Vent: my brother has a lot to say on how I should be raising my 2 little kids

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm surprised you've only encountered one person that has told you how to parent. In my experience, there were plenty of people more than happy to share pages from their instruction manual. The most annoying were those without kids. Now I find the parents of young kids who give advice on parenting teens to be obnoxious. Its just that when most people have BTDT, they realize that there isn't any one right or wrong way to do things. Mostly because we've all made plenty of mistakes despite trying our best.

I'd suggest ignoring as best you can and reply with innocuous comments like "that's interesting" or "you should try that when you have kids".

Ignorant know-it-alls are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time he starts in, grab your phone and film his lecture. Explain that this is going on his facebook page the minute hiskid turns 3.

Hilarious

[Anonymous]

I would just say "Ha, yeah, before I had kids I would have thought 8:00 pm was early, too." And not think about it again.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this post. Do you need to vent? Who cares that he doesn't agree with you. It's your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like that about my niece and nephew before I had my own kids.... Now I am sure my bro is having the last laugh every time my kids do something completely crazy/rude/uncouth/embarrassing which is pretty much every day. I agree with pp not to take so serious now ... And oh when he does have his kids and they never sleep through the night or are delayed readers or whatever... Don't say a word. Just smile and nod knowing that he now knows what all of us parents realize early on... We are all just winging it, we haven't a clue what is the "right" way to do anything and that our kids kick our sorry asses every single day but we all just keep at it because we love them and hope that all of our efforts will result in raising decent human beings.

op. Love what you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it doesn't matter one bit what he thinks.

But if you do want to try to explain to him -- I have found one thing people without kids, and even people with kids, don't get is how each stage of childhood is like a completely different species of animal. Just because your infant is taking in only liquids for meals doesn't mean when she is 18 years old she'll still just be drinking all liquids. Just because your 3 year old has the exact same routine for bed doesn't mean she'll still be needing that when she is 18 -- or 8. Just because your 2 year old refuses to leave your side for ONE SECOND to go anywhere doesn't mean he will still be clinging to you at age 6 -- or 16.

Infants and their needs and behaviors are very very different from toddlers, who are very different from preschoolers, who are quite different from school aged children. Temperament may stay similar from stage to stage -- a slow to warm up child, or a child who craves excitement and stimulation, or whatever -- those traits may stay similar but alter over time.

I agree. This is the biggest thing I've come across, especially from our parents, who should know better but I guess they have forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your brother only dispense parenting advice, or does he provide advice you didn't ask for on other issues as well, like finances, or cars, or books you should read, or whether you should get a hotel room or a condo while on your vacation to the place you should go on vacation?

Just parenting advice. He's not normally heavy handed with advice, so I have no idea why he thinks he's an expert on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time he starts in, grab your phone and film his lecture. Explain that this is going on his facebook page the minute hiskid turns 3.

Haha. The kicker is that he is not planning to have any kids. So maybe he wants to parent vicariously through me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever say anything that could be considered complaining about your DD? If not, "I don't know why you're offering unsolicited advice, but what we're doing works for our family, so the criticism from someone who's not our pediatrician is not helpful."

If you have, "Look, it may sound as though we aren't happy about not being able to X/having to X, but parenthood takes some adjustments, and they're a small price to pay for how great the experience is and the knowledge that we're doing right by our daughter. So please stop with the unsolicited advice, because it makes enjoy spending time with your less."

It tends to come up when we are planning stuff together or spending time together, and I try to explain why we can't do certain things - like stay out til 10 or 11 at night with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would for sure just ignore him. Say "oh that's interesting" and change the subject. Don't defend yourself, that makes the topic up for debate, when there's nothing to debate.

If he persists ask him where he got all this information. And then if he's so interested in parenting, here are a few books to read. Suggest that you two start a weekly discussion about the books! Take notes when he talks. Be really over the top with accepting his "help" on parenting your children. Basically, make fun of him to his face. That's what I'd do .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time he starts in, grab your phone and film his lecture. Explain that this is going on his facebook page the minute hiskid turns 3.

Haha. The kicker is that he is not planning to have any kids. So maybe he wants to parent vicariously through me.

You could always give him advice on something he is passionate about. Turn the tables and see how he reacts.

[Anonymous]

Laugh in his face. wtf. he has no idea. he has no knowledge. Time to call him out bc he's only going to remain expert as your kid gets into school, etc. "where are you GETTING this stuff?" "remind me bro, why should I listen to you on a topic you know nothing about?" "oh you don't say, did you read that on Huff Post today?"

[Anonymous]

OP - you sound like a great parent. I'm worried that I won't be good at keeping a schedule- which as most people with half a brain know- is really helpful in raising well adjusted kids. Most kids thrive of stability and routine. Your bro's being a jackass. He doesn't want to be inconvenienced by the new dynamic. Though shit. Kid comes first.
You really need to stand up here are tell him to stfu.
God, I want to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you sound like a great parent. I'm worried that I won't be good at keeping a schedule- which as most people with half a brain know- is really helpful in raising well adjusted kids. Most kids thrive of stability and routine. Your bro's being a jackass. He doesn't want to be inconvenienced by the new dynamic. Though shit. Kid comes first.
You really need to stand up here are tell him to stfu.
God, I want to do it for you.

I am guessing you don't have kids already. But if you have a kid who needs a schedule, you will find that the consequences for not sticking to the schedule will motivate you to be very good at keeping a schedule

[Anonymous]

I had a lot opinions before I had kids. Now I know how stupid I was. You live and you learn.

I'd respond with hmmm....I'll have to think about that.