If you lost your mom

[Anonymous]

My kids never knew my mom (she died when I was in high school). My dad remarried when I was in my mid-20's. I keep pictures of my mom in my house and talk about her whenever my kids ask. They refer to her as "Grandma R." I've told them as much as I remember and they ask her first cousins a lot of questions as well (she was very close to them as she was an only child). My dad rarely answered questions and my stepmother never encouraged him to talk about my mom in front of the kids (we live out of town so infrequent visits). However, my dad is very ill and this last visit I brought my parents wedding album and other old pictures (stepmom was fine with this) and my dad told lots of stories to my kids and nieces which they really appreciated. First time in over 20 years, I've heard him talk about my mom...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not quite the same, but my FIL died four years ago and we still talk about him all the time. My husband is a LOT like him in many ways and so when he does something very much like what his father would have done, I will often point it out and we will have a laugh about it. And DH's siblings recognize familiar traits in him and are comforted by them.

I've lost both my dad and my FIL and there are a lot of similarities actually. Dh met my dad after he was already ill with dementia so he never got to know him (I think they would have liked each other). My kids never met him. But over the years dh and our children have come to know my dad through me and my side of the family. I was lucky to know my FIL so dh and I can share memories and laughs about him together and with dh's side of the family.

Both of our dads were problem solvers in their own way and we'll often find ourselves thinking through a problem like our dads did.