Talk me through online dating

[Anonymous]

I am a 29yo virgin (not the OP of the wasted youth thread, but I can identify). I work with kids and won't meet anyone through work. Done the church thing but no prospects ATM, and meetups are a bust because all the stuff I am interested in is girly. I have done OLD before with literally no dates on sites like eharmony where everyone is trying to get married or whatever. I recently joined something a little more "casual"-oriented and have a few dates lined up, but the reality is that while I am not trying to get married like tomorrow, I am also not plannin to hookup with anyone. Aside from dropping hints about "taking things slow," is there anything I can/should do to be clear? Part of it is that I am heavier (size 16), so part of me has always assumed that guys would maybe be interested because I am fat and (they assume) desperate. I am not looking to get physical without knowing someone really well.

[Anonymous]

Just because you aren't looking to get married tomorrow doesn't mean you won't have luck on eharmony or the more serious websites. Just say you're looking for a long term relationship...if it leads to more then great...if not, you were clear with your intentions and nobody can take fault with you. I really would steer clear of sites like tinder bc people are just looking for hookups,which isn't what you are looking for.

I was on eharmony and WAS looking to get married and still had to go on multiple dates with people until I found someone I really liked. And then it went just like a regular relationship...dated for a while etc.

[Anonymous]

I did eharmony for a year and literally zero dates resulted. It did not work, and at this point I haven't been on a single date in 3 years. I figure even a shitty date would be good for practice. I'm on "Plenty of Fish," which seems a little less hookup-oriented than Tinder, and I am only responding to people who listed themselves as looking for something serious.

[Anonymous]

I would try OK Cupid before POF.

[Anonymous]

I'm not objecting to going on a bunb of dates, just aort of trying to figure out how to handle dating a bunch of relative strangers after having had very little experience overal and zero experience for several years. I am hoping that even if someone isn't a good fit, going out with enough guys will eventually help me to see myself as dateable, which at this point I really don't feel.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine does well on OKCupid. She's new to the city and presents herself as such. She's met a lot of new friends this way, which I don't see as a failure.

She met her girlfriend through Tinder.

[Anonymous]

OP, what about the Sierra Club or something else that attracts both sexes?

[Anonymous]

I've never heard of Sierra Club. I'll look into it.

[Anonymous]

There are BBW dating sites. Good luck. I'm getting married to someone tomorrow who I met on a dating site a little over a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are BBW dating sites. Good luck. I'm getting married to someone tomorrow who I met on a dating site a little over a year ago.

Congrats! I am in the in-between category where I am not really large enough to be someone's fetish, but not skinny enough to be conventionally attractive.

[Anonymous]

When I was doing online dating (5+ years ago now, but I did it for well over 6 years) I found I needed eHarmony for quality, and Match for quantity. You do need a certain number of dates just to keep it interesting, see what's out there, keep your hopes up. eHarmony was just a little slow.

But - my dates from eHarmony were much more promising guys. Less likely to want to hop in the sack. I ended up meeting my husband on eHarmony.

I am plus-sized, and while I do think it reduced the overall amount of interest you get, I didn't find a lack of interest in general. I was sure to post very accurate, even slightly unflattering pictures of myself. I wanted to make sure they were pleasantly surprised when meeting me in person, not taken aback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was doing online dating (5+ years ago now, but I did it for well over 6 years) I found I needed eHarmony for quality, and Match for quantity. You do need a certain number of dates just to keep it interesting, see what's out there, keep your hopes up. eHarmony was just a little slow.

But - my dates from eHarmony were much more promising guys. Less likely to want to hop in the sack. I ended up meeting my husband on eHarmony.

I am plus-sized, and while I do think it reduced the overall amount of interest you get, I didn't find a lack of interest in general. I was sure to post very accurate, even slightly unflattering pictures of myself. I wanted to make sure they were pleasantly surprised when meeting me in person, not taken aback.

Thanks. Maybe I need to do Match and OKCupid simultaneously.

[Anonymous]

Why are you a virgin if you don't want to be married?

[Anonymous]

I haven't tried it, but I got some good recs for Coffee Meets Bagel.

[Anonymous]

Here is how you do it. On most dating sites, you can list your religion. Mark that. That will automatically screen out most of the guys who are just looking for action. To further screen them, write something in your profile about how you are religious and looking for the same, etc. Guys know to read that as no action until marriage.

Also, on OKCupid, answer all the sex questions that ask about how soon you will have sex, etc. Guys will see that and bam, won't contact you. Also, I know women liked to be pursued, but you might want to contact the guys yourself because you can control the kinds of guys you will come into contact with based on what their profile says.