If you lost your mom

[Anonymous]

(or dad), how do you incorporate them into your life now? I lost my mom a couple years ago, and it's still so sad. I would like to do happy things to remind me of her, and thought it would be nice to hear what others do along these lines.

[Anonymous]

My mom was fascinated by dragonflies so I have adopted them as a reminder of her. I have an area in my yard with dragonfly decorations and other things like jewelry, etc. that make me think of her. All of my cousins (she was very close to them) have done the same and we share stories when we see dragonflies and how we think she was with us then, It's nice to find ways to still talk about her and it always leads to good memories. We also try to keep some of her holiday traditions, familiar foods, etc.

[Anonymous]

There are dadisms every day - often in songs he liked on the radio, or his mentality/perspective on life. Sort of a "what would dad say" idea - if someone is being ridiculous, or on the contrary, helpful or funny.

As for mom, your post is timely, as she entered a nursing home this week.

[Anonymous]

I just keep talking about them with my kids, or if they come up in any personal or professional context, if appropriate. They are still alive to me. I don't think I'll ever stop missing them. So, this is how I include them in my life.

[Anonymous]

Well my mom disowned me - she's not dead as far as I know - and I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. I don't incorporate her into my life. I don't talk to my kids about her. I have some old pics with her in there, but that photo album is on a high shelf in a closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my mom disowned me - she's not dead as far as I know - and I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. I don't incorporate her into my life. I don't talk to my kids about her. I have some old pics with her in there, but that photo album is on a high shelf in a closet.

So you decided to post on this thread because...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my mom disowned me - she's not dead as far as I know - and I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. I don't incorporate her into my life. I don't talk to my kids about her. I have some old pics with her in there, but that photo album is on a high shelf in a closet.

So you decided to post on this thread because...?

Because even this situation is a loss of a parent and needs to be acknowledged and mourned in certain ways. Not everyone's loss of a parent is the same, you know?

[Anonymous]

I tell my children funny stories about my mom, planted a bunch of her favorite flowers in my garden, make a bigger effort to be in touch with my siblings, and have started cooking some of her special recipes at various holidays. It is still very hard but these things have helped. I hope you find things that help too.

[Anonymous]

I inherited quite a bit of jewelry after my mom died several years ago. Every day (except maybe some weekends) I wear something of hers. Makes me think about her as I put it on.

[Anonymous]

I have some of my parents' things around in my day to day life - a plant of my mom's, dad's sweater on the shelf, a t shirt I wear....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my mom disowned me - she's not dead as far as I know - and I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. I don't incorporate her into my life. I don't talk to my kids about her. I have some old pics with her in there, but that photo album is on a high shelf in a closet.

So you decided to post on this thread because...?

Because even this situation is a loss of a parent and needs to be acknowledged and mourned in certain ways. Not everyone's loss of a parent is the same, you know?

Right, but this vibe I got from this post was to solicit feedback from people who WANT to remember the person they've lost. Clearly you don't. So why post?

I'm sorry for your "loss" though.

I talk about my mom on my all the time with my kids-funny things she did, things she would've said, how proud she would be of them. I have a pretty letter opener I touch every day. I don't use it to open letters but it's a pretty object d'art that I keep around that she used. I sing the same songs and make the same noises is that she made. I pet my kids the same way and encourage them the same way. I look at life the same way. I live according to her value system- that family is most important and people are more important than things and that keeps me close to her.

[Anonymous]

I play her piano every day.

[Anonymous]

I can't discuss either of my parents - both have died, without becoming extremely upset. The only think that will remind me /have me acknowledge my mother is if I see daffodils, her favorite flower, I will happily think of her. and when I see a man who had the same type of hair as my father I think of him. I loved my parents but their deaths were severely traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I play her piano every day.

I have my mother's piano music--editions from the 1930s and 1940s.

[Anonymous]

Not quite the same, but my FIL died four years ago and we still talk about him all the time. My husband is a LOT like him in many ways and so when he does something very much like what his father would have done, I will often point it out and we will have a laugh about it. And DH's siblings recognize familiar traits in him and are comforted by them.