Husband keeps mentioning one particular lady at work..?

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't like his job and is always complaining about his co-workers so I have been pleasantly surprised that he seemed to find one he liked in a new co-worker. He went out for her birthday a few weeks ago with other staff, something he has never done before, and keeps mentioning her in conversation. "Oh, she did this really funny thing today" "she says its bad to eat farm raised salmon.." Blah blah blah. He went out of town on business for a conference and just got back. He took a lot of pictures to show me and was excited to talk about it. when we were looking through his pictures, she was in every other one. Like the restaurant he went to on his night off, she's across from him. The animal farm the team visited, all of her holding various furry animals.

My alarm bells are going off. She's older, and is married but what does that mean nowadays. On the other hand, I'm glad he has a friend and he doenst seem to be talking or texting her outside of work. His only interactions seem to be work related. Green monster or something to keep an eye on? My husband is very quiet and shy and doesn't make friends easy. He also has no female friends though. Not sure what to make of this.

[Anonymous]

He also really quickly, on this trip said he had no down time except the one night for the restaurant. When he was changing for bed his back and shoulders were peeling like crazy, I asked him where he got sunburned and he seemed taken off guard and said it must be from our beach trip over a month ago. I said did you get to go to the pool and relax? And he said no. Clearly he's tan and peeling so he's been outside laying out. Why lie?

[Anonymous]

Well, IME, it is the ones that he is NOT mentioning that you have to worry about. Most guys are not going to rave to their wives about women they are actually interested in. But only you know your DH.

Could be that your DH, who does not make friends easy, is delighted to have made a friend.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned. I think there's alot to be said for women's intuition. The lie - about the laying out would be a red flag. They had down time - together - laying about at the pool or beach/whatnot. Not saying it wasn't innocent and perhaps he felt guilty just for that alone and decided not to let you know but it's still of concern.

Now that said, my concern may be the fact that perhaps you and DH haven't had conversations regarding friends of the opposite sex as it appears that it hasn't been an issue until now. So maybe it simply means having that - being on the same page with that and then feeling positive about the friendship (if that's all it is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, IME, it is the ones that he is NOT mentioning that you have to worry about. Most guys are not going to rave to their wives about women they are actually interested in. But only you know your DH.

Could be that your DH, who does not make friends easy, is delighted to have made a friend. [/quot

Agree. I would not be talking about a woman I am interested in to my wife.

[Anonymous]

My ex husband had a coworker he kept talking about. I didn't think much of it until I realized she was joining him on his business trips -- IN HIS ROOM. Came to discover after the fact that it is a very common sign of an affair when your husband talks about a coworker like that. Typically looking back you can always see the signs, they talk about them like they would any crush.

[Anonymous]

I'd invite her and her husband over for dinner with a few other couples and figure this out. You might be blowing it out of proportion, but you might not. And if they really are just friends, she will have no issues talking to you and being around you.

[Anonymous]

My (male) colleague basically had OCD when it came to a another (female) colleague. It was like he wanted to stop mentioning her, and found himself unable to do so. They were totally sleeping together.

[Anonymous]

The need to mention someone so much is a definite sign of being really taken by them. Could be friends, could be more. He may be having trouble sorting it out himself, if he hasn't been used to having women friends. Anything one feels a need to hide from a spouse is something to be questioned. You need to do something.

Your alarm bells are right to go off. Always listen to them.

What does he say to having her and her husband over for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The need to mention someone so much is a definite sign of being really taken by them. Could be friends, could be more. He may be having trouble sorting it out himself, if he hasn't been used to having women friends. Anything one feels a need to hide from a spouse is something to be questioned. You need to do something.

Your alarm bells are right to go off. Always listen to them.

What does he say to having her and her husband over for dinner?

+1. You DH is besotten with this woman not smart enough to filter all his comments about her to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband had a coworker he kept talking about. I didn't think much of it until I realized she was joining him on his business trips -- IN HIS ROOM. Came to discover after the fact that it is a very common sign of an affair when your husband talks about a coworker like that. Typically looking back you can always see the signs, they talk about them like they would any crush.

That could have been a way a company was trying to save money. Hotel costs are not cheap, even if a per diem is in place.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has had an emotional affair… this is bad, I’m sorry. I talked about my EA guy to my husband all the time. It’s a way to make it seem like it’s just an innocent friendship when he knows he’s got feelings for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband had a coworker he kept talking about. I didn't think much of it until I realized she was joining him on his business trips -- IN HIS ROOM. Came to discover after the fact that it is a very common sign of an affair when your husband talks about a coworker like that. Typically looking back you can always see the signs, they talk about them like they would any crush.

That could have been a way a company was trying to save money. Hotel costs are not cheap, even if a per diem is in place.

Oh right, they're putting men and women coworkers in hotel rooms together. Sure, makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Well, clearly the women know what a man is thinking better than the men who are responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband had a coworker he kept talking about. I didn't think much of it until I realized she was joining him on his business trips -- IN HIS ROOM. Came to discover after the fact that it is a very common sign of an affair when your husband talks about a coworker like that. Typically looking back you can always see the signs, they talk about them like they would any crush.

That could have been a way a company was trying to save money. Hotel costs are not cheap, even if a per diem is in place.

I am the above poster. No, he took her along as his guest. She was a low level secretary with absolutely no reason to be on that trip and he was an executive. They were sleeping together. They had a full on affair and I divorced him for it, and other reasons. But that excuse sounds like something my ex husband would have come up with.