Vent: my brother has a lot to say on how I should be raising my 2 little kids

[Anonymous]

He thinks my 3yo is too set in her routines, goes to bed too early, and is not "normal" enough. He thinks this because she likes things to be a certain way in her bedtime routine. And that we encourage this by doing the same thing with her every night instead of just winging it and mixing it up every night. She goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, which he thinks is too early. He thinks she doesn't need that much sleep. He thinks she's growing up abnormally, because she has too many books and is too cerebral. He thinks she doesn't have enough friends. And he thinks it is all because of how we are parenting her. And he doesn't want us to do the same to our second child. I'm tired of defending myself.

He tells me all the stuff he would do differently, like not bother with routines and schedules. Did I tell you he has no kids of his own? It drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks my 3yo is too set in her routines, goes to bed too early, and is not "normal" enough. He thinks this because she likes things to be a certain way in her bedtime routine. And that we encourage this by doing the same thing with her every night instead of just winging it and mixing it up every night. She goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, which he thinks is too early. He thinks she doesn't need that much sleep. He thinks she's growing up abnormally, because she has too many books and is too cerebral. He thinks she doesn't have enough friends. And he thinks it is all because of how we are parenting her. And he doesn't want us to do the same to our second child. I'm tired of defending myself.

He tells me all the stuff he would do differently, like not bother with routines and schedules. Did I tell you he has no kids of his own? It drives me nuts.

Why bother? Tell him that the beauty of having kids is that you can raise them however you want. Let him know that he is free to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Who gives a crap what he thinks??? Seriously?

Honestly, I've found that the people with the most off the wall judgmental opinions are....childless people. It's easy to have judgments roll off your tongue when you haven't lived it. I totally ignore it because how does this affect my life?

[Anonymous]

He's your brother you can talk to him however you like.

Tell him he has no qualifications to speak on the subject and he can shut the fxxk up

[Anonymous]

You don't need to fix what ain't broke. My guess is that he doesn't have kids. Just smile and nod.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP it is true - your brother doesn't get a vote. Unless you are ... Married to him?!!
And another thing. He is wrong. Young children thrive on routines. Routines make them feel secure. They cannot have "too many books." Maybe your brother should read some more books. Why don't you him one on diplomacy ?

[Anonymous]

I was like that about my niece and nephew before I had my own kids.... Now I am sure my bro is having the last laugh every time my kids do something completely crazy/rude/uncouth/embarrassing which is pretty much every day. I agree with pp not to take so serious now ... And oh when he does have his kids and they never sleep through the night or are delayed readers or whatever... Don't say a word. Just smile and nod knowing that he now knows what all of us parents realize early on... We are all just winging it, we haven't a clue what is the "right" way to do anything and that our kids kick our sorry asses every single day but we all just keep at it because we love them and hope that all of our efforts will result in raising decent human beings.

[Anonymous]

I agree it doesn't matter one bit what he thinks.

But if you do want to try to explain to him -- I have found one thing people without kids, and even people with kids, don't get is how each stage of childhood is like a completely different species of animal. Just because your infant is taking in only liquids for meals doesn't mean when she is 18 years old she'll still just be drinking all liquids. Just because your 3 year old has the exact same routine for bed doesn't mean she'll still be needing that when she is 18 -- or 8. Just because your 2 year old refuses to leave your side for ONE SECOND to go anywhere doesn't mean he will still be clinging to you at age 6 -- or 16.

Infants and their needs and behaviors are very very different from toddlers, who are very different from preschoolers, who are quite different from school aged children. Temperament may stay similar from stage to stage -- a slow to warm up child, or a child who craves excitement and stimulation, or whatever -- those traits may stay similar but alter over time.

[Anonymous]

Why not just tell him you are not interested in his parenting advice? Or you can be blunt and tell him to **** off. Just shut it down, OP.

[Anonymous]

Does your brother only dispense parenting advice, or does he provide advice you didn't ask for on other issues as well, like finances, or cars, or books you should read, or whether you should get a hotel room or a condo while on your vacation to the place you should go on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Next time he starts in, grab your phone and film his lecture. Explain that this is going on his facebook page the minute hiskid turns 3.

[Anonymous]

Do you ever say anything that could be considered complaining about your DD? If not, "I don't know why you're offering unsolicited advice, but what we're doing works for our family, so the criticism from someone who's not our pediatrician is not helpful."

If you have, "Look, it may sound as though we aren't happy about not being able to X/having to X, but parenthood takes some adjustments, and they're a small price to pay for how great the experience is and the knowledge that we're doing right by our daughter. So please stop with the unsolicited advice, because it makes enjoy spending time with your less."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks my 3yo is too set in her routines, goes to bed too early, and is not "normal" enough. He thinks this because she likes things to be a certain way in her bedtime routine. And that we encourage this by doing the same thing with her every night instead of just winging it and mixing it up every night. She goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, which he thinks is too early. He thinks she doesn't need that much sleep. He thinks she's growing up abnormally, because she has too many books and is too cerebral. He thinks she doesn't have enough friends. And he thinks it is all because of how we are parenting her. And he doesn't want us to do the same to our second child. I'm tired of defending myself.

He tells me all the stuff he would do differently, like not bother with routines and schedules. Did I tell you he has no kids of his own? It drives me nuts.

Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

My brother has zero interest in my kids. Only his own matter. I'd trade with you in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

I would for sure just ignore him. Say "oh that's interesting" and change the subject. Don't defend yourself, that makes the topic up for debate, when there's nothing to debate.

If he persists ask him where he got all this information. And then if he's so interested in parenting, here are a few books to read. Suggest that you two start a weekly discussion about the books! Take notes when he talks. Be really over the top with accepting his "help" on parenting your children. Basically, make fun of him to his face. That's what I'd do .