Would you consider anonymous explicit Internet chat cheating if it was a secret?

[Anonymous]

What other non physical activities would you consider cheating? Especially if done secretly.

[Anonymous]

Yep. Anything intimate.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

To me, if it was on chat, remained on chat and never went further, probably not. I don't feel it's that much different from watching porn. If it was video chat or progressed further, then to me, it starts making it's way closer to "cheating".

[Anonymous]

Yes, because it's active. Not passive like porn.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's full-on cheating or not, but it does cross a boundary with me. Interacting with another live human being is a no-go. Porn? Fine. Reading stories? Fine. But texting, chat, calling phone sex lines (does anyone do that anymore? But just an example), email, replying to Craigslist messages - even if no intention to meet -- all too "real" and too close to the boundary for me to be okay with it. I say this as someone who enjoyed some chat and similar things when single, but it's just not okay (for us) when in a relationship IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anything that is taking time and effort away from your primary relationship, has the potential to damage it.

I say this as someone who was involved in a very explicit email relationship with a former flame for years. When the fallout happened, it was every bit as awful as a "full blown" affair, because it was, in a way.

We were able to repair our relationship, but it took a separation and a lot of counseling for me. Now, I see that had I been putting that effort in at home, it never had to come to that.

[Anonymous]

I think I would laugh if my husband were on AOL chat talking dirty with someone who could be a hideous woman or even a man. Lol have fun with that, buddy.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what my spouse does. Would be nice to see if he still has a sex drive, even I wasn't involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's full-on cheating or not, but it does cross a boundary with me. Interacting with another live human being is a no-go. Porn? Fine. Reading stories? Fine. But texting, chat, calling phone sex lines (does anyone do that anymore? But just an example), email, replying to Craigslist messages - even if no intention to meet -- all too "real" and too close to the boundary for me to be okay with it. I say this as someone who enjoyed some chat and similar things when single, but it's just not okay (for us) when in a relationship IMO.

But does anyone's real life relationship fully satisfy them? I say this as a mid 40s woman who has had several extracurricular relationships. The guys I've dated who were really into sex were not a good match in other ways; the husband material guys tended to have lower libidos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anything that is taking time and effort away from your primary relationship, has the potential to damage it.

I say this as someone who was involved in a very explicit email relationship with a former flame for years. When the fallout happened, it was every bit as awful as a "full blown" affair, because it was, in a way.

We were able to repair our relationship, but it took a separation and a lot of counseling for me. Now, I see that had I been putting that effort in at home, it never had to come to that.

My husband is happy with 20 minutes of missionary 4 or 5 times a month. Doesn't like any naughty texts, any buildup. It's a purely biological function for him. Sorry, but I need more than that. I'm taking nothing away from him by pursuing non physical relationships with others. If anything, he's relieved because I don't pester him constantly for sexual attention and I'm more content than the first 10 years of our relationship, during which time I didn't have any outside relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything that is taking time and effort away from your primary relationship, has the potential to damage it.

I say this as someone who was involved in a very explicit email relationship with a former flame for years. When the fallout happened, it was every bit as awful as a "full blown" affair, because it was, in a way.

We were able to repair our relationship, but it took a separation and a lot of counseling for me. Now, I see that had I been putting that effort in at home, it never had to come to that.

My husband is happy with 20 minutes of missionary 4 or 5 times a month. Doesn't like any naughty texts, any buildup. It's a purely biological function for him. Sorry, but I need more than that. I'm taking nothing away from him by pursuing non physical relationships with others. If anything, he's relieved because I don't pester him constantly for sexual attention and I'm more content than the first 10 years of our relationship, during which time I didn't have any outside relationships.

Does your DH know about them though, and if not, would
It bother him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything that is taking time and effort away from your primary relationship, has the potential to damage it.

I say this as someone who was involved in a very explicit email relationship with a former flame for years. When the fallout happened, it was every bit as awful as a "full blown" affair, because it was, in a way.

We were able to repair our relationship, but it took a separation and a lot of counseling for me. Now, I see that had I been putting that effort in at home, it never had to come to that.

My husband is happy with 20 minutes of missionary 4 or 5 times a month. Doesn't like any naughty texts, any buildup. It's a purely biological function for him. Sorry, but I need more than that. I'm taking nothing away from him by pursuing non physical relationships with others. If anything, he's relieved because I don't pester him constantly for sexual attention and I'm more content than the first 10 years of our relationship, during which time I didn't have any outside relationships.

Does your DH know about them though, and if not, would
It bother him?

Doesn't know, and his pride would be hurt. I've told him point blank I'm not satisfied, but he thinks I should be grateful for what I get. UGH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anything that is taking time and effort away from your primary relationship, has the potential to damage it.

I say this as someone who was involved in a very explicit email relationship with a former flame for years. When the fallout happened, it was every bit as awful as a "full blown" affair, because it was, in a way.

We were able to repair our relationship, but it took a separation and a lot of counseling for me. Now, I see that had I been putting that effort in at home, it never had to come to that.

How was your email relationship discovered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What other non physical activities would you consider cheating? Especially if done secretly.

Yes, because it was done secretly. That pretty much makes it cheating. If you didn't think it was wrong, you'd let your partner know and not hide it right?