Has your MIL said awful things to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On fb she posted, "She makes me miss Larla!" Larla being my partners ex.

Wow! So sorry that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with this as of late.

My MIL is very passive aggressive, a lot has to do with child, my first, and her only, grand. She speaks about my choices out loud to him (it's time for you to stop nursing young man!) in a joking manner, but which is very clearly said for my benefit and so that she I will know she disapproves of my choice, what I am doing, etc. Most of it has to do with food and/or how I care for him. It is never that outrageous, but subtle digs that drive me crazy. I am a first time mom who has had a tough relationship with both my mom (mental illness) and stepmom (jealousy), so the last thing I need is another unhealthy mother-type relationship.

I'm 40, why does this get to me so? What's a good way to address without going over the top? I realize it likely comes from her own insecurity about her choices, but I don't think it's kind or fair of her to instigate and be so indirect, while clearly getting in her disapproval.

Be passive aggressive right back. It is the only language such people understand.

. Immature and will only make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is too cowardly to say things to me directly, but she has said very nasty things about me. She is jealous of me because I am thinner, smarter, and richer than she is. She is also jealous of my relationship with DH because she was the #1 woman in his life before me.

.

Read what you wrote. Maybe she just can't stand you because you are a pompous bitch.

I knew some asshole would pop up with a negative reaction to this. No, what I wrote is not the reason for her attitude towards me. I bent over backwards to be close to her and it is because I have forgiven her over and over and overlooked slights that we have any relationship at all. But I am no fool and neither are those around me. People have told me that I intimidate her and I have also seen the cattiness with which she treats any woman who she feels is better than her in any way. I am tall, naturally thin, and accomplished, and she has actually said to me that it is unfair that I am "winning" at life.

. Well, if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, quacks like a duck...er, bitch...

Yes, indeed, you are a bitch. I am glad you can see this.

Oh, how nice. There are at least two of us here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Did I write this? This is my MIL too. But of course, she also gets upset because she senses I'm keeping my distance, and she doesn't like that either. I'd rather have her upset because I'm distant, than have to deal with her as a "close" relative. She is someone who has stopped speaking to almost everyone she was once close too, so that's how her "close" relationships normally end.

This is actually how most of my ILs are. They thrive on drama and many of the women who marry into the family have joined it. I am always civil/polite to them and fulfill my familial reponsibilities but I keep my distance emotionally. They're too chicken shit to say anything to me directly and I don't care what they say to each other. [/b]DH supports me so I put up with it all.

[b]bifvthey did say anything, you would accuse them of being hostile and aggressive...

It depends on how they say it - they may not be hostile/agressive but whether they say behind my back or to my face, they're definitely drama queens.

[Anonymous]

Mine has never said anything awful, but she's a huge snob and I get the impression that she's always looking down on me. I remember telling her that we were planning to have a DJ (as opposed to a band) at our wedding, and she laughed and looked at me like I told her I was planning to feed our guests out of a trough.

[Anonymous]

I am sure she says awful things about me, but she never says them to me. I had it out with her over a holiday meal many years ago. I am sure she has many problems with me. I have none with her.

[Anonymous]

No, thankfully I have a wonderful MIL who I am actually closer to than my mother, she is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Struggling with this as of late.

My MIL is very passive aggressive, a lot has to do with child, my first, and her only, grand. She speaks about my choices out loud to him (it's time for you to stop nursing young man!) in a joking manner, but which is very clearly said for my benefit and so that she I will know she disapproves of my choice, what I am doing, etc. Most of it has to do with food and/or how I care for him. It is never that outrageous, but subtle digs that drive me crazy. I am a first time mom who has had a tough relationship with both my mom (mental illness) and stepmom (jealousy), so the last thing I need is another unhealthy mother-type relationship.

I'm 40, why does this get to me so? What's a good way to address without going over the top? I realize it likely comes from her own insecurity about her choices, but I don't think it's kind or fair of her to instigate and be so indirect, while clearly getting in her disapproval.

Be passive aggressive right back. It is the only language such people understand.

I disagree. He direct but polite. Passive aggressiveness is for people, I meean women, without any power. Even if you don't know how to respond to a rude comment simply say, "that was rude. Please don't say rude things to me.". OR ask her why she said what she just said. As in, what are you accomplishing by saying that?

[Anonymous]

My mother in law thinks she is offering compliments, but has no idea how bad they really sound. I *KNOW* she doesn't have a mean bone in her body - so I usually just let it go (it isn't worth creating drama over). There have been a few gems over the years. The situation can get aggravated a little - because she tells me these things EVERY time she sees me- I think she truly forgets that she has told me before (this is the same with most of her stories- we hear them over and over and over again).

The most annoying ones:
I keep telling ALL of my friends I hope the baby has your hair and your husbands brains (I hear that ALL 9 months of my pregnancy) I know she loves my hair - and had NO idea how insulting that sounded

OR
Every time she comes over to my house - I don't make a lot of processed foods - we do lots of veggies meats etc - so I would hear- you know what you need to do? YOu need to simply your life. Every visit. For almost 5 years. Then what time she said you know what you need to do? I looked at her and said, Simply my life? Never heard it again.

My MIL is kind of awkward - I am now catching her saying similar stuff to my son - he is 2 and didn't want her to read a nighttime story to him- so when I look at him and said say goodnight and tell her you love her and he said night and lub you....she commented well.. you don't love me enough....
I was shocked - and asked my husband to keep an eye on stuff like that in the future so we can nip it in the bud.

SO- I guess my point is, her awkward interactions aren't just limited to me, so I don't take it personally. She really is a good person and will go out of her way to be helpful. It is just sometimes awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is too cowardly to say things to me directly, but she has said very nasty things about me. She is jealous of me because I am thinner, smarter, and richer than she is. She is also jealous of my relationship with DH because she was the #1 woman in his life before me.

.

Read what you wrote. Maybe she just can't stand you because you are a pompous bitch.

I knew some asshole would pop up with a negative reaction to this. No, what I wrote is not the reason for her attitude towards me. I bent over backwards to be close to her and it is because I have forgiven her over and over and overlooked slights that we have any relationship at all. But I am no fool and neither are those around me. People have told me that I intimidate her and I have also seen the cattiness with which she treats any woman who she feels is better than her in any way. I am tall, naturally thin, and accomplished, and she has actually said to me that it is unfair that I am "winning" at life.

. Well, if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, quacks like a duck...er, bitch...

Yes, indeed, you are a bitch. I am glad you can see this.

Oh, how nice. There are at least two of us here.

Oh, I actually couldn't tell that there was more than one person posting from your computer. I guess it makes sense that you are both bitches. Birds of a feather and all.

[Anonymous]

I married her favorite child when I was 22 and he was 23. Right away the emotional abuse from her started. She lived 20 minutes away and as a young bride I just put up with it. I was very shy and mousy and she took advantage of that. I never stood up to her and neither did my husband. We nearly divorced over her but instead just stopped interacting with her. I didn't see her for 7 years even though she lived locally. When we wanted to start a family, I convinced DH to get a job 2500 miles away. My younger DC - 9 years old has yet to meet her. 13 year old DC meet her when DC was 2 years old. I haven't see her in 17 years.
She is in declining health.... I feel sorry for DH as he has had no relationship with his mother - the grandmother of his children.
I had such high hopes before we got married to have a reasonable extended family....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married her favorite child when I was 22 and he was 23. Right away the emotional abuse from her started. She lived 20 minutes away and as a young bride I just put up with it. I was very shy and mousy and she took advantage of that. I never stood up to her and neither did my husband. We nearly divorced over her but instead just stopped interacting with her. I didn't see her for 7 years even though she lived locally. When we wanted to start a family, I convinced DH to get a job 2500 miles away. My younger DC - 9 years old has yet to meet her. 13 year old DC meet her when DC was 2 years old. I haven't see her in 17 years.
She is in declining health.... I feel sorry for DH as he has had no relationship with his mother - the grandmother of his children.
I had such high hopes before we got married to have a reasonable extended family....

^^ PP - I don't thin we would have stayed married if we didn't move away. This summer we'll celebrate 21 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On fb she posted, "She makes me miss Larla!" Larla being my partners ex.

Wow! So sorry that happened to you.

Needless to say, I am no longer overly friendly. Just the basics until I get an apology. It's been about a year since the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is too cowardly to say things to me directly, but she has said very nasty things about me. She is jealous of me because I am thinner, smarter, and richer than she is. She is also jealous of my relationship with DH because she was the #1 woman in his life before me.

You sound awful.

Your last sentence is probably a little bit true for most MILs. I expect to feel that way if my son marries.

The rest speaks more about your character than hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is too cowardly to say things to me directly, but she has said very nasty things about me. She is jealous of me because I am thinner, smarter, and richer than she is. She is also jealous of my relationship with DH because she was the #1 woman in his life before me.

You sound awful.

Your last sentence is probably a little bit true for most MILs. I expect to feel that way if my son marries.

The rest speaks more about your character than hers.

Spoken like a fatter, dumber, broker mother who will make a shitty MIL.