Best friend hurt over god parent choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really understand the big deal about godparents...]Can someone explain.

It's really not that much.

http://www.mannersmentor.com/mom-manners-and-kids-too/the-roles-of-godparents-make-up-in-public

"You will be at the baby’s christening and perhaps take part in the ceremony. Most importantly, you serve as a mentor and take the symbolic place of his or her parent of the same gender should either one of them pass away. (Not that the child will necessarily come to live with you, a godparent is different from a legal guardian named in a will.)

If there should be a death you would step in and create experiences the missing parent would have wanted their son or daughter to have."

What is being described is separate from the godparent role. It may end up being the same person but the godparent role is more about helping the child have a strong spiritual life. It is not the same as guardianship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

Your friend doesn't realize that it's the importance of the institution of the church,not the importance of human friendship, that is the issue here. By choosing to raise your children within the church, you have implicitly decided that the rules of the church are more important than a human friendship. Some non-Catholics may have difficulty understanding this, but friendships come and go, and the church has lasted over 2,000 years.

As a parent, you have a right to make decisions about what's best for your child and as a Catholic in good standing, you have an obligation to follow the rules of the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

I feel you. We are catholic and we had the delicate task of picking 4 catholic couples as godparents. For us, we didn't want to name any relatives so we looked to friends, which of course left some hurt feelings among our close non catholic friends. The best you can do is explain that the godparents need to be catholic, that this is an actual church sacrament. Also in our family we have "courtesy" aunt and uncles. Maybe assure her that you love her and [b]want her to be a part of your DCs life. That she will always be an "aunt"[].

She is second class only in the eyes of the catholic church, not to you and not to your children or anyone else. people who are not Catholic have a hard time understanding that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Church rules doesn't require both Godparents to be Catholic. Sadly you missed the memo. We had two Godmothers- both Catholic because that is what we wanted. One has to be a "Christian Witness" which was completely fine to them and my child has no idea which one that is because they are both her Godmothers.

OP please check with your parish on the exact rules. I work in our parish office. In the Arlington Diocese you can not have 2 Godmothers. You must have one Godmother and one Godfather. One must be a Catholic in good standing with paperwork to prove it and the other can be a Christian Witness. A person Baptized as Catholic that has now converted to another Christian religion can not be a Christian witness because in the eyes of the church they are a Catholic in poor standing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Church rules doesn't require both Godparents to be Catholic. Sadly you missed the memo. We had two Godmothers- both Catholic because that is what we wanted. One has to be a "Christian Witness" which was completely fine to them and my child has no idea which one that is because they are both her Godmothers.

OP please check with your parish on the exact rules. I work in our parish office. In the Arlington Diocese you can not have 2 Godmothers. You must have one Godmother and one Godfather. One must be a Catholic in good standing with paperwork to prove it and the other can be a Christian Witness. A person Baptized as Catholic that has now converted to another Christian religion can not be a Christian witness because in the eyes of the church they are a Catholic in poor standing.

Poor standing in the eyes of the Catholic church has nothing to do with whether someone is a good person or not, but is paramount when selecting a godparent. So is gender. One of each is needed and both have to be heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough. Can you tell her that you personally may agree with her but that your church doesn't, and so you have to abide by what the church says but it's not a reflection on her?

Why should OP say she agrees? I think this is a very valid point made by the Catholic church, but if BFF isn't Catholic she may not get that. In other words, it's more than just an honor position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background: DH and I are Catholic. We are raising kids Catholic... First DC I picked my sibling and their spouse and for my now second child I picked a close cousin and their spouse. My best friend is crushed because she felt that we were very close and she was hoping for me to ask her to be Godparent. We are very close and she was their for both childrens births and all milestones and I love her and her children like my own. However, she isn't catholic and at our particular church that isn't "overlooked" like she assumes. She straight up told me "being a good person who lives christian values is all that matters"...how do I explain to her that that isn't really the case? I don't want hurt her more than she is already hurting, or make it seem like my religion is superior but I think she is overlooking the core issue.

Your friend doesn't realize that it's the importance of the institution of the church,not the importance of human friendship, that is the issue here. By choosing to raise your children within the church, you have implicitly decided that the rules of the church are more important than a human friendship. Some non-Catholics may have difficulty understanding this, but friendships come and go, and the church has lasted over 2,000 years.

As a parent, you have a right to make decisions about what's best for your child and as a Catholic in good standing, you have an obligation to follow the rules of the church.

As well they should be. And the best friend needs to grow up and get over that.