Hanging out with in laws

[Anonymous]

How often do you hang out one on one with your in laws? How often do you talk to them? How often does DH/DW do these things? I am curious about how typical my dynamic is.

My MIL and I are cordial, but I don't like or respect her after catching her gossiping about me one too many times and also catching her badmouthing me to DH. We have never hung out one on one before beyond being alone in the kitchen making awkward convo for half an hour on a few occasions (in a 5 year period). I also have never hung out with my SILs one on one. We have absolutely nothing in common. I also don't talk to my MIL and SILs on the phone or text about anything not related to DH or our son.

DH talks to at least one of his parents on a daily basis and is in near-daily contact with his sisters. We see his parents and sisters for every birthday and major holiday, and also socially at least once a month and when we are all in one spot, we make comfortable convo about neutral topics and are nice to each other in an acquaintance sort of way. I privately cringe to see them, but I also encourage the visits because they love DS and are good to him.

How about you?

[Anonymous]

every couple of days now that the kids are around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you hang out one on one with your in laws? How often do you talk to them? How often does DH/DW do these things? I am curious about how typical my dynamic is.

My MIL and I are cordial, but I don't like or respect her after catching her gossiping about me one too many times and also catching her badmouthing me to DH. We have never hung out one on one before beyond being alone in the kitchen making awkward convo for half an hour on a few occasions (in a 5 year period). I also have never hung out with my SILs one on one. We have absolutely nothing in common. I also don't talk to my MIL and SILs on the phone or text about anything not related to DH or our son.

DH talks to at least one of his parents on a daily basis and is in near-daily contact with his sisters. We see his parents and sisters for every birthday and major holiday, and also socially at least once a month and when we are all in one spot, we make comfortable convo about neutral topics and are nice to each other in an acquaintance sort of way. I privately cringe to see them, but I also encourage the visits because they love DS and are good to him.

How about you?

Just keep this up. You will change and so will they. You never know when you will need or want to engage and share with each other. Keeps the lines of communication open and respectful. Build trust. You'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

My idea of hanging out with my FIL one on one is him coming into the kitchen for a drink when I'm washing dishes and he thanks me for dinner or I thank him for grilling or defusing a tantrum from the 2 yr old. I spend a little more time alone with my MIL but not by much, and it's often us going to a movie, where talking doesn't happen except on the way there and back. They live across the country, and we see them about once a month or every other month. DH talks to his parents almost daily; he's quite close with them. I talk to them once a week.

[Anonymous]

Our families are overseas. We see them once a year at best. I like all my ILs, DH dislikes my mother (she's difficult), although he usually manages to be polite, and when he's not, it's because she's just uttered an enormity.

[Anonymous]

We live far away from my ILs, but I think of them as a second set of parents since they've known me for almost half my life. DH talks to his family at least a few times a week and we also have frequent long Facetime and Skype conversations. DH initiates most of it, but I definitely do my share. A large part of it is to keep them involved in the kids' lives, but they come to visit or we got to see them every couple of months.

I definitely enjoy hanging out with my ILs, but they're nice people and have always been great about including me as a part of the family and also trying to respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you hang out one on one with your in laws? How often do you talk to them? How often does DH/DW do these things? I am curious about how typical my dynamic is.

My MIL and I are cordial, but I don't like or respect her after catching her gossiping about me one too many times and also catching her badmouthing me to DH. We have never hung out one on one before beyond being alone in the kitchen making awkward convo for half an hour on a few occasions (in a 5 year period). I also have never hung out with my SILs one on one. We have absolutely nothing in common. I also don't talk to my MIL and SILs on the phone or text about anything not related to DH or our son.

DH talks to at least one of his parents on a daily basis and is in near-daily contact with his sisters. We see his parents and sisters for every birthday and major holiday, and also socially at least once a month and when we are all in one spot, we make comfortable convo about neutral topics and are nice to each other in an acquaintance sort of way. I privately cringe to see them, but I also encourage the visits because they love DS and are good to him.

How about you?

Just keep this up. You will change and so will they. You never know when you will need or want to engage and share with each other. Keeps the lines of communication open and respectful. Build trust. You'll be fine.

Thank you, PP. I am trying to do the right thing for my son and husband. My in laws are very loving to
both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live far away from my ILs, but I think of them as a second set of parents since they've known me for almost half my life. DH talks to his family at least a few times a week and we also have frequent long Facetime and Skype conversations. DH initiates most of it, but I definitely do my share. A large part of it is to keep them involved in the kids' lives, but they come to visit or we got to see them every couple of months.

I definitely enjoy hanging out with my ILs, but they're nice people and have always been great about including me as a part of the family and also trying to respect boundaries.

Wow, this is fantastic. This is exactly how I want to be someday. I want to be there for all of my children equally.

MIL has friends who badmouth their DILs. MIL likes to try to "fit in" - even if that means being a terrible person and making up perceived wrongs, including (or especially by) me. It really has taken its toll. Being nice to someone like MIL (I have learned) gets me no where, so I just avoid her, because it is easier not to be one of MILs targets. I don't know what MIL is so angry about, but it happened WAY before I knew her, sadly.

Be a smart MIL and keep your DIL on your good side. You never know when YOU might need something. Unless of course, your daughters are independently wealthy I happen to be, so I suppose there are a certain "type" of person that looks to fault someone like me. KWIM?

I also have to ask, HOW do you get your DH to call his mother? My DH refuses to, and I just know that MIL somehow blames me for this. To you, I say your MIL must be a (really!!!!) great mother, if her son actually WANTS to call her! No matter how many times I remind DH to call his mother, he has no interest. I think she might have wronged him in a bad way growing up.

What do you do if you did nothing to her, but MIL just wants a target? Avoid her like I have been doing, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Our families live in Europe/west coast. We talk to his parents weekly (Skype) and maybe 1.5 times a week to my parents. I talk to my siblings quite a lot (once or twice a week). He talk to his less (like once a month to every few months)...we see them once a year. It's far away and expensive.we all get along fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you hang out one on one with your in laws? How often do you talk to them? How often does DH/DW do these things? I am curious about how typical my dynamic is.

My MIL and I are cordial, but I don't like or respect her after catching her gossiping about me one too many times and also catching her badmouthing me to DH. We have never hung out one on one before beyond being alone in the kitchen making awkward convo for half an hour on a few occasions (in a 5 year period). I also have never hung out with my SILs one on one. We have absolutely nothing in common. I also don't talk to my MIL and SILs on the phone or text about anything not related to DH or our son.

DH talks to at least one of his parents on a daily basis and is in near-daily contact with his sisters. We see his parents and sisters for every birthday and major holiday, and also socially at least once a month and when we are all in one spot, we make comfortable convo about neutral topics and are nice to each other in an acquaintance sort of way. I privately cringe to see them, but I also encourage the visits because they love DS and are good to him.

How about you?

I love this. MIL can only acknowledge her own daughters children, not her sons. Can you say CUCKOO CRAZY??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you hang out one on one with your in laws? How often do you talk to them? How often does DH/DW do these things? I am curious about how typical my dynamic is.

My MIL and I are cordial, but I don't like or respect her after catching her gossiping about me one too many times and also catching her badmouthing me to DH. We have never hung out one on one before beyond being alone in the kitchen making awkward convo for half an hour on a few occasions (in a 5 year period). I also have never hung out with my SILs one on one. We have absolutely nothing in common. I also don't talk to my MIL and SILs on the phone or text about anything not related to DH or our son.

DH talks to at least one of his parents on a daily basis and is in near-daily contact with his sisters. We see his parents and sisters for every birthday and major holiday, and also socially at least once a month and when we are all in one spot, we make comfortable convo about neutral topics and are nice to each other in an acquaintance sort of way. I privately cringe to see them, but I also encourage the visits because they love DS and are good to him.

How about you?

I love this. MIL can only acknowledge her own daughters children, not her sons. Can you say CUCKOO CRAZY??!! Wtf you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Let's just say there is a decent chance I am your sister-in-law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's just say there is a decent chance I am your sister-in-law

OP here, I doubt it, but let's talk. What do you think of me/your brother's wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's just say there is a decent chance I am your sister-in-law

I always wonder about the point of comments like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's just say there is a decent chance I am your sister-in-law

If you are, you would woman-up and say something to your hard as nails mother with no heart.