Attractive marriage counselor?

[Anonymous]

I am looking for marriage counselors to work on some issues DH and I are having. I've noticed that a lot of therapists have pictures on their websites and many of them are oddly attractive. Of course, these are the ones who would probably be best location-wise. I don't know why, but this makes me somewhat apprehensive - as if having a very attractive therapist would somehow be strange, that in addition to highlighting my marital issues, there will be this pretty woman who is calm and soothing, highlighting my deficiencies. Am I being completely nuts about trying to find a therapist who is a plain jane? I am just so riddled with insecurities in the marriage these days, and I am probably being really odd.

[Anonymous]

Is there some reason you're seeking a female therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for marriage counselors to work on some issues DH and I are having. I've noticed that a lot of therapists have pictures on their websites and many of them are oddly attractive. Of course, these are the ones who would probably be best location-wise. I don't know why, but this makes me somewhat apprehensive - as if having a very attractive therapist would somehow be strange, that in addition to highlighting my marital issues, there will be this pretty woman who is calm and soothing, highlighting my deficiencies. Am I being completely nuts about trying to find a therapist who is a plain jane? I am just so riddled with insecurities in the marriage these days, and I am probably being really odd.

A resounding yes.

[Anonymous]

There are ethical rules against therapists engaging in romantic relationships with clients. As for highlighting your marital issues, you're going to marriage counseling. The whole point of the sessions will be to highlight your marital issues.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's an attractive picture. Who would choose a plain photo for their website?

[Anonymous]

Maybe op is ugly and paranoid, she needs to fix that before marriage counseling

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine believes her marriage therapy failed because her husband was intimidated by their handsome, smart, empathic male therapist - DH felt he was everything DH couldn't be. Maybe you'd be more comfortable with a male?

[Anonymous]

Apples and oranges, but I find my psychotherapist very physically attractive. Hasn't been a problem at all, except one time when she bent down to grab a file. That threw me for a loop. If/when feelings arise, we talk about them, as you should do in your sessions. It will be fine.

I do understand your concerns and they're important. But, you have to understand that dealing with these concerns is part of the process. You CAN'T avoid them or you will short-circuit the therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are ethical rules against therapists engaging in romantic relationships with clients. As for highlighting your marital issues, you're going to marriage counseling. The whole point of the sessions will be to highlight your marital issues.

Responding to myself. OP, I think you should definitely mention this in counseling. "I am so insecure about my appearance and abrasive personality that I was threatened by the prospect of having an attractive, calm female counselor to discuss our marital issues." I think it will be an easy and very important illustration of your insecurity.

[Anonymous]

You know OP, the pictures posted on these websites are most likely the therapists in their "best" light per say.

They may have been photoshopped, been taken awhile ago + be professional shots (where many people can look good in.)

That being said, if you truly are worried about how bad a light an attractive therapist would make you look...Well, I think you should start seeking individual therapy for this issue alone.

Not being snarky, no offense meant please. Just some food for thought.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I hear you...but on the other hand, maybe your husband will be more likely to follow advice given by an attractive woman? I bet mine would be.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why people are being so mean to you. The truth is... if done right, therapy can be very... difficult. Opening old and new wounds. Tearing away at old scars. Building new emotional muscles. The whole point of therapy is to be open and vulnerable. If you are feeling uncomfortable in any way then it doesn't help you.

Find the ugliest one you can. Wishing you success!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are ethical rules against therapists engaging in romantic relationships with clients. As for highlighting your marital issues, you're going to marriage counseling. The whole point of the sessions will be to highlight your marital issues.

Responding to myself. OP, I think you should definitely mention this in counseling. "I am so insecure about my appearance and abrasive personality that I was threatened by the prospect of having an attractive, calm female counselor to discuss our marital issues..." I think it will be an easy and very important illustration of your insecurity.

...and then we found you. Thanks God!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know that having a pretty therapist is the least of my worries. Honestly, my self esteem is in the toilet in light of my marital issues and I don't want to be sitting next to a beautiful, calm, knowing woman as I am exposed, flaws and all, in what I imagine will be an ugly crying state at some point.

Maybe I'm latching onto this because it's the least threatening part of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that having a pretty therapist is the least of my worries. Honestly, my self esteem is in the toilet in light of my marital issues and I don't want to be sitting next to a beautiful, calm, knowing woman as I am exposed, flaws and all, in what I imagine will be an ugly crying state at some point.

Maybe I'm latching onto this because it's the least threatening part of therapy.

Your reaction to trying to find the best qualified therapist tells me that you have a ton of work to do on yourself. Have you thought of individual counseling? You would drive me crazy if I were married to you with this logic.