DH's family, and it's painful to spend a week with them. My DH feels the same way, but we do it for the kids. I feel so awful, but it's the truth. Ok, vent over.

[Anonymous]

Go for 3 days.

The next year go for 2.

Then stop.

They need happy times with you guys more than they need time with their cousins.

[Anonymous]

Send the nanny with the kids. Go someplace exotic with husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send the nanny with the kids. Go someplace exotic with husband.

OP said the word nanny? Or you're under the impression that everyone has a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Don't you have any portable activities that you like? I get crazily bored at some family events so I just find stuff to take with me to do. That combined with my kids' love of family time (and some wine) makes for a very enjoyable trip. As an example, for Thanksgiving, I have a new scarf pattern that I'm going to learn to crochet.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it and I used to crave any excuse not to have family vacations with DH's family - our tastes were/are SO different and it was just torture.

I don't say this to make you feel guilty or anything else (I get the need to vent) but there are times I wish we had done just one or two of those trips I avoided. My MIL passed away unexpectedly several years ago and we had always assumed there would be more time for making memories. That's probably the reason we have pushed ourselves to have a couple of vacations with my side of the family and why we've offered to take vacations with FIL and SIL and her family, since. (My FIL and SIL have always said no, btw -- I suspect because for them, it wouldn't/won't be the same with Nana .

You can't 'force fun' and travel can be just from hell, but if you keep the positive parts of the attitude I see in your post (you know it sucks but you're doing it for your kids and their future memories), I suspect you can get through it a little less painfully. And I don't mean to be flippant, but if you can relax with a cocktail or glass of wine, please do so -- it's your vacation -- do everything you can to relax and to cope with what I totally get can feel like a punishment at best.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I get it. I like DH's family, but still hate spending a week with so many people under one roof. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the nanny with the kids. Go someplace exotic with husband.

OP said the word nanny? Or you're under the impression that everyone has a nanny?

A nanny with privileges!

[Anonymous]

I know the feeling, so I plan "outs." Like going for a walk/run on the beach, bringing a knitting project to work on, going to my room for a "nap," reading books, etc. I'm a giant introvert, so I have to find ways to recharge when in a house with a ton of people. I also often volunteer to do dishes--not because I especially like doing dishes, but because it gives me some down time in the kitchen. Maybe you and your husband could do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so I just need to vent. Every year I go away with my DH and his family. I hate to say it, but I dread it every year. Our kids love it. They get to see their cousins and they love the beach. Every year, I literally get anxiety as the trip nears. We get stuck in traffic, I'm stuck with his family all week, and I'd rather be anywhere else. I have absolutely nothing in common with my DH's family, and it's painful to spend a week with them. My DH feels the same way, but we do it for the kids. I feel so awful, but it's the truth. Ok, vent over.

Can you just send the DH and DC? Why put yourself throughout that kind of anti-vacation?

[Anonymous]

Oh hells no, OP. You need to make your own plans that week!

[Anonymous]

You don't like it. Your DH doesn't like it. So why are you putting yourselves through this? STOP. Go on vacation with your own family, do something you'll enjoy, and stop feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the person who suggested "outs" while you are there.
-A walk by yourself
-A nap (you don't have to sleep!)
-You and DH go see a rated R movie one afternoon/evening. You are so grateful to have family that can watch the kids--and they have fun with the cousins. (Reciprocate another evening).

Also agree with others that you can modify the length and frequency.
3 days instead of a week
Every other year instead of every year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so I just need to vent. Every year I go away with my DH and his family. I hate to say it, but I dread it every year. Our kids love it. They get to see their cousins and they love the beach. Every year, I literally get anxiety as the trip nears. We get stuck in traffic, I'm stuck with his family all week, and I'd rather be anywhere else. I have absolutely nothing in common with my DH's family, and it's painful to spend a week with them. My DH feels the same way, but we do it for the kids. I feel so awful, but it's the truth. Ok, vent over.

I have the same issue - I wind up not coming home recharged rather exhausted!

[Anonymous]

You are a grown person. You don't have to go if you don't want to. Take the gripe to your husband.