Not having a second / vacation home makes me feel poor & depressed. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Not interested at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With seemingly everyone who has one gone from their main residence right now, anyone else feel this way? Be honest.

Because honestly, this week I can't stop feeling "poor" (not literally, relatively) because we don't have a place to escape to. Relying on whimsical invites to friends' and family vacation homes at this point in our life just feels so low and desperate. I don't care how much or how little financial sense it makes, we need a second home. I'm so over being trapped at home all year, fishing for invitations, or even renting for a week at a time. Perhaps this is the precise feeling that motivates so many to buy a second home?

You are the lucky one getting invited to people’s homes and enjoying property of others for free be thankful. Maintaining a second home unless you are super loaded and have staff is not a piece of cake you think it is. Also not many are capitalizing on their second homes and for most middle classes it’s a drain. This money would be better spent as an income property or other investment and used for vacations to go to places you don’t need to worry about, maintain or pay extra for when local governments screw you over or there is some natural disaster or whatever.


I think the only thing you can envy is flexibility some people have to be able to go away for a month or two, which means not relying on a job that rations vacation time or having ability to WAH. People who do not need to work for a living and have kids who aren’t tied to a bunch of activities, sports and having to stay local most of the summer is who you should look up to, as they have true freedom of time. Where they stay is not even relevant.

This. If you have kids in baseball, lacrosse, and plenty of other sports, forget spending an entire summer away. We have WAH flexibility and moved from the area to a resort/mountain time so that we're happy with where we're at when we're grounded for sports.

This sort of hyperbole is such a cope. For one, travel sports are not literally every weekend. And I personally know plenty of rich parents with kids in travel sports who also have vacation homes. This obsession over how many weeks or weekends you’ll actually use a vacation home is a prole tell. Comfortably UMC and rich don’t obsess over such a thing. They want a vacation home to use it when they want; random getaways, holidays, a week or two off work.

It's not a prole tell. Very few comfortably UMC and rich DMV owned 2nd local homes at DE beaches. Comp it to Philadelphia area where a much higher % of the same set migrates to Sea Isle/Avalon/Stone Harbour/Ocean City etc. Why? 4 hour round trip for weekend use versus the reality of 8 hour round trip.

[Anonymous]

Our kids do travel sports and we own a place at the beach. We bought in 2020 right before the big run up in prices. Our kids were little back then, with no real activities because things were mostly shut down for them, so it was easy to get there a bunch of weekends in the fall. Now we are tied up most weekends once school starts but able to get there a good bit during the summer including a few weeks consecutively before school starts. Sometimes we can get there on random fall or spring weekends. The key is to have at least one parent with a very flexible and/or remote job; even better if one parent is off in summer. We would not have bought if we both worked full time all summer. The other key is don’t have the kids do sports like lacrosse or baseball where there are tournaments on multiple summer weekends.

As much as we love the beach, I wouldn’t want to spend all summer out there anyway because it would take the kids away from fun things here. Going back and forth works for us, but we have very specific circumstances that allow it. I wish the drive was more like 90 min as opposed to 3 hours, so we could get there even with a Sat afternoon sport in the fall. But we are beach people and buying at a lake or river is not at all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids do travel sports and we own a place at the beach. We bought in 2020 right before the big run up in prices. Our kids were little back then, with no real activities because things were mostly shut down for them, so it was easy to get there a bunch of weekends in the fall. Now we are tied up most weekends once school starts but able to get there a good bit during the summer including a few weeks consecutively before school starts. Sometimes we can get there on random fall or spring weekends. The key is to have at least one parent with a very flexible and/or remote job; even better if one parent is off in summer. We would not have bought if we both worked full time all summer. The other key is don’t have the kids do sports like lacrosse or baseball where there are tournaments on multiple summer weekends.

As much as we love the beach, I wouldn’t want to spend all summer out there anyway because it would take the kids away from fun things here. Going back and forth works for us, but we have very specific circumstances that allow it. I wish the drive was more like 90 min as opposed to 3 hours, so we could get there even with a Sat afternoon sport in the fall. But we are beach people and buying at a lake or river is not at all the same.

I'm the flexible parent, and I agree that it would be more difficult to make the second home worth the effort if I weren't able to spend long stretches of time out there. In our case, it has also helped that there is a lot of overlap between our social circle in the city and the one at the beach . . . the kids are happy to be there because many of their friends are there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Yes, this is real. Kids do tend to prefer stability of week-by-week routines and spending some weekend time with their friends from school too. I think having a summer home where one spends 1 month and there are local kids (or vacationers) who come every year and create some seasonal community bonds is very different from having a weekend home. The former is great, but the latter is draining TBH on people who have jobs and school aged kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Good lord. I'm skeptical of this story. I grew up going to a summer house and we left the day after school ended in June and didn't return till the day before school started. I remember the mad rush to Staples to get school supplies after the long drive back from Cape Cod. Not once did I or my siblings ever resent being "dragged away" from our hometown friends for the summer. We had a whole summer life on the Cape.

Any adult in their 50s who has resentment feelings over having to go to a family summer house or weekend house has other problems - if they exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Yes, this is real. Kids do tend to prefer stability of week-by-week routines and spending some weekend time with their friends from school too. I think having a summer home where one spends 1 month and there are local kids (or vacationers) who come every year and create some seasonal community bonds is very different from having a weekend home. The former is great, but the latter is draining TBH on people who have jobs and school aged kids.

The problem with the former is that it gets very expensive if not able to afford out right and also have enough disposable income for maintenance and someone to look after it since you use it so very little. We once rented a beach condo for a couple of weeks and met group of parents who rent 1 summer month in the condo complex every year. We became summer friends. We would rent a condo for a month and make sure to overlap with other families we met who rented in the same building complex. We had resort like amenities, amazing pool, beach, camps nearby, etc. And all without having to own anything you have to maintain. We did this a few years and then it fell apart as people’s lives changed, some were unable to come, some moved overseas, etc. Some were from overseas and stopped coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Good lord. I'm skeptical of this story. I grew up going to a summer house and we left the day after school ended in June and didn't return till the day before school started. I remember the mad rush to Staples to get school supplies after the long drive back from Cape Cod. Not once did I or my siblings ever resent being "dragged away" from our hometown friends for the summer. We had a whole summer life on the Cape.

Any adult in their 50s who has resentment feelings over having to go to a family summer house or weekend house has other problems - if they exist.

Summer homes and a weekend homes are very different things. Also, summer homes don’t work for families who have to work in person and/or want to have vacation time to go to other places. I know foreign people who go overseas to Europe for the summer every year, it’s not just summer homes for them, but also family time. Each situation is different.

Weekend homes are draining for school age kids and parent who have to work full time.

Also speak from experience

[Anonymous]

If you want a vacation home today you have to pay at the top and also have high interest rates. You know that you won’t make all this crazy appreciation like ppl who brag about buying a ho-hum beach house that went up in price 2x, so for them it’s worth it as their losses of maintaining the homes are offset by the profit they could make selling. Yes, it is depressing for people wanting a second home in this market because the first advantage of having it appreciate like crazy isn’t going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people generally keep homeowner's insurance for 2nd homes (inherited)?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Good lord. I'm skeptical of this story. I grew up going to a summer house and we left the day after school ended in June and didn't return till the day before school started. I remember the mad rush to Staples to get school supplies after the long drive back from Cape Cod. Not once did I or my siblings ever resent being "dragged away" from our hometown friends for the summer. We had a whole summer life on the Cape.

Any adult in their 50s who has resentment feelings over having to go to a family summer house or weekend house has other problems - if they exist.

Summer homes and a weekend homes are very different things. Also, summer homes don’t work for families who have to work in person and/or want to have vacation time to go to other places. I know foreign people who go overseas to Europe for the summer every year, it’s not just summer homes for them, but also family time. Each situation is different.

Weekend homes are draining for school age kids and parent who have to work full time.

Also speak from experience

I grew up in an area where it was common to have a summer house or weekend house, though the former was more common. The PP talked about adults in their 50s, which means they were teens in the 1980s. There was nothing like today's packed weekend activities for kids, extensive sports travel was incredibly rare. I do admit I find it odd that a family would drag kids to a weekend house every single weekend as their kids were growing up and I remain dubious unless there's more the poster isn't telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With seemingly everyone who has one gone from their main residence right now, anyone else feel this way? Be honest.

Because honestly, this week I can't stop feeling "poor" (not literally, relatively) because we don't have a place to escape to. Relying on whimsical invites to friends' and family vacation homes at this point in our life just feels so low and desperate. I don't care how much or how little financial sense it makes, we need a second home. I'm so over being trapped at home all year, fishing for invitations, or even renting for a week at a time. Perhaps this is the precise feeling that motivates so many to buy a second home?

IKWYM. There's only so many times one can be invited to Martha's Vineyard or the Hamptons before one feels like a sponge. Have you considered Gatlinburg?

The price appreciation in Gatlinburg during Covid was insane. Cabins that would usually sell for 600k before Covid were selling for 2.5m+. Quadrupled. The market is now turning there so hoping for a fire sale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. I grew up with a second home within driving distance and even as a teen I realized what a pain it was. Every service you use at home needs to happen at the second home too and never mind worrying about the pipes breaking when you're not there and other things that are a problem when you live there and a disaster when you don't. There's always something at the other house that you need. The primary house was broken into when it was vacant because we were at the second house.

Generally the owners of the second home, particularly in the Rehoboth, Bethany, and OC areas end up spending there time deep cleaning the second home between renters because the cleaning services in those areas clean like crap. You are always replacing things in the second home too that get broken and stolen.

Not if you don’t rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wonder about our future when these are the existential problems people are experiencing.

5 years later and where do things stand in our now present?

Everyone who owns a second home has hundreds of thousands in appreciation and has been enjoying it for five years, while the miserable know it all proles remain miserable know it all proles in their $hit shacks.

I’m not going to be mean but there is some truth to above. Our place has gone up about 700k. We love it and have made so many priceless memories there. No way are we cashing out and plan to hold for a long time.

Sometimes it’s not about the money but about family and time though. Yes we vacation elsewhere for new experiences but the second home is where we spend many weekends and the place that our kid will fondly remember spending growing up. Some things you just can’t put a price on.

My in-laws thought there kids felt that way, too. But being dragged away from their friends and activities weekend after weekend throughout their childhood has left feelings of resentment about the place and their parents that still flourishes well into their 50s.

Good lord. I'm skeptical of this story. I grew up going to a summer house and we left the day after school ended in June and didn't return till the day before school started. I remember the mad rush to Staples to get school supplies after the long drive back from Cape Cod. Not once did I or my siblings ever resent being "dragged away" from our hometown friends for the summer. We had a whole summer life on the Cape.

Any adult in their 50s who has resentment feelings over having to go to a family summer house or weekend house has other problems - if they exist.

I don’t know, this story sounds legit to me, and I speak from experience as well. For a large chunk of my childhood we’d spend all summer every summer at a lake house in upstate NY, and while there were parts of that I loved, I always hated knowing I wouldn’t see my friends until after Labor Day. Getting back would always be hectic too, since my parents always wanted to be at the lake until the last possible moment.