In-laws moving here......help me calm down about this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who died and made you queen of all you survey? This is a free country and we may live where we choose.

I can't believe you think they should have consulted you about their plans. You sound horrid. You should recognize what a valuable gift it is to have family nearby. Why don't you greet them warmly and create opportunities to learn about each other's cultures? This will be great for your children.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have any issues with them then what is the problem??? Stop looking for drama where there is none.

[Anonymous]

Go find the thread on a poster whose mother in law announced she was moving around the corner from her....

[Anonymous]

My mother just moved close to us. Previously she was 7 hours away by car and now she is just over 1 hour. When talk of moving closer to me came up I told her fine, just not closer than an hour. I think an hour away gives both of us space but also the ability to see each other weekly if needed/wanted. I also spent a great deal of time with my grandparents growing up and it was great.

How close will they be?

[Anonymous]

You should find out WHERE in Virginia they are planning on moving (it's a large state). If it is to your neighborhood or in close proximity your husband should establish some ground rules.

I get the parent vs. in-law distinction only because my parents are happy to meet up at a kids sporting event and leave, or meet for lunch and leave. My in-laws make a day of it. Every-single-time. So a kids baseball game becomes a baseball game plus a meal plus time spent staring at each other until they feel ready to leave. If OP's in-laws are like that I can totally understand her concern.

[Anonymous]

It happened to me last year. The strange part is that my ILs don't like me, so it was very weird when all of a sudden they decided to move 15 minutes away from us and expected us to let them satiate our house until they were able to find a place.

My husband had a conversation with them and told them early on our expectations, boundaries, etc. It has been almost a year and although I would love if they move again far away from us, it has not been bad. Having the conversation made all the difference.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe start to be open to the fact that your relationship with them might change for the better. Maybe this is a new start for everyone (unless they are awful parents?)

Like other PPs said, what a wonderful gift for your children to have family nearby. My in laws are also abroad and my family is on the west coast, and would love them to be close by.

And hey, you might be able to have more date nights with DH? Free babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happened to me last year. The strange part is that my ILs don't like me, so it was very weird when all of a sudden they decided to move 15 minutes away from us and expected us to let them satiate our house until they were able to find a place.

My husband had a conversation with them and told them early on our expectations, boundaries, etc. It has been almost a year and although I would love if they move again far away from us, it has not been bad. Having the conversation made all the difference.

What specific things did you cover in terms of expctations and boundaries?

[Anonymous]

May I suggest you find a therapist before they move near you? You will need someone to vent to who can give you good advice on setting boundaries who is not a friend or family member. This will save your sanity and perhaps your marriage. Your DH must put you and your children first in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother just moved close to us. Previously she was 7 hours away by car and now she is just over 1 hour. When talk of moving closer to me came up I told her fine, just not closer than an hour. I think an hour away gives both of us space but also the ability to see each other weekly if needed/wanted. I also spent a great deal of time with my grandparents growing up and it was great.

How close will they be?

An hour is a good distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go find the thread on a poster whose mother in law announced she was moving around the corner from her....

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love the help and extra family around. I miss having big Sunday dinners. I bet your kids will like seeing grandma and grandpa more.

Try to focus on this. I'm sure there will be some adjustment in the beginning when its a novelty that they can do quick visits for dinner or whatever instead of a full weekend in the same house but I think overall if you and they are normal functional people then this will be a good thing. I think its kind of sad that we've gotten to a reality that families have gotten to a default of little floating islands instead of more cohesive groups. Obv. this is baring dysfunctional, or abusive people, but let's be real, those aren't the majority of people. I am in this boat too, left my depressed hometown which has no jobs or opportunities but desperately wish my kids didn't have to grow up with the grandparents they only get to "visit" and not have a real life relationship with.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

I get this point. But my MIL recently moved to be near her kids. She knows no one else here. The difference is that she divorced my FIL many years ago and never entered into another relationship. She is reliant upon her kids like normal spouses rely on each other. You and your spouse have each other first and foremost (which is awesome) and you have hobbies, social lives, and other things in your community which keep you engaged. Your family is lucky. After the divorce, my MIL never created new relationships and ties to her community, and she did not pursue hobbies or volunteering. Instead she decided that her children would bear the responsibility of managing her health, activities, travel, etc. Trust me, it aint a pretty situation.

[Anonymous]

At least you will no longer have to travel far to see them. That is a blessing, right? My ILs live across the country and it really is expensive and a PITA.