Sibling won't pay for expenses - and keeps inheritances
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Anonymous
| We have had one or two losses in the family over the years, and are about to have another one (sick family member). My sibling has a knack for having everything signed over to them, and keeping the jewelry, photos, etc. of the deceased family member. Sibling has a ton of time and sneakiness to do this, obviously. Sibling always wants financial help with funeral expenses, and always claims poor mouth (after practically robbing the deceased). I would really like a memento or two from the deceased (they have been close family members, unfortunately). Sibling is well practiced by now, sadly. I am thinking about saying: "no jewelry/photos, then no help with funeral expenses". Any suggestions here? Have you been through this? |
Anonymous
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More info needed.
Who is dying? How is inheritance being split? Who is executor? |
Anonymous
| Unless the jewelry is in the Will there is not way to claim rights to it. You can refuse to pay but that also seems very...Klassy |
Anonymous
To be fair if either there's no will or something's not mentioned in the will (e.g. "I leave A to Larlo, B to Larla, C to Bob, and D to Jane" is in the will but no mention of the $10MM townhouse or $100MM in stock") wouldn't things go to probate where they'd go to the wife, parents, children, or whatever order the next of kin is in that state? If the sibling charms the decedent into naming sibling in the will, not much that can be done, really. If the sibling is walking off with $1000s of jewelry, etc., before everything can be disposed of per the will's instructions, isn't that theft? In that case a lawyer is needed, maybe even police, but that's the sort of thing that can really break up a family, be prepared to have sides drawn and to have you possibly be the loser if this sibling is as charming as you say ("Oh, Aunt Millie wanted me to have these things but couldn't get around to putting it into the will, OP is just causing drama!") IANAL ... |
Anonymous
Sibling is executor and other designated titles - resulting in everything going to sibling. Sibling tends to accompany dying person to attorney on the sly. No wills in family - just trusts are set up, so nothing is public. I have leverage because sibling wants extra money from me (for funeral expenses, sibling wants every penny of deceased's money for sibling's self); and thinks I do not know about (sibling's) very calculated arrangement. I am looking to use my leverage in light of what sibling has pulled. Looking for opinions on how, from those who have been through situations with underhanded siblings. I am actually not soliciting opinions on the actual situation, as it exists. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I should add: sibling has left a documented trail of lies and witnesses, so I have all of the evidence I need. For example: claims jewelry was "sold" when it was not; and claims expenses covered by insurance that I put in place.
I am just using my position, given the circumstances. I am not here to explain myself, I am here for opinions from people who have been through this. Thanks. |
Anonymous
I have been through similar but I'm trying to understand. You sibling is executor? So yes there must be a will or a trust. You say there is a trust. So, you sibling gets all the trust money? You don't have a leg to stand on. |
Anonymous
I think you are lying. How can we offer opinions when you won't explain the situation. I think you are the problem in the dynamic. |
Anonymous
Yes, if the sibling is able to charm dying relatives into creating trusts naming sibling as beneficiary or what have you, then it's going to be tough! |
Anonymous
There would be lawyers involved. Sibling isn't charming anyone. OP said this would be the second or third time this is happening. Sounds like OP is jealous. |
Anonymous
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Watch videos on you tube for having difficult conversations or read a few articles on it to see what approach feels right for you.
I would recommend that you try and get in front of it. Remind people of the special relationship you had, how much this person meant to you. Ask to do a eulogy (if it is that type of service). It is a lot easier to ask for something when people know how special the relationship was and why it was important to you. |
Anonymous
| Your writing is horrible, confusing and makes no sense. Try starting over and making it plain. A bunch of 'sibling is sly', sibling makes himself executor' makes no damn sense. |
Anonymous
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When people die you see the worst come out of the people that remain. There's nothing like a death in the family to let you know who the true scumbags are.
A buddy of mine drank himself to death. While he was on his deathbed in the hospital his relatives cleaned out his place. The doctors apparently told them that he was going to die. I'm the one that got him checked into the hospital and they wouldn't share anything with me, as I was not family. They lived in another state. The took his vehicles and belongings back to the state that they live in. Humans are amazing to watch as they grab for things that aren't theirs! true pieces of work! |
Anonymous
| To the OP, you are not in a position of power. I would not give the estate any funds to bury the relative. Let the estate cover the costs. |
Anonymous
+1. Stop trying to hide genders and be more specific. "My sister has taken items form the last two relative deaths." "Another family member is about to die and he is leaving everything to my sister." "I don't want to pay towards the funeral if there is money from the estate to cover it." "I would like mementos from my uncle who passed away, but am not sure how to ask for them effectively." |