Dreading my family vacation

[Anonymous]

I think it is important for your kids to bond with cousins.

Get your own place close to the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Same situation here. I like my ILs but do not like spending a week with them in the same house. Miserable and exhausting. We now rent our own little house nearby which makes it so much more tolerable.

[Anonymous]

We stopped going. We don't enjoy it at all, and the annual event falls at a time that really doesn't work for us.

For the last two years, and for the next two I think, we have other things going on that mean we can't go. It's a relief!

I agree to plan things on your own. A walk, a run.. whatever. DH's family grouches at people who do that, but that's their problem. We aren't one big happy family and I won't pretend we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for 3 days.

The next year go for 2.

Then stop.

They need happy times with you guys more than they need time with their cousins.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

I have stopped going. Luckily I have been swamped at work, so I have had a good excuse. I went for years, telling myself it would be fun, but it is awful. I have no fun, there is never anyway for me to escape, and I often have to sleep on the floor we get sqished in a tiny room).

So this last winter I just said I wasn't going. What is really annoying is when I go I am given a list of things to bring and a night to cook. When I do not go, my husband gets zero responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Are you going with the gluten free family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have stopped going. Luckily I have been swamped at work, so I have had a good excuse. I went for years, telling myself it would be fun, but it is awful. I have no fun, there is never anyway for me to escape, and I often have to sleep on the floor we get sqished in a tiny room).

So this last winter I just said I wasn't going. What is really annoying is when I go I am given a list of things to bring and a night to cook. When I do not go, my husband gets zero responsibilities.

+1

Not to mention - who does the dishes when you don't show up? I always wondered, when I don't show up, who in the hell does the dishes? No, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get it and I used to crave any excuse not to have family vacations with DH's family - our tastes were/are SO different and it was just torture.

I don't say this to make you feel guilty or anything else (I get the need to vent) but there are times I wish we had done just one or two of those trips I avoided. My MIL passed away unexpectedly several years ago and we had always assumed there would be more time for making memories. That's probably the reason we have pushed ourselves to have a couple of vacations with my side of the family and why we've offered to take vacations with FIL and SIL and her family, since. (My FIL and SIL have always said no, btw -- I suspect because for them, it wouldn't/won't be the same with Nana .

You can't 'force fun' and travel can be just from hell, but if you keep the positive parts of the attitude I see in your post (you know it sucks but you're doing it for your kids and their future memories), I suspect you can get through it a little less painfully. And I don't mean to be flippant, but if you can relax with a cocktail or glass of wine, please do so -- it's your vacation -- do everything you can to relax and to cope with what I totally get can feel like a punishment at best.

Good luck.

OP. Thanks for your post. You gave some really great advice and I appreciate it. I will try to focus on the positives, grab some wine ,and treat myself to some alone time while I'm there. Thanks again for your post.

[Anonymous]

My ILs arrive tomorrow for 12 days and I am having major anxiety. We will be going to another location for one week in a vacation home. I am filled with dread!! The judgment. The passive aggression. The same old stories and agenda filled bragathons. The food tension. DREAD

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post! We go for less time. So instead of a week, we got for 2-3 nights. My usual tactic for dealing with them, at holidays etc, is to drink several glasses of wine. But while on vacation they like to super over schedule our evenings so I rarely have time to drink enough to take the edge off. It sucks! This year I'm pregnant so I plan on taking a lot of "naps" which means hiding in my room reading and needing to go to bed early, which means skipping all the evening forced fun (that's not fun). I also have a toddler so hopefully they'll be helpful with her and that will make me enjoy the trip more. Maybe. Remains to be seen. If it doesn't go well this year, I'm going to lobby to skip it next year altogether.

[Anonymous]

We're heading on vacation as well with difficult family. We are spending our money to take this trip because we think its important for the kid to have time with their cousins but its enormously stressful for us, logistically and psychologically. I'm already counting down the days until its over.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's what I've worked out fairly recently after deciding that life is too short and vacations too infrequent; I stay home.

Every summer, my ILs insist that my family of five join them and their daughter and her two children on a "free" vacation at their property. Ten people. Not so bad if we're talking about a huge OBX rental house or a multilevel townhouse or even three hotel rooms, right? How about a two bedroom, two bath condo? What if I also add that I have two teens (G/B) and a preteen?

So, in two weeks, DH and kids will go on vacation and I'll stay behind. no thanks.

[Anonymous]

I get to go to the beach , after driving 10 hours for what should be a 5-hour trip, and listen to my idiot Fox-news loving in-laws and my moronic and materialistic SIL ramble on and on about nonsense.

[Anonymous]

I tolerate everyone for 1 day and then I am just so, so busy with work. But I telework so I always have a good excuse.

[Anonymous]

Can you shorten the trip by 2 days? Say one of you didn't have enough vacation time or has to go back to work for a project or something...