Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

PP also made the choice to end her marriage and did so without knowing her spouse was going to contribute to her kids college expenses. I’m guessing her rich parents are paying for it instead. Rich people have so many more options than regular folks do. I don’t want a divorce, but if I did, I couldn’t just leave without knowing how expenses would be covered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These men simply want to be worshiped. They feel their wives take them for granted and they want the high that comes with a new relationship. Plain and simple.

She pretty much did worship him, even after he cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

DP. I’m going to guess that 99% of the women who work daily with husbands who travel extensively either a) don’t have children or b) feel that their family benefits from their income.
At some point, if your family truly does not really benefit from your income, you feel guilty for going to work every day. Especially if you are essentially the only present parent in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH runs in these hedge fund/finance ”big swinging d*ck” circles, and the men making $$$ are all (including my DH) sociopaths. It is so commonplace that I don’t consider it just an innate personality characteristic, but rather a learned behavior in response to their mega success and ubiquity of that behavior in their circles.

DH has one friend in particular who I immediately thought of after reading about Belle Burden (I haven’t read her book). Despite having everything you could possibly want in life - beautiful wife and kids, tons of money, vacation homes, successful career etc etc, he left his wife and kids because he wasn’t “happy.” From what I could gather, he wants to be able to hop on a plane to party and do drugs whenever he feels like without having to answer to his wife. I know this wife gave him *a lot* of leash to begin with, but it still wasn’t enough. Ultimately, these guys who have more money than they know what to do with would rather party, have lots of sex and drugs and live a life unfettered by marriage and kids.

This is interesting. So you think it's both because of their money/high social status and the influence they have on each other?

NP here. I know someone of my extended family who behaved like this until they had a family crisis. They’ve settled down, but they’re still difficult. That said, my own ex-husband, still high net worth, but not that high, so the exact same thing to me. He had everything he knew he had everything and yet he was still unhappy. So he left. Sometimes I wonder if they work so hard to get to these spots because of some sort of like childhood issues and then when they realize it doesn’t resolve those childhood issues (that they aren’t aware of) they declare themselves unhappy and since I don’t have any financial constraints, they figure why not go check out the other side of the grass.

My opinion is that they simply get bored with the lifestyle. I know some women in these circles and everything is superficial. You say he had “everything,” but what about love, respect and free time? If you define “everything” as a fancy apartment, country house, kids in TT privates….well, some people get bored with that and want more. Some people get so engrossed with the lifestyle that they can’t understand some people tire of it. A lot of the focus of strangers was the private club, properties, lifestyle and I wouldn’t be shocked if Henry/James simply got bored with it all. If you’ve lived your entire life in a monied circle you don’t even know that there are people out there who don’t care at all about private clubs and private schools.

Henry James! That’s perfect, because it’s the same social set he wrote about and the plot (a long con?) is a little like The Golden Bowl.

+1. I had the same thought. The story is very Henry Jamesian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH runs in these hedge fund/finance ”big swinging d*ck” circles, and the men making $$$ are all (including my DH) sociopaths. It is so commonplace that I don’t consider it just an innate personality characteristic, but rather a learned behavior in response to their mega success and ubiquity of that behavior in their circles.

DH has one friend in particular who I immediately thought of after reading about Belle Burden (I haven’t read her book). Despite having everything you could possibly want in life - beautiful wife and kids, tons of money, vacation homes, successful career etc etc, he left his wife and kids because he wasn’t “happy.” From what I could gather, he wants to be able to hop on a plane to party and do drugs whenever he feels like without having to answer to his wife. I know this wife gave him *a lot* of leash to begin with, but it still wasn’t enough. Ultimately, these guys who have more money than they know what to do with would rather party, have lots of sex and drugs and live a life unfettered by marriage and kids.

This is interesting. So you think it's both because of their money/high social status and the influence they have on each other?

NP here. I know someone of my extended family who behaved like this until they had a family crisis. They’ve settled down, but they’re still difficult. That said, my own ex-husband, still high net worth, but not that high, so the exact same thing to me. He had everything he knew he had everything and yet he was still unhappy. So he left. Sometimes I wonder if they work so hard to get to these spots because of some sort of like childhood issues and then when they realize it doesn’t resolve those childhood issues (that they aren’t aware of) they declare themselves unhappy and since I don’t have any financial constraints, they figure why not go check out the other side of the grass.

James Ian.
This is interesting. Thank you for sharing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

DP. I’m going to guess that 99% of the women who work daily with husbands who travel extensively either a) don’t have children or b) feel that their family benefits from their income.
At some point, if your family truly does not really benefit from your income, you feel guilty for going to work every day. Especially if you are essentially the only present parent in the home.

Your post reeks of sexism that holds women back. Just because your DH does well doesn’t mean you don’t need to succeed. Unless you’re independently wealthy you need to earn an income and prioritize yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH runs in these hedge fund/finance ”big swinging d*ck” circles, and the men making $$$ are all (including my DH) sociopaths. It is so commonplace that I don’t consider it just an innate personality characteristic, but rather a learned behavior in response to their mega success and ubiquity of that behavior in their circles.

DH has one friend in particular who I immediately thought of after reading about Belle Burden (I haven’t read her book). Despite having everything you could possibly want in life - beautiful wife and kids, tons of money, vacation homes, successful career etc etc, he left his wife and kids because he wasn’t “happy.” From what I could gather, he wants to be able to hop on a plane to party and do drugs whenever he feels like without having to answer to his wife. I know this wife gave him *a lot* of leash to begin with, but it still wasn’t enough. Ultimately, these guys who have more money than they know what to do with would rather party, have lots of sex and drugs and live a life unfettered by marriage and kids.

This is interesting. So you think it's both because of their money/high social status and the influence they have on each other?

NP here. I know someone of my extended family who behaved like this until they had a family crisis. They’ve settled down, but they’re still difficult. That said, my own ex-husband, still high net worth, but not that high, so the exact same thing to me. He had everything he knew he had everything and yet he was still unhappy. So he left. Sometimes I wonder if they work so hard to get to these spots because of some sort of like childhood issues and then when they realize it doesn’t resolve those childhood issues (that they aren’t aware of) they declare themselves unhappy and since I don’t have any financial constraints, they figure why not go check out the other side of the grass.

My opinion is that they simply get bored with the lifestyle. I know some women in these circles and everything is superficial. You say he had “everything,” but what about love, respect and free time? If you define “everything” as a fancy apartment, country house, kids in TT privates….well, some people get bored with that and want more. Some people get so engrossed with the lifestyle that they can’t understand some people tire of it. A lot of the focus of strangers was the private club, properties, lifestyle and I wouldn’t be shocked if Henry/James simply got bored with it all. If you’ve lived your entire life in a monied circle you don’t even know that there are people out there who don’t care at all about private clubs and private schools.

Henry James! That’s perfect, because it’s the same social set he wrote about and the plot (a long con?) is a little like The Golden Bowl.

+1. I had the same thought. The story is very Henry Jamesian.

I’d like to think Belle Burden is intentional with the Henry/James names, but I kind of doubt it. The Golden Bowl really is like Strangers, except how events shake out over time (no spoilers). Belle is like the Maggie Vervor character, and her husband is like
“Prince Amerigo, an impoverished but charming Italian aristocrat,” who cheats on Maggie, renewing his affair with a former lover, Charlotte Stant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

DP. I’m going to guess that 99% of the women who work daily with husbands who travel extensively either a) don’t have children or b) feel that their family benefits from their income.
At some point, if your family truly does not really benefit from your income, you feel guilty for going to work every day. Especially if you are essentially the only present parent in the home.

Your post reeks of sexism that holds women back. Just because your DH does well doesn’t mean you don’t need to succeed. Unless you’re independently wealthy you need to earn an income and prioritize yourself.

I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know many women who prioritize themselves over their children for hours a day every day.
99% of women who work full time either don’t have kids at home or they feel that their family benefits from their income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

DP. I’m going to guess that 99% of the women who work daily with husbands who travel extensively either a) don’t have children or b) feel that their family benefits from their income.
At some point, if your family truly does not really benefit from your income, you feel guilty for going to work every day. Especially if you are essentially the only present parent in the home.

Your post reeks of sexism that holds women back. Just because your DH does well doesn’t mean you don’t need to succeed. Unless you’re independently wealthy you need to earn an income and prioritize yourself.

I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know many women who prioritize themselves over their children for hours a day every day.
99% of women who work full time either don’t have kids at home or they feel that their family benefits from their income.

DP here. I am a longtime SAHM but I can think of many women I know who work simply because they do not wish to SAH and would rather work. Women whose husbands make more than mine does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These men simply want to be worshiped. They feel their wives take them for granted and they want the high that comes with a new relationship. Plain and simple.

Even if the wife worships them, they want the same from a newer model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These men simply want to be worshiped. They feel their wives take them for granted and they want the high that comes with a new relationship. Plain and simple.

Even if the wife worships them, they want the same from a newer model.

Yes, this. It's very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These men simply want to be worshiped. They feel their wives take them for granted and they want the high that comes with a new relationship. Plain and simple.

Even if the wife worships them, they want the same from a newer model.

Yes, this. It's very common.

Only if the man was not raised properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These men simply want to be worshiped. They feel their wives take them for granted and they want the high that comes with a new relationship. Plain and simple.

Even if the wife worships them, they want the same from a newer model.

Yes, this. It's very common.

Only if the man was not raised properly.

Sure. I'm not defending the practice. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

You impoverished yourself by quitting your job. No one made you do this. I get that at the time it made sense and you felt like you needed to and you could, but you really did not have to do this. There are millions of women who go to work daily with husbands who travel extensively.

You go on saying he’s a sociopath and impoverishing you, but nowhere do you take any blame or suggest you had anything to do with any of this. You did: you quit your job!

DP. I’m going to guess that 99% of the women who work daily with husbands who travel extensively either a) don’t have children or b) feel that their family benefits from their income.
At some point, if your family truly does not really benefit from your income, you feel guilty for going to work every day. Especially if you are essentially the only present parent in the home.

Your post reeks of sexism that holds women back. Just because your DH does well doesn’t mean you don’t need to succeed. Unless you’re independently wealthy you need to earn an income and prioritize yourself.

I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know many women who prioritize themselves over their children for hours a day every day.
99% of women who work full time either don’t have kids at home or they feel that their family benefits from their income.

In our set, the women are physicians, lawyers, professors, journalists, etc., married to law firm partners, hedge fund or tech types. The women are not working for income. Their work gives them purpose. And they are typically quite successful on their chosen fields.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious the New Yorker article was planted by her ex husband and his PR team. Masterful rebuttal of her smear campaign against him.

It’s not gaining much traction though.

Because even if you try to unfairly take half of your spouse's family money, and she remains rich, it's still a scummy thing to do when the cheating spouse has kept all his income during the life of a 20 year marriage.

And he's always going to be the ultimate pig for abandoning his 3 kids without a backwards glance.

You realize she kept all her income, right?

You don't seem to have read her book, if you don't realize she basically had no income for 20 years because she stayed home raising their 3 kids (despite having equally strong academic credentials as her spouse.) Do you not realize that this was unrenumerated labor she provided to their children?

IT’s not just unrenumerated labor she provided to her children, it’s unrenumerated labor she provided to him which he was then able to monetize for his career success - keeping all the money he earned (part of which was due to her unrenumerated labor) for himself.

She kept all her money to herself! Per the prenup.

You can keep saying that, but those of us who know how to read know it's not true. Just because people are rich doesn't mean that they can't be victims of husbands who financially abuse them.

She did not keep all her money to herself. She put most of two trust funds (in her name only) into real estate then titled in both her and her husband's names. So, as soon as she did that, her money was not in her name and he could expect to get half of the house's value in divorce, especially if he paid any of his income toward bills on the house, which she acknowledged he did. The inheritance became "commingled" and thus marital property.

Her lawyer told her not to do it. It's unclear to me why she did it, except for cultural reasons -- that's the way marriage worked. He, however, never titled any of his assets or income in her name, and was not transparent with her about his income or savings or prospective partnership timeline. There are reasons to want to have a husband be able to stay in a house with kids after your untimely death, but there are other ways to do it rather than outright titling the house together. Put the house in a trust controlled by Belle or her family. Give the husband a right to live in the house until the kids are 18 or 21 or 25, and then the house is sold and the proceeds are held in trust for the kids. Or have a contract which states what part of the increase of value of the house is apportioned to Belle or her husband based on when and how much each put into the house. It sounds like she didn't have enough guaranteed income to pay for the entire mortgage of both houses and still be able to support their lifestyle. This is a problem that many couples experience after divorce - not being able to support the joint house and same lifestyle, albeit most people are not at this high an income bracket. Because he ended up becoming a partner (in part due to her SAHM life and her family pedigree), he had a future income potential that she did not, so I can understand why she didn't believe it would be prudent to keep both houses if he insisted on taking half of each.

I find it frustrating that articles incorrectly say she is worth $60 million. Something like 2/3 or more of that amount is tied up in a life estate for her stepmom. It could be decades before she inherits anything from that and there is no certainty of the worth over time. Meanwhile, the issue is can she support the lifestyle at the time of divorce?

I'm in a similar situation, although not at that high an income bracket. I ended my marriage due to my ex-husband's serial infidelity. He chose to walk away without parenting our two children, and he chose to pay minimal support because the law won't force him to pay for college or any extras and because somehow he believes that because my parents are wealthy I am wealthy even though it is obvious I am not. I may inherit a substantial sum in a day or decades, or I may not, and meanwhile he impoverishes me by making me the full-time parent and making me pay for all extras and college. Having gone SAHM due to his extensive work travel schedule, there is no way I can earn enough to support my kids without his equal contribution. He also gets away with it because I kept the secret of our divorce, telling only my parents, siblings and a few friends why we were separating.

At the core, the men who do this are sociopaths - using other people for their own advancement. They get away with it as long as they can manipulate people and still maintain their public face. That is why what Burden has done is so extraordinary -- to break the silence on this sociopathy by telling the truth of the infidelity and abandonment in a way that doesn't make her the "crazy one" is really a rarity. And the book is successful because many women recognize themselves in it -- having husbands who walk away from the parenting responsibility and full and equal financial responsibility for the kids in proportion to their income.

The misleading part of her book is how she presents the properties as her trusts having paid for them in almost entirety. Except there were decent sized mortgages on both properties. He paid for those mortgages and upkeep for decades. The “small mortgage” part was misleading as I assumed the mortgage was say $1 mm and the purchase price $9 mm.

If I were to marry someone with tens to hundreds of millions and they came to me with a prenup to protect that money, I’d absolutely want to keep my own earnings separate. He would have been foolish had he signed over 50% of his future earnings to her. Doesn’t at all seem unreasonable to me that he protected his money in the same manner she did his.

Correction - they paid the mortgages. She says they split expenses 50/50 (even though she had less income from him even with the inheritance). Financially, she put more money into the homes than he did, but yet he was going to get 50/50 equity. She doesn't have hundreds of millions. She had an interest in a life estate for her stepmom. That life estate was sizable (45 million) but she has no access to it until the stepmom is dead. Who knows how much will be left in it, and she will have to split it with sibling and pay estate tax. She has a $6 million interest in a family holding company, WAMBCO, but it's not like that's a publicly tradable asset that she can tap at any time. Family structures like that don't have to disclose, and so no one has any idea of the terms of the trust. It's very common that the parents are able to take out a small portion of the trust. Depending on how it's invested that could be as little as 3% a year, which is $180,000 -- not starving territory, but definitely not enough to hold onto two multimillion dollar houses or buy out your spouse. Yes, she had some "income" - payment ($300K) for work selling assets in a trust, but that kind of payout is often not predictable. Someone probably had to die or decide to downsize to sell that asset. One year she had 800,000 in income including 190,000 from the sale of her mom's home in the catskills. So that means, maybe $600,000 K of income that may reflect a more steady income stream (or not). Still not enough to buy your husband out of 2 multimillion dollar properties. Yes, she had a Vanguard account and a share in the family trust together totaling 10 million. No way to know how much of that was actually liquid. The asset value isn't related to what she could actually get access to.

Other than that she had two trusts that the New Yorker said she tapped to buy the 2 homes - a 4 million dollar apartment with a 1 million dollar mortgage. That home later sold for 12 million; a 50/50 split would have given her husband 6 million although by percentage invested, she put down 75% and paid half of the remaining 1/4 value by mortgage. So by investment percentage she should have gotten 87.5% of the value of the home at sale -- or 10.5 million (instead of 6). She put 2.4 million toward a house with a 3 million dollar mortgage. She paid 44.4% down on the other house and paid half of the remaining mortgage, so she had an interest in 77% of the house valued at 7.7 million subsequently. That share would have been 5.9 million but at 50/50, she would have only gotten 3.85 million. Essentially, a 50/50 split would have meant that he essentially was going to take 7 million in appreciation for which he did not put down the proportional amount of capital. He was a finance guy. He knew exactly what he was trying to get away with, and probably the only thing that made him not do it in the end was the knowledge that she hadn't kept her mouth shut about their split, so he was no longer confident that she would keep her mouth shut about being financially screwed by him. He was able to put his money to work during the marriage, while hers was tied up in the real estate they lived in. He was able to pay a very small proportion of the bills in the houses he lived in, which enabled him to put his money to work in investments solely in his name. And, he got access to a social circle that benefited his career as well as, ultimately, a stay at home wife, which also benefited his career.

It's interesting to me how people don't do the math on the houses. It's also interesting to me that the article scrutinizes Belle's finances but only gives a dollar amount to her husband's salary at the time of signing the divorce ($200K of base salary only - not listing a bonus which for a hedge fund is usually millions more) and a dollar amount to how much he will pay each year for the kids ($600K - 3/4 of one year's income for her). The article never mentions his full salary at the time of the divorce, even though the author says she has the divorce agreement. (As a hedge fund guy who is paying $600K to the kids, it's got to be in the multimillions). Also the article consistently conflates asset value and having your name on a trust with the idea that she could get full access to the total amount. Wild how his finances totally escaped scrutiny in this situation.