Any servers/former servers want to help me out with some etiquette?
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Anonymous
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So my In laws are horrible tippers.
They are in their 70's, insist on taking us out to eat a few times a year (not local), insist on picking up the tab (picture DH reaching for it, trying to pay a portion), and then tipping 5-10% without any complaint on the service. I only know about the poor tipping because I have overheard the conversation about how much to tip between MIL and FIL, and done the math in my head on what I figure the bill is. There is no point in attempting to change them, I am not going to make a scene and demand to see the bill. They know what they are doing, they are both somewhat educated professionals, and they know better. They are just cheap. I just want to know how to handle it with the server and make it right. What usually happens is I frantically tell DH what is happening without letting his parents know and we hatch a plan to run to the ATM, figure out who has cash, and then try to distract his parents while running after the server with more tip money. I usually apologize and say something with a smile like "in laws! I'm so sorry, you did a good job" and hand the money over. Should I do this differently? A couple times we didn't have the money and had to go to an Atm and then back (it was $7 on a 6 person brunch for $75 and k was beyond mortified). Does it really matter to the server what the reason is? |
Anonymous
| If it were me, I would probably just make sure to get cash before I hang out with my inlaws, and then place some cash on the table right as we walk out the door. I don't think you owe the server any explanation. |
Anonymous
| I had friends who tipped like that when we were out in a group. I walked out with everyone, then said I was going to go to the ladies room real quick and just went back and added a $20 to the table. |
Anonymous
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What you're doing or cash on
The table is fine. And thanks! |
Anonymous
| yeah, get cash ahead of time and use the restroom on your way out to take care of it. |
Anonymous
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OP here
If I dont have cash (last 2 times we were planning dinner at home after some activity and they insisted on taking us out), do I tell the server I'm coming back with cash and explain the situation? I guess I'm thinking this poor server is going to be upset and think they did a bad job while I'm running to the ATM |
Anonymous
| Why can't DH speak up to his parents? A lot of older people think 15% is a good tip. |
Anonymous
no, just prepare ahead of time. get cash and put it away for this purpose when you know the IL's will be there. |
Anonymous
Just always have cash. |
Anonymous
| Stick an "emergency $20" in your wallet or car. |
Anonymous
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Servers know when they're bad or good. They probably just figure your il's are shitty tippers. It happens.
Id definitely accept a tip later in the night or the next day! |
Anonymous
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Former Server: I generally expected a smaller tip from older generations. If it was bigger, I was pleasantly surprised.
Don't feel you need to go above and beyond, we see who's paying. But if it's important to you adding a couple dollars to the table as you're walking away or handing it to the server directly is fine. I deal with the same thing when my Dad gets the bill, I usually come prepared with a $5 and a couple singles. Funny story: my younger brother (early 30's) had been dating a new girl for a bit, and we all went out with my parents unexpectedly. When we finished, my Dad grabbed the bill and maybe left barely a fifteen percent tip. The three of us scrambled and she was the only one with cash and put down almost $20. They're still together and it turned around an initially poor impression of her, by how she handled the situation. |
Anonymous
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I would try to always bring cash, but if I forgot to, I honestly don't think I'd go to an ATM and return just to provide make-up cash. This problem is not yours to fix.
If your specific fear is that the server will spend all day wondering what he or she did wrong, I highly doubt it. A more typical reaction when a server sees a shitty tip is to say "well, that person's an asshole" and then get back to work or grumble to the buser about it. |
Anonymous
| tipping is stupid |
Anonymous
+1. I would like to get past tipping. |