My son drove me nuts yesterday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: at that age, your DS may still benefit from a mini-trampoline. When my DS got annoying, I asked him to let me have a break and go jump for 10 mins. It helped me - movement helped him. He's older and now takes himself to go kick a soccer ball. Bye kid...don't come back for an hour....

My 7 year old DD (HFA) would jump on our mini trampoline for HOURS! She's actually broken several of them over the years. It's her release and a lot of times she'll ask if she can go jump. It helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 8 and has done well as a kid living with ADHD, but here are the issues: he doesn't want to do things that he doesn't want to do (e.g., go with me to the library or grocery store) and he gets obsessed with issues or topics (e.g., we had to go to apple store and he asked me about 100x for an itouch to which I said "no" and just ignored after that. Then he got into his head that he wanted a dog and could we go to a breeder NOW and this went on and on with sulking and yelling that he never gets anything almost all night. He is a wonderful kid and has improved so much (no meds bc he's done grest at school with friends. Academics etc. ) but he can be so difficult. It's exhausting and makes me sad when I just feel like I am not enjoying being with him. We are off this week and I am trying to be structured, but it's tough given that I need to do projects around the house and do errands. He has plenty of fun stuff to do btw: the pool, play dates, ice cream with mom and brother etc. it's just exhausting to be with him at times and to stay calm.... His personality is so different from mine. When he gets hyper and kooky, I try to let it go, but I hate it... Just not my nature. Thx for listening... Hopefully today will be better. I know I probably should have out him in camp, but he often refuses camp so we took off re: camp in hopes that the pool, play dates and activities with mom and his brother would suffice.

I could have *written* this about my ADHD son, also eight and also no meds. I think (at least in my son's case) he has difficulty when things seem arbitrary-- (i.e. we did this fun thing yesterday, but not today. Or we made an exception to a particular rule yesterday, but won't today). It's not about the fun stuff you're doing with your DS, it's about being able to handle disappointment when it crops up. If your son is like mine, he hyper focuses on something that he wants (iPad time, ice cream) and quickly ramps up if he's told no. It makes no difference whether he had ice cream or iPAD recently-- it's about what he's focused on "right now." I have found a few things that help, but don't solve, the issue:

1. Advance expectations. For instance, "we are going to the store and will only buy these items." A broad written schedule the night before that is visible in the morning may help-- especially if you have errands and things to do.
2. Some common sense rules with few exceptions so that situations are predictable. I have fewer battles and find it easier to ignore whining if I have told him "no" in advance, and he's trying to push boundaries.
3. I would not engage with your son when he does this stuff except to say no once more- then remain silent on the topic, even when he's whining or angry. He's looking to draw you into arguments and debates. The best way to show that "no" is final, is to keep silent on the topic and show that you have moved on.
4. Camp is great-- ADHD kids may have difficulty with downtime-- but they need it to build skills. I've felt the urge to stack the summer with camps because of these battles, but if I do that, my DS won't learn how to accept "no," entertain himself, control his emotions at home, etc. A balance of camps and home is good-- if you have the time for teach skills. When things are too busy at home and I know my son can't cope, we do camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 8 and has done well as a kid living with ADHD, but here are the issues: he doesn't want to do things that he doesn't want to do (e.g., go with me to the library or grocery store) and he gets obsessed with issues or topics (e.g., we had to go to apple store and he asked me about 100x for an itouch to which I said "no" and just ignored after that. Then he got into his head that he wanted a dog and could we go to a breeder NOW and this went on and on with sulking and yelling that he never gets anything almost all night. He is a wonderful kid and has improved so much (no meds bc he's done grest at school with friends. Academics etc. ) but he can be so difficult. It's exhausting and makes me sad when I just feel like I am not enjoying being with him. We are off this week and I am trying to be structured, but it's tough given that I need to do projects around the house and do errands. He has plenty of fun stuff to do btw: the pool, play dates, ice cream with mom and brother etc. it's just exhausting to be with him at times and to stay calm.... His personality is so different from mine. When he gets hyper and kooky, I try to let it go, but I hate it... Just not my nature. Thx for listening... Hopefully today will be better. I know I probably should have out him in camp, but he often refuses camp so we took off re: camp in hopes that the pool, play dates and activities with mom and his brother would suffice.

I could have *written* this about my ADHD son, also eight and also no meds. I think (at least in my son's case) he has difficulty when things seem arbitrary-- (i.e. we did this fun thing yesterday, but not today. Or we made an exception to a particular rule yesterday, but won't today). It's not about the fun stuff you're doing with your DS, it's about being able to handle disappointment when it crops up. If your son is like mine, he hyper focuses on something that he wants (iPad time, ice cream) and quickly ramps up if he's told no. It makes no difference whether he had ice cream or iPAD recently-- it's about what he's focused on "right now." I have found a few things that help, but don't solve, the issue:

1. Advance expectations. For instance, "we are going to the store and will only buy these items." A broad written schedule the night before that is visible in the morning may help-- especially if you have errands and things to do.
2. Some common sense rules with few exceptions so that situations are predictable. I have fewer battles and find it easier to ignore whining if I have told him "no" in advance, and he's trying to push boundaries.
3. I would not engage with your son when he does this stuff except to say no once more- then remain silent on the topic, even when he's whining or angry. He's looking to draw you into arguments and debates. The best way to show that "no" is final, is to keep silent on the topic and show that you have moved on.
4. Camp is great-- ADHD kids may have difficulty with downtime-- but they need it to build skills. I've felt the urge to stack the summer with camps because of these battles, but if I do that, my DS won't learn how to accept "no," entertain himself, control his emotions at home, etc. A balance of camps and home is good-- if you have the time for teach skills. When things are too busy at home and I know my son can't cope, we do camp.

OP-- pp here again. I didn't ask, but does your son see a behavioral therapist? My DS visits a therapist for cognitive behavioral therapy-- I am serious when I said our son's sound very similar. His therapist is starting work with reframing situations-- it can help with delayed gratification or taking a big picture view. For instance, the electronic may not happen now, but there may be a path toward it-- a holiday or some other specified time. There may be a way to earn it with extra chores. I think CBT is a long haul with no guarantees- it depends on how much the ADHD impacts functioning (how severe it is) and how motivated your son is to change his behavior. I'm neutral on meds for the time being, but if the ADHD is very severe, therapy alone may not be successful. We're told our DS's ADHD is mild to moderate, but I can see obvious functioning issues in terms of social relationships, classroom attentiveness, etc. even with a mild to moderate diagnosis.