Cheating?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday at 5:20 my spouse left the office to go to the gym. They said they'd be home afterwards. At 7:45, I called to ask where they were? Answer was stopped by the office to collect things since they weren't going in today.

Today, they mentioned their to do list and going into the office for an hour was one of the to do things. I haven't said anything but I'm wondering if yesterday's late arrival home was BS. Spouse has cheated once (I know of) in the past.

What are your thoughts? Should I confront or just shut up and start gathering evidence?

[Anonymous]

Based on history, I'd keep my guard up. I wouldn't call him/her out until you have solid evidence. Because once they feel that you are on to them, they'll start being more careful. Let them get comfortable, they'll slip up to the point you'll have good evidence, and then you confront.

And if he/she is cheating, I hope to hell you leave this person and never consider getting back together.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! It was made VERY clear that I would not tolerate that behavior continuing. I figured if I messed up I'd want to be forgiven, but to continually mess up is unforgivable. If be outta here and never looking back if it's happening again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you! It was made VERY clear that I would not tolerate that behavior continuing. I figured if I messed up I'd want to be forgiven, but to continually mess up is unforgivable. If be outta here and never looking back if it's happening again.

I give you credit for sticking around. I know after it happened once, I'd have a hard time trusting going forward. It would always be in the back of my mind and I would not rest easy. Every time something little like this came up, it would be my first question "Is she cheating again?". I wouldn't want that stress.

Good lucky

[Anonymous]

Mount a secret GPS tracking device in their car! You might not like what you find out, but at least you'll find out!

[Anonymous]

Because your spouse has cheated before, you should, any time you want, be able to call for transparency without notice. It should be understood between you that proving trustworthiness takes time, and your spouse's life should be an open book that you can read at will. I have this understanding with my spouse. I never actually check up or look at texts/accounts or anything, because I don't want to reduce my life to that and I have better things to do with my time. However, if they did something that concerned me, I'd want to check it out. You deserve peace of mind, and they have to go the extra mile to help you with that if they've cheated before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because your spouse has cheated before, you should, any time you want, be able to call for transparency without notice. It should be understood between you that proving trustworthiness takes time, and your spouse's life should be an open book that you can read at will. I have this understanding with my spouse. I never actually check up or look at texts/accounts or anything, because I don't want to reduce my life to that and I have better things to do with my time. However, if they did something that concerned me, I'd want to check it out. You deserve peace of mind, and they have to go the extra mile to help you with that if they've cheated before.

This sounds completely miserable. That isn't trust. That won't lead to building new trust. This will only fuel anger and lead one to feel like they are being watched at all times. That they have no privacy.

If you are going to stay with someone that has cheated on you, you have to forgive. Stay on guard for obvious signs, but let the other person be an adult that isn't on watch all the time. If someone is going to cheat again, they will. Your call for transparency is not going to keep them honest and may actually push them to stray again.