Now what?

[Anonymous]

Opinions needed. I'm at my wits end with MIL and DH's "it's no big deal" attitude. I have no interest in fighting with my husband about his mother, I will spare you all the issues I have with her however, I'm at my breaking point and could use some insight. To make a long story short she has once again booked travel to DC without first checking availability. in fact she hasn't even mentioned her travel plans I heard it from my SIL. I don't even know how to deal with this my blood just starts to boil whenever I think about it. What would you do? I have two children in PreK and 2nd grade. I work part time from home but have other obligations with my time. Am I being insensitive or is she being passive aggressive?

[Anonymous]

OMG, that is so totally unacceptable! Can you guys manage to be out of town when she comes? Or, if nothing else, you could go out of town and leave your husband to deal with her.

[Anonymous]

Once she tells you about her plans, just say that the timing isn't great, you can't take any time off work and that there's a lot going on. If she insists on coming, tell her that she might be stuck at the house or left to her own devices most of the time due to everyone's schedule. And don't accommodate her when she comes. Go about your regular schedule. Or let DH deal with it. If she's unhappy, oh well. Maybe next time she'll think twice about booking a trip without checking with you guys first.

[Anonymous]

"I'm so sorry! We are all booked up that week and will barely be home. I wish you had checked with us first! We will look forward to seeing you on your next visit though!"

Do not waver. This is key.
I agree with PP- "Maybe next time she'll think twice about booking a trip without checking with you guys first."

[Anonymous]

I am 20:47, and I also like 20:28's solution.

[Anonymous]

Is she staying with you? If not, just go about your business. If she's staying with you, that is just beyond rude. Get yourself to be busier! Kids too!

[Anonymous]

OP here, I can't say we we won't be home and if I do this will cause a huge fight with DH. I'm not willing to let this women become a source of contention between my husband and I. I'm thinking of making her take a blue shuttle and leaving her at the house all day. Is this mean?

[Anonymous]

His mother, his problem. You should not make any changes to you schedule. She can do whatever she wants as long as it does not involve you or take the kids away from their scheduled events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I can't say we we won't be home and if I do this will cause a huge fight with DH. I'm not willing to let this women become a source of contention between my husband and I. I'm thinking of making her take a blue shuttle and leaving her at the house all day. Is this mean?

I'm 20:47 and 48, and NO. She planned to stay with you without checking with you! This would NOT fly in my house, under any circumstances. She would not be staying in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I can't say we we won't be home and if I do this will cause a huge fight with DH. I'm not willing to let this women become a source of contention between my husband and I. I'm thinking of making her take a blue shuttle and leaving her at the house all day. Is this mean?

The source of contention wouldn't be his mother, it would be his unwillingness to respect your needs. It's up to you whether that's a battle you want to fight, but it would be for me.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not acceptable for her to expect to stay with you without asking first.

Why doesn't your husband entertain her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I can't say we we won't be home and if I do this will cause a huge fight with DH. I'm not willing to let this women become a source of contention between my husband and I. I'm thinking of making her take a blue shuttle and leaving her at the house all day. Is this mean?

The source of contention wouldn't be his mother, it would be his unwillingness to respect your needs. It's up to you whether that's a battle you want to fight, but it would be for me.

+1. Sometimes having a huge fight is better for the marriage in the long run. And I don't see why leaving her at the house all day wouldn't cause a huge fight with DH anyway.

This is his problem. Don't deal with it for him.

[Anonymous]

What a untenable situation. Whatever you do, you will lose and become the "bad guy" so just go about your business as usual. Your DH and his mother obviously have issues with boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His mother, his problem. You should not make any changes to you schedule. She can do whatever she wants as long as it does not involve you or take the kids away from their scheduled events.

+1. Let her sit in your house. Do not cook nice meals. Maybe you'll discover that she doesn't actually mind.

I don't really understand why you aren't willing to stand up for yourself to your husband. If you can't say anything for fear of "contention", I guess you're resigned to being a doormat for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I can't say we we won't be home and if I do this will cause a huge fight with DH. I'm not willing to let this women become a source of contention between my husband and I. I'm thinking of making her take a blue shuttle and leaving her at the house all day. Is this mean?

The source of contention wouldn't be his mother, it would be his unwillingness to respect your needs. It's up to you whether that's a battle you want to fight, but it would be for me.

OP here. Couldn't agree more. I've expressed this point when he says stupid things like, "why do you hate my mother?" She however is not without blame. I am so frustrated by the whole situation, DH not respecting my position that I should be consulted before someone deceits they are going to stay with us, the fact that to him it's just s mom and that women who has offended me in so many ways I'd love to just tell her how I felt about her. However, I have to play this game her way and I'm looking for suggestions.