Husband keeps mentioning one particular lady at work..?

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of thing where I might say something, even if jokingly (but with an undertone of "I'm not joking"). Something along the lines of, "Aha, I hear you constantly talking about so-and-so. Would it be right to say you have maybe a liiiiiiiiittle professional and personal crush on her? Do I need to call _______ [insert name of stereotypical thug; take your ethnic pic--I always go for something German (my ethnicity) or Italian (my husband's)] and arrange a 'slip in the shower'?"

If that humor's too macabre for your taste, adjust.

[Anonymous]

He needs to meet her husband. A double date isn't a bad idea.

There are other reasons for sunburn. Maybe he got it cutting the grass? Maybe he was burned through his shirt. I'd let that one go.

[Anonymous]

Definitely something to keep an eye on. I like the direct approach - inviting her and her husband over for dinner. Also, have you two grown apart? Maybe it's time to ramp up some affection and fondness between you.

[Anonymous]

My husband goes out of town and out of state often and has never EVER shared a hotel room with anyone. Companies don't do that. All it takes is a hint of sexual harassment and the company is in deep shit. I don't care what money is saved, room sharing DOES NOT HAPPEN.

Smoke = Fire

If he lied about a sunburn he damn well will lie about an affair. If it hasn't become physical, it will.

Nip that shit now !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to meet her husband. A double date isn't a bad idea.

There are other reasons for sunburn. Maybe he got it cutting the grass? Maybe he was burned through his shirt. I'd let that one go.

What are the reasons for lying about sunburn, though?

OP, I bet he is attracted to her at some level and trying to keep himself on the up-and-up by talking to you about it.

[Anonymous]

The lying about the sunburn would have my antenna up. It could be that he has a crush and it's going to go nowhere, especially since the other woman is married. I was single into my late 30's, and worked in a male dominated industry. I was outgoing and friendly, and I know more than once there was a co-worker with a crush on me. Nothing ever came of it - I'd never have dated a married man. And truthfully I was never interested in any of them that way. I think I'd set up something social so you can meet this woman and her husband. Take some of the mystery out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband goes out of town and out of state often and has never EVER shared a hotel room with anyone. Companies don't do that. All it takes is a hint of sexual harassment and the company is in deep shit. I don't care what money is saved, room sharing DOES NOT HAPPEN.

Smoke = Fire

If he lied about a sunburn he damn well will lie about an affair. If it hasn't become physical, it will.

Nip that shit now !

I work for a cheap NGO and have shared with a male colleague when money was tight on a project. No funny business.

[Anonymous]

The combination of his being up front but also seeming a little sneaky / overly interested is probably because at this point, he has NO CLUE what he is doing. He is getting himself into trouble bit by bit and hopes that being up front will halt that, or make it guileless.

i think you need to have a talk with him, ask some very basic questions like "do you feel strongly for this woman" and help him see where he is headed if its not stopped now.

Believe me I lived through this with a man I lived with for many years (not my DH) and its classic.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to be snarky but how's your sex life?

If you fuck on a regular basis, this is innocent.

If you've lapsed into a roommate situation, he may be forgetting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband goes out of town and out of state often and has never EVER shared a hotel room with anyone. Companies don't do that. All it takes is a hint of sexual harassment and the company is in deep shit. I don't care what money is saved, room sharing DOES NOT HAPPEN.

Smoke = Fire

If he lied about a sunburn he damn well will lie about an affair. If it hasn't become physical, it will.

Nip that shit now !

When I've traveled on Congressional business (staffer) we shared rooms. They would only do same sex rooms though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean to be snarky but how's your sex life?

If you fuck on a regular basis, this is innocent.

If you've lapsed into a roommate situation, he may be forgetting boundaries.

That would be true if it was an affair, but for a burgeoning affair where they are not yet physical I expect he could seem normal and enthusiastic in the bedroom .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband had a coworker he kept talking about. I didn't think much of it until I realized she was joining him on his business trips -- IN HIS ROOM. Came to discover after the fact that it is a very common sign of an affair when your husband talks about a coworker like that. Typically looking back you can always see the signs, they talk about them like they would any crush.

That could have been a way a company was trying to save money. Hotel costs are not cheap, even if a per diem is in place.

I am the above poster. No, he took her along as his guest. She was a low level secretary with absolutely no reason to be on that trip and he was an executive. They were sleeping together. They had a full on affair and I divorced him for it, and other reasons. But that excuse sounds like something my ex husband would have come up with.

Thanks for clarifying.

[Anonymous]

Your alarm bells are justified. He may not be having an affair with her, but it sounds like he has a crush and could be headed in that direction.

[Anonymous]

way forward for OP:

--Get this couple into your social circle. A man once made me his OW (lied to me about his name) and I later discovered he was doing this (talking to his wife about me a lot like I was a new friend).
--Start an open conversation with DH about his attraction--he may not even recognize it yet (I had a shy bf who ended up having an affair with a coworker, and I knew he'd do it with that particular person before he did).
--Whatever the sex frequency is, get it up to at least 2x a week. 3-4 if you can manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband goes out of town and out of state often and has never EVER shared a hotel room with anyone. Companies don't do that. All it takes is a hint of sexual harassment and the company is in deep shit. I don't care what money is saved, room sharing DOES NOT HAPPEN.

Smoke = Fire

If he lied about a sunburn he damn well will lie about an affair. If it hasn't become physical, it will.

Nip that shit now !

I think you are confusing the OP with another PP.