the ultimatum

[Anonymous]

Anyone give their druggie older teen the choice of staying and not using, or leave home? His away from home prospects would suck, obviously, but we're sick of it all. Any BTDT or advice?

[Anonymous]

Have they been through rehab? Because not using probably starts there.

[Anonymous]

The staying would mean rehab either in or out patient.
Thing is he's not a heavy or daily user, but definitely hanging with only users who only use when together.

[Anonymous]

What drug are we talking about?

[Anonymous]

I did regular drug tests. First failure (a failure includes refusing the test) meant outpatient rehab, a second would be inpatient. You absolutely have to set down the rules in advance--no surprising him with you used again tonight leave now and don't come back. Tests should be regular and on days set down in advance, not random, and need to be twice a week if a drug other than marijuana is involved (marijuana stays in the system much longer than other drugs).

If there are mental health issues involved I would not consider kicking out. The world does not need yet another mentally ill homeless person who self medicates with drugs.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine this scenario without Jesse Pinkman coming to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What drug are we talking about?

I think this is relevant to the issue. If this is a kid who smokes weed once or twice a week, doesn't come home stoned, and it's the principle of the thing rather than any actual impact on the household that's upsetting, that's a very different case than if the kid is using heroin most days of the week, coming home high, bringing questionable people to the house, potentially engaged in criminal behavior to afford the drugs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What drug are we talking about?

I think this is relevant to the issue. If this is a kid who smokes weed once or twice a week, doesn't come home stoned, and it's the principle of the thing rather than any actual impact on the household that's upsetting, that's a very different case than if the kid is using heroin most days of the week, coming home high, bringing questionable people to the house, potentially engaged in criminal behavior to afford the drugs, etc.

ITA

[Anonymous]

OP here. On the spectrum pointed out by 17:55, he's somewhere in the middle. Thankfully no legal issues (yet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. On the spectrum pointed out by 17:55, he's somewhere in the middle. Thankfully no legal issues (yet).

OP, I'm sure you're looking to preserve everyone's privacy, but the more cagey you are about the details, the harder it is for anyone to give an informed opinion. I've seen this play out in my own family, but I don't know if that situation has any relevance to yours to know whether/how to present it.

[Anonymous]

So if it's not weed and it' not marijuana we are left with cocaine, crack (but so addictive you'd probably put in with heroin), meth (kind of a ditto), LSD (but you'd probably not know about that), ecstasy (kind of a ditto), amphetamines (also a ditto). There are a couple of other things that ae possible but rare like suboxone, but if you know anything you'd put that in with heroin as well.

So my vote is for cocaine until OP coughs it up.

it's perfectly possible to occasionally use cocaine with no harm or addiction, with teens it's much easier to slide into addiction. Cocaine addiction among teens in this area is still not so common but is likely on the rise. I'd drug test and do rehab if there is one violation. Needless to say no access to cars or cash unless he has a job in which case it's hard to keep him away from it.

[Anonymous]

^^if it's not weed and not heroin

[Anonymous]

OP - It is not only our son - but the company he keeps so he has to either in rehab or with a private therapist come to the decision of which is more important calling his famil and home his base until he has another solid option or continuing to hang out with the same crowd of users to entice him into the fold. If he is still in high school, then maybe a change of school would help him as would seeing that he has a contract of what he will be doing outside of or after rehab such as finishing high school, getting job training, going to a community college (would not put money into four year school first), or just finding a job. I think, too, having expectations of what he will be doing/learning in terms of activities of daily living and being a part of the family unit will be important in accountability. Up to you as far as whether you would ever let him drive a vehicle. This might be held out as something to work towards. Also, he needs oversight of any "earned income" so does not have easy money to fall back into habit. You can let him know you are banking a certain amount for his future use as he is ready to move on to buy a used car, get an apartment etc. If there are other siblings, you do have to weight their best interests in your decision-making process as well as this teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. On the spectrum pointed out by 17:55, he's somewhere in the middle. Thankfully no legal issues (yet).

I still don't have a picture of this.

How is this impacting the household?

Is the drug use impacting the household, or his attitude/adolescent behavior/friendships?

Is he disobeying your rules/structure? If so, make that the issue. Don't make the drugs the issue.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. No other details are needed as the tough love approach of his leaving home if he continues current path is very much on the table. I'd like to hear from those who've actually experienced this in their family. You always hear about a person needing to hit rock bottom in order to turn themselves around, so I'm wondering if others have found that to be true with their family member, or did they all go out on their own and OD. We've had enough of the sneaking, manipulation, and stress at home, so there's that.