My son drove me nuts yesterday
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Anonymous
| He is 8 and has done well as a kid living with ADHD, but here are the issues: he doesn't want to do things that he doesn't want to do (e.g., go with me to the library or grocery store) and he gets obsessed with issues or topics (e.g., we had to go to apple store and he asked me about 100x for an itouch to which I said "no" and just ignored after that. Then he got into his head that he wanted a dog and could we go to a breeder NOW and this went on and on with sulking and yelling that he never gets anything almost all night. He is a wonderful kid and has improved so much (no meds bc he's done grest at school with friends. Academics etc. ) but he can be so difficult. It's exhausting and makes me sad when I just feel like I am not enjoying being with him. We are off this week and I am trying to be structured, but it's tough given that I need to do projects around the house and do errands. He has plenty of fun stuff to do btw: the pool, play dates, ice cream with mom and brother etc. it's just exhausting to be with him at times and to stay calm.... His personality is so different from mine. When he gets hyper and kooky, I try to let it go, but I hate it... Just not my nature. Thx for listening... Hopefully today will be better. I know I probably should have out him in camp, but he often refuses camp so we took off re: camp in hopes that the pool, play dates and activities with mom and his brother would suffice. |
Anonymous
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I feel you. We're being driven a bit crazy ourselves this week. 9-yr-old DC has been doing great for the most part but is now going through a rebellious phase of defiance, rudeness, disrespectful treatment, some meanness, and blame-casting. Combine this with a long history of perseveration and narrow interests and you have a prescription for driving parents crazy. DC has long struggled with the perseveration and narrow interests but at the same time was cheerful, eager-to-please, and positive, making it much easier for us to help with the tough stuff. We're going to have to fasten our seat belts to deal productively with these issues during a phase of rebellion. . .
Right now the rudeness is mostly directed to us, which we can handle, and not to teachers or other authority figures, who still get DC's best effort and love DC. Trying to nip this in the bud before this causes DC social harm and renders DC a much less attractive classmate. . . |
Anonymous
| OP here: Thx PP... this is what we are experiencing. Interestingly, he does great with kids and their parents and improved tremendously with teachers over the years. But the thing that made me sad yesterday was that I didn't enjoy hanging out with him. I was squelching my annoyance (b/c I told him many times) and it was just exhausting. Then of course I wound of screaming in the end and I felt like shit. He is a hard kid. I never say this aloud, but it is very interesting b/c his brother is so easy in comparison. They have grown up in the same household.... it is what it is. Amazing how I could be so angry and annoyed and then love that kid to pieces.... |
Anonymous
| Think about what it must feel like to be him and not be able to slow down his brain. I am sure he knows on some level that he is driving you crazy. I am a special ed teacher and I just don't understand why so many parents refuse meds for their kids with ADHD. I get that meds are not desirable for anyone, but when kids struggle it is heartbreaking to me, because I know what a difference meds can make. It is not good for his brain to be all over the place, either. I can see having breaks from meds and that it is difficult to find the right med and may take a lot of trial and error, but they can help many kids so much. I know it is your choice as a parent. I would just try to imagine what it is like in his shoes. Try the website www.understood.org. |
Anonymous
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I have a 8 yr old with ASD, Asperger's, and ADHD, combined type, who is medicated, Focalin XR, but not in the summer. Meds are not going to help with obsessive interests/perseveration and rigidity. It may help with the hyperactivity, attention/focus, and impulsivity.
We had only started meds this March and will go back on them when school starts. DS does well academically with or without meds but he seems "happier" on meds, more confident and less depressed. Other than that the other main difference on meds is that he is more social and less hyper. He was never impulsive. No personality changes. He is who he is. It's hard.... |
Anonymous
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Is there a bit of Asperger's going on there? I'm asking because my 10 year son has both and it's sometimes impossible to say whether some of his behavior is perseverance stemming from Asperger's or hyperfocus coming from ADHD. He, too, will get fixated on certain subjects. I have no compunction in shutting this down, and no guilt at getting annoyed with him. After all, these kids know we love them. They also need to understand how to fit into society and that some behaviors will impede social and professional interactions. |
Anonymous
Because you're not their parent, and can't understand that a short-term gain may mean a long-term loss. If you're a special ed teacher in a public school, you may be narrowly focusing on success in class, during the course of a year. Of course we suffer from seeing our children suffer. We're not made of stone. But as a scientist, I can tell you that on average, medication stops working after a few years, and that often children who are medicated do not acquire the behavioral and critical thinking tools they need to manage their disorder themselves as grown-ups, because meds are their crutch. Ideally, meds should never be given without a cognitive behavioral management program, but hardly anybody does that seriously. Think again. |
Anonymous
| Op here: thanks for your comments. I haven't refused meds-- he just hasn't needed them. He doesn't have an iep and I can't even get a 504 plan bc he is doing too well. I hear what the special ed teacher is saying. Believe it or not, I am an SLP and I work with kids with ADHD and autism (didn't mention initially bc I feel so bad that I can help others and have so much difficulty myself!) so I get it re: some kids need meds. Up til now he hasn't. If we think he does, we will be open to it. I just needed to vent bc some days it is so hard. And I know his little brain is going bananas. I have a lot of empathy for others who have kids who are super challenging (both as a parent and professionally). Thank you... |
Anonymous
Puberty hormones. |
Anonymous
NP. I'm glad you posted this. I have two SN kids - both incorrectly diagnosed at one point or another. One ADHD child turned out to have Asperger's which was missed by five testers - now as an adult it is very obvious that DC is autistic but wasn't when younger. Meanwhile, other ADHD kid turned out not to have ADHD - and that one hated medication. So what I'm guess I'm trying to say kindly is based upon your description, OP, I would advise more testing unless you've recently had it done (every 3 years is a good idea) because there may be more going on here than ADHD. |
Anonymous
| Apparently my son has several long lost twins. I had to stop and think whether I wrote some of these posts, but I haven't been on here in 24 hours. |
Anonymous
LOL +1 |
Anonymous
So PP, 5 testers got it wrong and you choose to believe the results of 1 tester instead? That's your prerogative but not every quirky or irritating behavior = ASD. |
Anonymous
| OP: at that age, your DS may still benefit from a mini-trampoline. When my DS got annoying, I asked him to let me have a break and go jump for 10 mins. It helped me - movement helped him. He's older and now takes himself to go kick a soccer ball. Bye kid...don't come back for an hour.... |
Anonymous
This is how I feel about my mother who has some kind of undiagnosed issue. Probably ADHD. She is utterly exhausting in the way you describe and I can't spend too long with her because I will break and lash out at her. She is in her 60's now and has never "found herself." I get so tired of her constantly changing pet interests that consume her. She just can't understand why I don't share her enthusiasm or want to make some drastic life change at the drop of a hat. I love her so much though. I often envy my dad because he could just divorce her and be done. It's not like that for parent-child relations as you know. |