Breadwinner -- Dinnertime and weekends?

[Anonymous]

How many folks who have the single earner breadwinner dad with sahm, what time does dh get home? Is home for dinner most nights, but has to work after they are asleep? Does he work weekends? We are considering transitioning from 2 WOHM with boring stable jobs with shared involvement (shared pickup drop off, activities, almost no weekend or travel) to single breadwinner at a small tech company which will be less stable and require long days and weekend work and travel.

Is this schism typical in breadwinner focused on building career to provide for family? How much do kids get to see DH? Or does most professional breadwinner dads work 9-5 and reap the benefits of early career success (yeah we should have thought of this earlier instead of following our dreams work wise, I know I know).

[Anonymous]

Think long and hard about this. Because you are also trading in stability of having a second income with the instability of being in a tech start up (many of which fail). If I were you, I would keep working until you either know the tech job is stable or that you have a cushion where neither of you could work for a year (a fully funded emergency fund - not a 401k). In terms of timing, the expectation of seeing your DH at 6:30 or whenever for dinner will be driven by commute time and work demands, which will need to come first because he's the sole income. You also should make peace with the decision that if he flames out, you are screwed.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM. A lot depends on what would you be able to do if the working spouse lost their job. Is your house paid off? Do you have 3 months of earnings in savings? How soon doe think it would take one of you to get a job if this happened?

My DH has a boring fed job. It's very stable and has a little flexibility. He is home by 4:30 every night and doesn't work weekends. He is looking for a new fed job that he would like better but the commute would be a lot longer. The days he has to work late i am sometimes ready to pull my hair out because the kids are making me crazy. We have a 4 year old and a extremely busy 2 year old. We do not have family in the area so I can't get a break when he's not here... something to think about.

[Anonymous]

I work part time but DH has an extremely demanding job and it sucks. Never home for dinner. Works a lot of weekends. It is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I work part-time and my partner works full time in a notoriously demanding field. I'd say 7 is a good night, 10 is a bad night, and working from home on the weekends is expected.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you have enough savings in case of job loss because very few people can support a family on unemployment benefits. Would you say his skills are in demand to the point that he could pick up another job quickly if he lost his job?

I've also worked part time while my Dh had a full time demanding job that required he work until 7pm every day and every Saturday until 5 and I honestly hated it. I felt lonely having dinner by myself with the kids and having to find something to keep them occupied on Saturday wasn't that easy. Fortunately we did have Sundays' together. We don't have any family around either so I was pretty much on my own for the most part. I don't think it's an ideal situation.

[Anonymous]

I'll use my father as an example. Sometimes he would get home as late as 9pm. If we were up, we sat at the table with him. We probably didn't eat. We already had. Being together was what's important.

[Anonymous]

I worked part time from home after my son was born, and my husband's job changed around this time and he was doing some longer hours with a lot of travel. I hated this period -- I was already bored and antsy at home all day (yes, we did activities, but there's only so much to fill up your day with - otherwise, what's the point of staying home?), and then my husband didn't get home until, and a lot of the time, didn't come home at all (when he was traveling). These were long, lonely, endless days. I went back to work and I'm so much happier. Now when my husband works long hours or travels, I no longer feel like there's this endless stretch of nothingness ahead of me.

[Anonymous]

So are the only happy SAHM with breadwinner DH the ones with big safety net (like a trust) and DH working a light load 9-5? I expected with all big law partners and entrepreneurs and lobbyists it would be DH at work long hours and travel but as long as kids elem age I would think this is a nice setup for the SAHM?

[Anonymous]

DH leaves around 7:15, and gets home at 6. Dinner is almost on the table when he gets home. He doesn't have to work evenings or weekends, but occasionally will have to meet clients for dinner/drinks. No travel.

[Anonymous]

SAHM here. DH is a business owner and works 9:30-3:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. DH is a business owner and works 9:30-3:30.

That's is nice gig. But I assume something he build up with hard work before. We are switching to breadwinner role here and doing the long hours investing in career now after kids and not sure if it will work out? It seems like folks with breadwinners who don't work too late or weekends are happy, unsurprising, but folks with heavy loads are as a rule not? I really thought as a SAHM if kids are in school, it doesn't really matter if DH is around or not; it's great when he is but his focus has to be on providing for the family, that comes first. But it's still hard?

[Anonymous]

My DH is the breadwinner and for the first ten years of my sons life I worked part time as a consultant to supplement. He's home by 4pm every day. That being said, he has a modest income compared to most people on this forum and he leaves for work very early. If we didn't want the extra money I could have stayed home. And he would have still been home by 4pm every day.

Our family doesn't live to work, we work to live. Our HHI isn't huge but we have a very nice, relaxing life.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can compare any situation. My husband has a stable 40 hour a week job where he has to be on site but can flex his hours if needed most of the time. He is home for dinner and does not bring work home (per his job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the breadwinner and for the first ten years of my sons life I worked part time as a consultant to supplement. He's home by 4pm every day. That being said, he has a modest income compared to most people on this forum and he leaves for work very early. If we didn't want the extra money I could have stayed home. And he would have still been home by 4pm every day.

Our family doesn't live to work, we work to live. Our HHI isn't huge but we have a very nice, relaxing life.

That is hard to do in DC and most major cities. Is he Fed, b/c home by 4 would get a side long glance at most private companies.

We couldn't make it work on a single Fed salary, unless we move to some far flung exurb with 1.5hr commutes. So it's either demanding job with SAHM or 2 WOHP with steady jobs. Are there any SAHM happy with the hard driving breadwinner husband doing his best to provide for them or does the absence just cause too much resentment?