Best friend hurt over god parent choice

[Anonymous]

Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

[Anonymous]

That's tough. Can you tell her that you personally may agree with her but that your church doesn't, and so you have to abide by what the church says but it's not a reflection on her?

[Anonymous]

Tell her not even all Catholics can be Catholic godparents. They must be in good standing (practicing, not divorced/remarried, current with sacraments, etc. They must submit documentation signed by their parish priest certifying their standing. It is a sacrament, not a ceremony, and in the Catholic faith the godparents are an actual part of the sacrament, not just a ceremonial role.

That being said, she CAN stand in as a witness as long as you have at least one actual godparent. She won't be able to sign the baptismal certificate though. Maybe you can talk to your parish priest about her participating in the capacity of a witness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough. Can you tell her that you personally may agree with her but that your church doesn't, and so you have to abide by what the church says but it's not a reflection on her?

+1

OP, you are just the messenger.

That said, you could have a Catholic godparent and a Christian witness:

http://www.catholicdoors.com/faq/qu293.htm

[Anonymous]

So our church is more in the thinking of your friend. DS' Godmother was never even confirmed. So that might be why your friend is stating that. Can't you just explain that your particular church is strict regarding the practicing Catholic part who attends church etc and that you do not feel comfortable lying about how she practices the Catholic Faith? I would hope she would be less hurt by that type of explanation.

[Anonymous]

PP here.

My sister did this with my niece.

I was the godparent. I served all the sacramental roles. Her SIL was officially a "witness" and stood with us for the baptism. She knew that for purposes of the sacrament she was not there as a godparent but as a witness (My sister let her know in advance so there weren't any awkward moments.) On a personal, non sacramental level, she was the second "godparent". She understood the difference in her role in the sacrament (witness) but felt included and considered as a godparent, even though for technicwl church purposes she was not.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Didn't even know about the "witness" option!!! Some Catholic I am!! I am gonna read up on it and present it as an option. THANK YOU!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that your friend is hurting. But she is WAY out of line to be telling you that she feels slighted/you should have chosen her/all that matters is being a good person, whatever. It's like interfering in someone's wedding. Not matter how good of a friend, she is being rude and presumptuous. She is making this all about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that your friend is hurting. But she is WAY out of line to be telling you that she feels slighted/you should have chosen her/all that matters is being a good person, whatever. It's like interfering in someone's wedding. Not matter how good of a friend, she is being rude and presumptuous. She is making this all about her.

This

[Anonymous]

A god parent is a specific religious role. You need explain the role and responsibilities of a god parent to her. Does she really want to be responsible for your child's catholic development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A god parent is a specific religious role. You need explain the role and responsibilities of a god parent to her. Does she really want to be responsible for your child's catholic development?

This. Its not a best friend award. This isn't like maid of honor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A god parent is a specific religious role. You need explain the role and responsibilities of a god parent to her. Does she really want to be responsible for your child's catholic development?

This. Its not a best friend award. This isn't like maid of honor.

We had non Catholic good friends as the other set of Godparents (so one couple was Catholic- the other wasn't). It really unified them to our kids/family.. so perhaps in the traditional sense they don't help with the Catholic development they do help being part of our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

Have you explained it simply was not an option because of the church rules. Tell her that you understand why she feels that way, but it is noypt you making the decision, it is the church. Are you willing to ask her to be an unofficial godparent, saying that you really want her to play an important role in your children's lives?

[Anonymous]

Church rules doesn't require both Godparents to be Catholic. Sadly you missed the memo. We had two Godmothers- both Catholic because that is what we wanted. One has to be a "Christian Witness" which was completely fine to them and my child has no idea which one that is because they are both her Godmothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

I feel you. We are catholic and we had the delicate task of picking 4 catholic couples as godparents. For us, we didn't want to name any relatives so we looked to friends, which of course left some hurt feelings among our close non catholic friends. The best you can do is explain that the godparents need to be catholic, that this is an actual church sacrament. Also in our family we have "courtesy" aunt and uncles. Maybe assure her that you love her and want her to be a part of your DCs life. That she will always be an "aunt".