Response Time.. MIL
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Anonymous
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Background- MIL is very quiet. We don't communicate much unless visiting. Then things are great. She lives 4 hours away and has a very busy life- work, husband, teenage stepchildren, etc. I have expressed, in the past, that I would love for our children to see their grandparents/speak with them more frequently. Despite making this request in the nicest way possible, no change from her. I really try to appreciate her for the person she is but I often struggle with my desire for her to be different. I know this is my own issue to deal with. But I can't help but think my 4.5 year old is going to start noticing that Nana hardly visits, never calls, etc.
THAT BEING SAID... We have a super busy summer and DH is in graduate school most weekends. Normally we would try to visit MIL at least once during the summer, but he cannot travel at all. I have a few trips planned with my parents and the kids, so I thought it would be good for MIL and Step-FIL to have a weekend with them as well. I decided to call up my MIL last week and offer to drive the kids the 4 hours to come visit them ANY weekend over the next 3 months. Asked her to check her calendar and let me know what would work and we would work around their schedule. She seemed excited about the prospect and said she would love to see us.... Then.. RADIO Silence. Nothing. I don't know what I expected. I guess I thought they would immediately pow-wow about dates and respond ASAP to lock in a weekend. Delayed response makes me feel like they are ambivalent. Like they don't particularly care whether we are able to visit or not. Am I crazy? Talk me down. |
Anonymous
| She's still parenting teenagers - I wouldn't take it personally. It's hard to parent someone else's kids. |
Anonymous
| Does she have social anxiety? |
Anonymous
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Yes, she's not really in full grandparent mode yet because her own life is so full and chaotic.
Just let it go. If she offers up and date and you are still free on that weekend, head up there. Otherwise, just do you own thing this summer. |
Anonymous
| Children are really hard to parent if you're not used to it. I don't think a lot of grandparents could take kids for a full weekend by themselves. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Would it be better if you offered her your three best weekends? That might actually be easier for her to work through.
Just send an email saying you are checking in, wondering what might work, and if you don't hear from her in a week you can't promise that all the weekends will be clear. Consider your due diligence done and start filling the calendar. |
Anonymous
Your offer is so generous. I can't imagine why she wouldn't take you up on it. 
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Anonymous
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I'm like your MIL. I can't handle too many things at once, and it looks as if she's really busy. Doesn't mean she doesn't love your kids! You have to be proactive and get back to her each time you want to see her. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Am I reading this wrong? Instead of your family visiting hers, you just want to drop the kids off for a weekend or longer? |
Anonymous
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Op, know what your own timetable is - - how far ahead you need to know (so you aren't resentful) Let her know "I need to hear re: a visit on XX date by XX date." Then stand firm. If she misses your deadline - well you tried. You can try again later when it's convenient for you, and again see if she can give you an answer.
The bigger picture is - you keep trying. But you do so within the parameters you set (know your own mind) so you don't become resentful |
Anonymous
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^ OP, you ARE going to be there for the weekend, right?
You AREN'T dropping them off and leaving her to take care of them while you leave, right? Some of us aren't sure what you meant. |
Anonymous
| OP, maybe more people at her house is difficult and hard to get enthusiastic about. What if you and your kids drove up and stayed at a hotel - then visit some. Again, at a time/weekend that's good for both MIL and you. |
Anonymous
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OP, are you planning to stay in a hotel and then have them join you? The grandparents can have some input on the activities since it's their neck of the woods.
Anything resembling you dropping off your kids, or assuming to stay with them or asking them to create a weekend itinerary for their family and yours is pushy. |