estranged mom might be showing up on my doorstep

[Anonymous]

I just learned from a relative that my mom is driving hundreds of miles to visit me. I haven't talked to her in months because her mental illness (bipolar) has gotten out of control. I tried to help, but it became clear to me that all I could do was protect myself by limiting contact.

If she shows up, what do I do?? Hide? Don't answer the door? She is totally crazy and unpredictable. I've been scared all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just learned from a relative that my mom is driving hundreds of miles to visit me. I haven't talked to her in months because her mental illness (bipolar) has gotten out of control. I tried to help, but it became clear to me that all I could do was protect myself by limiting contact.

If she shows up, what do I do?? Hide? Don't answer the door? She is totally crazy and unpredictable. I've been scared all day.

I'd call the non-emergency police line to give them a heads up. Then you have something on record, which (I think) would help if you then wanted to file a restraining order.

[Anonymous]

Google DWIL. It's called a "lawn tantrum". They're used to it. It's a rough crowd over there, but they make a lot of sense when you're dealing with difficult family members.

[Anonymous]

Lock your doors. If you don't want to see her don't answer the door. Have the number for non emergency police handy.

[Anonymous]

I actually have some experience with this - my mom is bi-polar and I've been estranged from her for 18 months now (absolutely no contact).

You can send her a "no-contact" letter certified (so that she can't say she didn't get it). If she shows up you are well within your rights to not answer the door and call the police.

[Anonymous]

What exactly are you afraid of?

If you feel you are in danger, don't hesitate to lock all doors and call the policem since she would be trespassing.

However, it may calm you to think about what your fears are, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually have some experience with this - my mom is bi-polar and I've been estranged from her for 18 months now (absolutely no contact).

You can send her a "no-contact" letter certified (so that she can't say she didn't get it). If she shows up you are well within your rights to not answer the door and call the police.

You are ALWAYS well within your rights not to answer the door.

[Anonymous]

What might she do, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She has done a TON of crazy things over the years. I don't want to post the identifying details here, but trust me, it's been bad. Multiple hospitalizations for mental illness.
Things that I think she could do: scream at me, sit outside bawling for hours, damage our property... who knows- with gun laws being what they are, maybe she bought one and wants to threaten us. She's unpredictable.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a friend or DH to come over and be with you? An independent person may be able to help judge if there is actual physical danger, or just mental torture for you.

[Anonymous]

Call the police non emergency number now and talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Can you leave for a day?
Gobstsybat a hotel ?

[Anonymous]

I also vote for going away. A perfect excuse to do a mini getaway.

Are you married? Kids?

[Anonymous]

Married, no kids, but have a dog. My husband is saying I should go to a hotel; he'll stay behind

[Anonymous]

Oh, and BTW she did show up at our door. We didn't answer, and she went away.
I'm totally on edge, cause I know she'll come back.