estranged mom might be showing up on my doorstep

[Anonymous]

Leave! Just do a weekend at a hotel.
Glad you've got such a supportive DH!
Good luck, OP. I'll be thinking of you. Check back in and let us know how things are going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has done a TON of crazy things over the years. I don't want to post the identifying details here, but trust me, it's been bad. Multiple hospitalizations for mental illness.
Things that I think she could do: scream at me, sit outside bawling for hours, damage our property... who knows- with gun laws being what they are, maybe she bought one and wants to threaten us. She's unpredictable.

She saves all this just for you? Who normally sees it?

[Anonymous]

She lives by herself. I'm an only child.

[Anonymous]

Go to the beach for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has done a TON of crazy things over the years. I don't want to post the identifying details here, but trust me, it's been bad. Multiple hospitalizations for mental illness.
Things that I think she could do: scream at me, sit outside bawling for hours, damage our property... who knows- with gun laws being what they are, maybe she bought one and wants to threaten us. She's unpredictable.

Don't answer the door. Don't engage. Hide. Call police if she loiters.

[Anonymous]

Update?

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, did she come back? I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[Anonymous]

I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

You know that by calling her you are encouraging her to engage and come back, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

You know that by calling her you are encouraging her to engage and come back, don't you?

Do you have constructive suggestions for what OP CAN do besides sitting home in dread?

[Anonymous]

OP, it might help to read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker which talks about the strategy of not engaging with crazy people. I don't know if it's needed with your mom but it is one approach to consider. So sorry you're going through this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

You know that by calling her you are encouraging her to engage and come back, don't you?

I thought about that. I kept the conversation very, very short. It really wasn't more than that. I blocked her number immediately after the call. I don't think it was encouraging her to engage...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

You know that by calling her you are encouraging her to engage and come back, don't you?

I thought about that. I kept the conversation very, very short. It really wasn't more than that. I blocked her number immediately after the call. I don't think it was encouraging her to engage...?

With a blocked number can you still tell if she is trying to call? I would want to know if she is. Otherwise you are kind of flying blind on her whereabouts or intents.

[Anonymous]

I can tell if she's left a voicemail-- but not if she just calls and doesn't leave a message

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I packed an overnight bag and checked into a hotel.

According to our security camera she didn't come back. i called her, told her it wasn't ok to come to our house. She said "fine. I'm going home"

So, color me surprised that nothing more has happened.

Of course, she could be lying. Or she could do this again at a later date. But for now... I guess things are ok for now.

You know that by calling her you are encouraging her to engage and come back, don't you?

Do you have constructive suggestions for what OP CAN do besides sitting home in dread?

I'm sorry I wasn't more clear - 'Don't have any contact with your mother, OP. Any contact is engagement on only encourages her to act in ways that get your attention.'