if you were ambivalent about kids....

[Anonymous]

what did you end up doing? why? and did you regret that decision?

I go back and forth a lot - its never been an intense longing for me but certainly seems very tempting some times. My husband LOVES kids but travels a lot for work so understands it'd largely be on me and will support what every decision I make. I'd love to hear what others decided when they didn't feel a strong or clear drive one way or the other

[Anonymous]

I was ambivalent. And I had a child. I love my DC, but realize I was not meant to have kids. Do I regret my child? No. Do I regret having a child when I knew it was something I didn't really want. Yes. Be sure or don't do it.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were pretty big fence-riders. We TTC'd for 5 months. Then we were like "WTF are we doing?!" and stopped. Thank goodness I didn't get pregnant then.

I went on 3 years of birth control (Nexplanon) and then we'll make a permanent decision. I'd say we're both pretty heavily leaning towards staying childfree. I feel like if I wanted a kid, now is the time - the older I get, the less appealing it gets.

I felt a lot of relief once we stopped, to be honest.

The book "The Baby Decision" has been helpful for me. It was done in the 1980's and is out of print, but many libraries can get it for you through inter library loan. It's an awesome book full of exercises to get to your true feelings on the topic. Non-judgmental either way, not pro or anti. There's a good Dear Sugar column too, something like "The Ghost Ship that didn't Sail" or similar.

[Anonymous]

Married for ten years before DC1. Wasn't sure I wanted kids at all. Best thing I ever did in my life.

[Anonymous]

Mulled, contemplated, agonized for a long time. Eventually agreed, mostly b/c significant other (now DW) wouldn't have married me without a commitment to have kids.

After all that anguish, being a father is a greater joy than anything I've ever experienced or had ever imagined.

Made me a better person by far. Hard work, and painful at times, but the rewards are immense.

[Anonymous]

I only wanted kids because I wanted my husband more than I didn't want kids. We have two. I do not relate to the "being a mother is the most important job in the world" women. I love my kids, but don't like parenting and certainly don't like other people's kids. But I love my husband and he loves being a father.

[MikeL]

Anonymous wrote:Mulled, contemplated, agonized for a long time. Eventually agreed, mostly b/c significant other (now DW) wouldn't have married me without a commitment to have kids.

After all that anguish, being a father is a greater joy than anything I've ever experienced or had ever imagined.

Made me a better person by far. Hard work, and painful at times, but the rewards are immense.

Amen, brother.
I sat on the fence for a while about it, but could not imagine my life without my kids in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what did you end up doing? why? and did you regret that decision?

I go back and forth a lot - its never been an intense longing for me but certainly seems very tempting some times. My husband LOVES kids but travels a lot for work so understands it'd largely be on me and will support what every decision I make. I'd love to hear what others decided when they didn't feel a strong or clear drive one way or the other

Haven't you made this thread before? Not attacking. Just wondering if you're the one in consulting with the husband who also has a hectic job.

[Anonymous]

MikeL wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mulled, contemplated, agonized for a long time. Eventually agreed, mostly b/c significant other (now DW) wouldn't have married me without a commitment to have kids.

After all that anguish, being a father is a greater joy than anything I've ever experienced or had ever imagined.

Made me a better person by far. Hard work, and painful at times, but the rewards are immense.

Amen, brother.
I sat on the fence for a while about it, but could not imagine my life without my kids in it.

For those that had kids and seem some what like they regret it (though of course love your children) do you feel the same way as the person above in purple?

[Anonymous]

There is book you might like called "Maybe, Baby"
My child is the greatest joy, biggest accomplishment and the source of great joy. I also feel like I have an anchor around my neck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did you end up doing? why? and did you regret that decision?

I go back and forth a lot - its never been an intense longing for me but certainly seems very tempting some times. My husband LOVES kids but travels a lot for work so understands it'd largely be on me and will support what every decision I make. I'd love to hear what others decided when they didn't feel a strong or clear drive one way or the other

Haven't you made this thread before? Not attacking. Just wondering if you're the one in consulting with the husband who also has a hectic job.

Nope not me though I'll look for that one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is book you might like called "Maybe, Baby"
My child is the greatest joy, biggest accomplishment and the source of great joy. I also feel like I have an anchor around my neck.

When people told me parenting would be both the most difficult and the best thing I ever did, I truly wondered how that contradiction was possible and assumed it must be an exaggeration. But once you become a parent, you get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did you end up doing? why? and did you regret that decision?

I go back and forth a lot - its never been an intense longing for me but certainly seems very tempting some times. My husband LOVES kids but travels a lot for work so understands it'd largely be on me and will support what every decision I make. I'd love to hear what others decided when they didn't feel a strong or clear drive one way or the other

Haven't you made this thread before? Not attacking. Just wondering if you're the one in consulting with the husband who also has a hectic job.

Nope not me though I'll look for that one

OP here again - actually I think I read that one also. She was concerned about giving up lifestyle I think - I'm not really worried about that, we're already in a family friendly neighborhood, mainly socialize very locally with people that have kids, have disposable income so we wouldn't have to "sacrifice" material wise, etc. Other than the day to day work of a kid (which I'm not minimizing) our overall "lifestyle" wouldn't change that much.

I guess that's what I'm going back and forth on, when I'm pretty happy with life today and don't feel an achy longing for a child but do like the idea of having the type of experiences PPs have described and do worry that I'd regret NOT doing it, how do I get over the hump one way or the other? How likely is it I'll have those experiences / feelings that get you through the day to day if I'm not the type who feels "of course I'll have kids!"

Not surprisingly sounds mixed responses. some people went for it and love it. Others sound like they kind of regret it. Others didn't go for it and so far no one has said they've regretted missing out but also don't describe their lives as full of the joys the happy parents describe. So its a high beta move to have them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for ten years before DC1. Wasn't sure I wanted kids at all. Best thing I ever did in my life.

Same except we were living together for 18 yrs. finally got married when I was pregnant. Love DC and wish we had changed our minds earlier so we could have another child. I was 42 when DS was born so pretty much the very end of the natural fertility period. We consider ourselves very lucky.

We had a lot of fun being married with no kid, we had a jet setting life style, but now our child brings us more joy than anything else.

[Anonymous]

I do not regret the decision because I love my son very much, but I do miss my autonomy and freedom with movement and ability to sleep in and the money spent and being able to eat/smoke/drink what I want (I am breast-feeding) and social life very much.