In-laws moving here......help me calm down about this!

[Anonymous]

My in-laws live 3 hours away and we see them once every couple of months, which is just fine by me. They recently announced that they are selling their house (now sold) and moving to the area. I know that they don't need my permission but think it would have been nice if it was at least discussed...."would it be helpful?", etc. I am just not looking forward to this at all. We have been managing fine on our own with the kids for years and like our life the way it is. I'm not sure what their expectations are but I certainly don't want to start seeing them weekly or even more than that. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

I would love the help and extra family around. I miss having big Sunday dinners. I bet your kids will like seeing grandma and grandpa more.

[Anonymous]

Time to move. I hear Austin is nice. Or go to Portland ME snow will keep them away.

[Anonymous]

Do you have bad blood with your ILs? Frequent dinners and kiddo help sounds great. Even if not for yourself- for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for helping me to see the positives. I would love the help it if it were my own parents but unfortunately that won't happen as they live in another country, which I think makes me more sad about this. I don't despise my in-laws but we are very different culturally.

[Anonymous]

My DIL hates me even though we have never met. If I had the opportunity to move next door to her and my son, I would in a heartbeat. HA HA.

Then I'd stick my nose in her life when the kids came along. I love helping.

[Anonymous]

This sounds strange. Did they talk to your husband first? Are they only moving to be near you or are there other reasons? Could they have said something to your husband and he never told you?

I just can't imagine a scenario where in-laws up and move without mentioning it to their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds strange. Did they talk to your husband first? Are they only moving to be near you or are there other reasons? Could they have said something to your husband and he never told you?

I just can't imagine a scenario where in-laws up and move without mentioning it to their child.

They have been talking about moving for a long time but I thought it would never happen. They were thinking about various places but decided on Virginia. DH is not particularly close to them and talks to them on the phone maybe once every couple of weeks. He is not thrilled about it either but assures me that he will tell talk to them if there is any issue about visiting too much, dropping by unannounced, etc.

[Anonymous]

First you said this

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws live 3 hours away and we see them once every couple of months, which is just fine by me. They recently announced that they are selling their house (now sold) and moving to the area. I know that they don't need my permission but think it would have been nice if it was at least discussed...."would it be helpful?", etc. I am just not looking forward to this at all. We have been managing fine on our own with the kids for years and like our life the way it is. I'm not sure what their expectations are but I certainly don't want to start seeing them weekly or even more than that.[b] Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out?

Then you said this:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for helping me to see the positives. [b]I would love the help it if it were my own parents but unfortunately that won't happen as they live in another country, which I think makes me more sad about this. I don't despise my in-laws but we are very different culturally.

I think you need to explain why it would acceptable if it were your parents but not acceptable with your husbands parents. You also mentioned that they are different from you because you come from different cultures. However, your DH comes from their culture and you seem to be able to work things out with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First you said this

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws live 3 hours away and we see them once every couple of months, which is just fine by me. They recently announced that they are selling their house (now sold) and moving to the area. I know that they don't need my permission but think it would have been nice if it was at least discussed...."would it be helpful?", etc. I am just not looking forward to this at all. We have been managing fine on our own with the kids for years and like our life the way it is. I'm not sure what their expectations are but I certainly don't want to start seeing them weekly or even more than that.[b] Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out?

Then you said this:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for helping me to see the positives. [b]I would love the help it if it were my own parents but unfortunately that won't happen as they live in another country, which I think makes me more sad about this. I don't despise my in-laws but we are very different culturally.

I think you need to explain why it would acceptable if it were your parents but not acceptable with your husbands parents. You also mentioned that they are different from you because you come from different cultures. However, your DH comes from their culture and you seem to be able to work things out with him.

Are you sure you're not projected your sadness about living far away from your family on your in laws?

[Anonymous]

Why would anybody drop by unannounced? Don't you lock your doors?

My MIL lives nearby. We see her once or twice a month. Sometimes "seeing her" means she meets us at school to watch one of the kids in a play or concert and then we go out to ice cream for an hour, before she goes home. No big deal.

Just tell them "We're so excited you're moving close by. Things are quite hectic here but family is important so can we make sure we get together for dinner once a month or so?" That way you're laying out expectations.

[Anonymous]

I would die if this happened to me. Luckily, they are already putting their plan in motion to move closer to SIL.

It sounds like your DH is supportive and understanding so there isn't a big divide in opinions on this. I would just stay open and honest when the two of you communicate as things come up and be a united front when there are issues that need being addressed.

I would also try and decide what you are and are not comfortable with. You might find it easier to invite them over for dinner Sunday evening rather than have them invite themselves. Invite them to what you want and are comfortable with and then stand firm when they are overwhelming and inviting themselves too much.

[Anonymous]

Who died and made you queen of all you survey? This is a free country and we may live where we choose.

[Anonymous]

You imply they are moving closer in order to help you out or something, but could it be that they will need help themselves as they get older and are looking to be near a child? Also you will need to clarify a little what is so wrong with them other than being of another culture. Talk to your DH about this and figure out how you would finish this sentence: "I fear having your parents live near us because..." If you can't think of a reasonable or nice way to finish the sentence then you are the one in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

The greatest gift my parents gave me in my childhood was frequent contact with my grandparents. My adult niece says the same thing about her parents/grandparents. She and I have discussed these dynamics many times. We are so thankful that our parents and grandparents put aside their petty insecurities and differences for our benefit.