6-yo daughter & her dad
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My 6-yo daughter has no memory of her dad, he left us when she was 7 months old. He has made no effort to be in contact with us over the years. It hasn't been awful, I have remarried and her new dad legally adopted her with an easy signature from her biological father. She knows about him, bits and pieces. She doesn't really care, but I know that she will probably start to as she gets older. What do you think the odds are that he may change his mind and decide to become a part of her life? I guess, I'm just trying to prepare myself for how hard this will be. |
Anonymous
|
I would not be so quick to think this will tear your daughter up if he doesn't come back.
My biological father left my mother and I when I was 4 months old and my mother remarried when I was 7. The man she remarried is my dad, in every sense of the word. I have not once felt left behind or unloved, I really don't care where/who the biological father is and if he came back into my life I'd simply say "no thanks." Every situation is different of course, and your daughter might feel differently, but I don't think you should worry about it until she starts worrying about it. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a loser so I doubt he comes back in. This situation happened to my husband. His parents divorced when he was 4 and his real dad just exited the scene. His "stepdad" is his dad and has raised him though never formally adopted them because my mil said she always wanted to leave that door open for bio dad just in case. My husband considers his "step"dad to be his dad. He IS his dad. And he's been a great dad. However, and this could be general personality or the fact that he's a middle kid, I do feel like my husband exhibits traits of not feeling "good enough." He needs a lot of validation. He bristles if he feels he isn't being treated like he should be. He needs a lot of praise. I feel like this most likely stems from a childhood fear of not being "good enough" for his dad to care about. He is a great father though, for what its worth. Has really devoted himself to being an involved and active dad to our kids. Again, he might have been that either way but I would bet it was born of a need to NOT be like his father. |
Anonymous
| If her father legally adopted her -- then he is her father. Her bio dad has no legal right to "change his mind and become part of her life." He has no relationship to her, legal or actual. |
Anonymous
I definitely agree with this, but if her bio dad knocked on the door tomorrow I would have to let him see her. Legality aside, if he wanted to talk to her, I would have to consider it. I wouldn't want her to find out years later and be angry at me. I just don't think that he will ever be the active or consistent figure he said he would be. It's very sad. Her step-dad is phenomenal, and she does call him dad. He is just so wonderful in every way. No matter what, I will always worry about this, though. |
Anonymous
No you don't. Even if he didn't sign off on his parental rights, letting him back in would be detrimental. After a period of time of no contact it's called abandonment. He's already gone one step further than that and signed his name. You don't owe this man a second of your time. You DO owe it to your daughter to protect her in every sense you can. You'd be ok with him breezing through town once every few years, making a mess of her head and leaving you to clean up the mess with therapy? Because I sure wouldn't. Besides... I think you're putting time into entertaining something that'll never happen anyway. If he wanted to be there, he would have been there. |
Anonymous
|
Your dh adopted her-DH is her dad. The other guy is nobody, you don't 'have' to let him in or do anything, he has no rights ever.
For the sake of your dd, dh and marriage, you need to put that guy out of your mind and life forever. My dh adoped my oldest when he was 3. Raised him. We never had anything to do ever with the bio. My son could do whatever he wanted when he turned 18, but I would not be involved. Bio passed so it wasn't an issue. I am so glad I never had to coparent with that fool. |
Anonymous
| If your husband adopted her, you should get his opinion as to what to do if your ex comes back. This is your husbands daughter you are talking about. Not your ex's. Prioritize your loyalty. |
Anonymous
| Zero chance. He sounds like a loser. Glad you have made a happy new life for DD. |
SingleDad24x7
Member Offline
Member Offline
I'd give you *highly unlikely* and for the same reason (sounds like a loser)...but those losers seem to have a way of being just flighty enough to try to change their minds & waltz back in as if everyone else should be fine with their latest decision du jour. Like a number of previous posters have said, there's no legal need to acknowledge the loser, but it would be very wise to have a chat with the new husband (and very real dad) about how to address the event if Loser ever does try to come back into the picture. |
Anonymous
|
He probably is not coming back, unless it was an issue like drugs or mental illness that he could conceivably get treatment for and become a different person, not just being an asshole.
That said, at this age, it is completely up to you to decide how to handle it and if you don't want him around her, say no. As she gets older, she should get more of a say, but at 6 it is your choice. |