Has your MIL said awful things to you?

[Anonymous]

If so, do you think it is because awful things were said to her?

How do you react?

[Anonymous]

Depends what you mean by awful. At some level of awful I suppose you need to stop associating with her.

In my case I would just call it rude, socially awkward, insensitive, clueless. It's just who she is. I don't think she means for any of it to sound as awful as it does, I think she's just selfish and awkward and out of touch. Sometimes I smile and nod, sometimes I push back. Often DH will approach her if necessary.

Control your own reaction to some extent - you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Keep your distance when you can.

[Anonymous]

Probably, but she doesn't speak English, and I don't speak her language well enough to pay attention when she's being rude. It's the best in-law relationship ever!

[Anonymous]

My MIL is super passive aggressive. Full of back-handed compliments : "your hair looks so much prettier now with those highlights/really covers the grays" or "cute necklace. Did you make that?"

Also makes broad pronouncements that are slyly directed to me; "Randominlaw is so ambitious! How she managed a home, three children, works full time and obtained her nursing degree is just amazing. She's so smart and energetic!" (Unlike you, Dummy SAHM)

My MIL never did have her own MIL (died years before she met DH) so she never had to navigate or experience this relationship, my DH was very much her golden child firstborn and MIL lives in a very small world. All that, plus she's not very smart.
I just save up the gems and post anonymously on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Yes! She throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way about certain things. She's one of those people who thinks that she can command love and adoration from her children, without actually giving out much love or adoration herself. She's prickly and mean and judgmental.

And she did not get along with her MIL. I so hope I can break the cycle, particularly if I ever have a son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends what you mean by awful. At some level of awful I suppose you need to stop associating with her.

In my case I would just call it rude, socially awkward, insensitive, clueless. It's just who she is. I don't think she means for any of it to sound as awful as it does, I think she's just selfish and awkward and out of touch. Sometimes I smile and nod, sometimes I push back. Often DH will approach her if necessary.

Control your own reaction to some extent - you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Keep your distance when you can.

Did I write this? This is my MIL too. But of course, she also gets upset because she senses I'm keeping my distance, and she doesn't like that either. I'd rather have her upset because I'm distant, than have to deal with her as a "close" relative. She is someone who has stopped speaking to almost everyone she was once close too, so that's how her "close" relationships normally end.

[Anonymous]

When I finally kicked her son out, she told me it was my fault he serially cheated on me.

[Anonymous]

Never. My mother has said awful things to me, and continues to do so. I try to not let it get to me because I realize she will never change, but that is VERY HARD to do. I have come very close to cutting her off entirely.

[Anonymous]

On fb she posted, "She makes me miss Larla!" Larla being my partners ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Never. My mother has said awful things to me, and continues to do so. I try to not let it get to me because I realize she will never change, but that is VERY HARD to do. I have come very close to cutting her off entirely.

Same.

[Anonymous]

No never. My MIL has always been super nice and a comfort to me like when I had a miscarriage, etc. a lot better than my own mother.

[Anonymous]

Nothing awful. Plenty of opinionated stuff that mildly grates on me, but I know she's making an effort to hold back on over doing it, and I give her the benefit of the doubt when something is somewhat insulting.

She's more manipulative of DH, which bugs me more than anything she says to me.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is too cowardly to say things to me directly, but she has said very nasty things about me. She is jealous of me because I am thinner, smarter, and richer than she is. She is also jealous of my relationship with DH because she was the #1 woman in his life before me.

[Anonymous]

Mine is just...there...says nothing particularly complimentary nor derogatory. We get along fine, but we only see her a couple of times a year. It does not appear that she has strong opinions on anything, so its easy to stay polite.

[Anonymous]

Mine does. During lunch when our families met for first time after engagement she told the story to my mom about how said she was when DH broke up with an ex. She cried for days and misses her. Let's just say things progressed from there. After a few years I realized that it's it like she hates me she just doesn't want to like me. That's her position so I just deal with it the best I can. I usually ignore but every once in awhile she goes too far. Sad thing for her is all the things i wanted out of this - visits with my kids, U.S. Visiting her, joint vacations - won't ever happen for her.