Grandma with Cough Helping with Infants - Help me with the drama!

[Anonymous]

I have newborn twins that were born at 36 weeks and spent a week in the hospital, one because his lungs were not fully developed. They've been home for the hospital for a week. My mother came to visit and help for a month. She is not due to leave for 2.5 more weeks but has developed a really deep cough. She is sucking on cough drops and has been insisting that she just has allergies. Neither DH nor I think that all she has are allergies, although we don't know if it is contagious and she obviously won't see a doctor because "she's FINE."

She is REALLY sensitive and has a history with getting really depressed about perceived social slights, so I know saying this will create a lot of drama. I already tried the "maybe you should go home and get some rest and come back bit," and she started crying. Her own mother just died, so I know she kind of "needs" the visit, but I also am very concerned about the welfare of the babies.

Am I crazy for wanting her to leave? How on earth do I manage this? HELP!!!

[Anonymous]

Send her home. Have someone at the pediatrician's office call her and give her the truth if you need to. You really don't want your preemie's getting a cold/cough.

[Anonymous]

Call your pediatrician and explain the situation,
Ask for their advice. That way you can get professional medical advice to make sure you are doing the right thing, and be able to say you are asking her to do (insert medical doctor advice here) because of doctors orders

[Anonymous]

In the meantime have her wear a mask and wash her hands CONSTANTLY.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, put this all on the doctors. Can you go in for an appointment (even if you don't technically need one right now) and have mom come to "help" and they can check her out?
Have a phone call with doc office first, to see if they'd be willing to do this.
This is definitely one of those situations where you should let docs and nurses play "bad cop" for you.

[Anonymous]

Also try out this phrase: Mom, you know you would never forgive yourself if the babies wound up back in the hospital due to a tiny cold.

[Anonymous]

Have the pedi talk to her. Don't let her around the babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have newborn twins that were born at 36 weeks and spent a week in the hospital, one because his lungs were not fully developed. They've been home for the hospital for a week. My mother came to visit and help for a month. She is not due to leave for 2.5 more weeks but has developed a really deep cough. She is sucking on cough drops and has been insisting that she just has allergies. Neither DH nor I think that all she has are allergies, although we don't know if it is contagious and she obviously won't see a doctor because "she's FINE."

She is REALLY sensitive and has a history with getting really depressed about perceived social slights, so I know saying this will create a lot of drama. I already tried the "maybe you should go home and get some rest and come back bit," and she started crying. Her own mother just died, so I know she kind of "needs" the visit, but I also am very concerned about the welfare of the babies.

Am I crazy for wanting her to leave? How on earth do I manage this? HELP!!!

How do you know it isn't just allergies? I have allergies, and this summer, my main system has been a cough I can't get rid of. I would INSIST that if she wanted to stay, that she see a doctor. Set those terms out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also try out this phrase: Mom, you know you would never forgive yourself if the babies wound up back in the hospital due to a tiny cold.

Yep. Call your ped and ask directly. Whatever ped says, tell your mom and follow.

And remind your mom that there will be a lot of ups and downs with twin infants and this is as good a time as any for everybody to remember you have to go with the flow. Their health is the top priority right now. She can come back in a week when she is better. Don't let your mom's depression affect your parental decisions--had to push back on my dad a couple times myself. Not pretty, but there it is.

[Anonymous]

No advice just good luck that sucks.

[Anonymous]

Pay the $15 and call the pediatrician advice line tonight!

[Anonymous]

Btdt with my mother in law and my 31 week old twins. For the first 18 mos, when RSV was a huge risk, NO ONE who had a cough or sniffle could be near them. Thing is even if it's allergies, she is spewing germs when she coughs - and your preemie needs as few germs as possible.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a really tough situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with it!

I would talk with your ped about it, as the other PPs have suggested. Ask how serious a threat there is and whether you need to be concerned. Do you have an upcoming doctor's appointment soon? Maybe you could go in and then come home and mention that the ped said their lungs are still weak and it's really important not to be around anyone coughing or sneezing (as though this were a separate conversation aside from any concerns about her health).

I would definitely make the requirement that she see a doctor if she wants to stay. But I also agree with the PP that even if she does just have allergies, coughing is spreading more germs than just regular breathing. It sounds like your twins are pretty healthy and don't have significant health concerns, but you obviously want to be safe.

[Anonymous]

You're a mother now and need to protect your children first. Too bad about your mother and her emotional fragility.
Sorry about your grandmother.

[Anonymous]

My full term nephew ended up in the hospital at 3 weeks for RSV. He stopped breathing in the ER and ended up on a ventilator. This all happened because hi 3 year old brother had a common cold. RSV in older babies is no big deal but with preemies NO WAY would I risk it. My nephew was born at a hearty 10 lbs. But at 3 weeks even the smallest cold almost killed him. It's been 10 years and I still remember how horrible that experience was. Oh and he ended up with severe lung damage and ten years later still has to nebulized. She can't be around those babies.