Mother's Day, passive aggressive edition

[Anonymous]

I wanted to send my mom tickets to a local show for Mother's Day. The tickets are emailed as soon as you buy, though, and the show's not until August. So, I waited until Friday to buy them (close to Mother's Day), and also to double check that mom would be available that evening to go to the show. I called and texted all weekend. However, mom decided to not answer anything (phone, email, text) all weekend because, well, I'm not sure. I'm living abroad, and my sister, who lives near mom, said the only thing she heard from mom was that she just "didn't want to talk to anyone." I know she's mad because my dad has a regular event out of town on mother's day each year. But now I'm getting passive aggressive messages from dad, "suggesting" that I get my act together and mail her a present for Mother's Day! I'm so over it.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell him what you just wrote?

[Anonymous]

I haven't responded. I was so pissed. What would you do? I half want to just send the stupid tickets and to hell with it if she can't go.

[Anonymous]

My mother is the queen of being passive aggressive and I can't stand when my dad tries to get involved because he only hears her side of the story (he never asks me about it and I don't vent to him about her) and she always victimizes herself. Ugh.

I would consider sending the tickets with an email saying "I tried getting a hold of you before I sent this gift to confirm would be able available for the date of the event. Hope you have a wonderful time at the event. Happy Mother's Day!" Something so she can't turn it around back on me that I didn't send a gift on time or only sent it because my Dad said something, etc.
I would really want to just not send anything after that charade and say its her own damn fault for acting like such a baby about the weekend but I would feel like that is something my mom would do and I don't want to be like her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is the queen of being passive aggressive and I can't stand when my dad tries to get involved because he only hears her side of the story (he never asks me about it and I don't vent to him about her) and she always victimizes herself. Ugh.

I would consider sending the tickets with an email saying "I tried getting a hold of you before I sent this gift to confirm would be able available for the date of the event. Hope you have a wonderful time at the event. Happy Mother's Day!" Something so she can't turn it around back on me that I didn't send a gift on time or only sent it because my Dad said something, etc.
I would really want to just not send anything after that charade and say its her own damn fault for acting like such a baby about the weekend but I would feel like that is something my mom would do and I don't want to be like her!

+1. Do your part, OP and then step away from the drama.

I hate when my FIL steps in for MIL because she's licking her passive-aggressive wounds about something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is the queen of being passive aggressive and I can't stand when my dad tries to get involved because he only hears her side of the story (he never asks me about it and I don't vent to him about her) and she always victimizes herself. Ugh.

I would consider sending the tickets with an email saying "I tried getting a hold of you before I sent this gift to confirm would be able available for the date of the event. Hope you have a wonderful time at the event. Happy Mother's Day!" Something so she can't turn it around back on me that I didn't send a gift on time or only sent it because my Dad said something, etc.
I would really want to just not send anything after that charade and say its her own damn fault for acting like such a baby about the weekend but I would feel like that is something my mom would do and I don't want to be like her!

+1. Do your part, OP and then step away from the drama.

I hate when my FIL steps in for MIL because she's licking her passive-aggressive wounds about something.

+2

I'm lucky that my family isn't passive aggressive, but my in-laws are, and this is how I'd handle it. Just be cheerfully direct and ignore any passive aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is the queen of being passive aggressive and I can't stand when my dad tries to get involved because he only hears her side of the story (he never asks me about it and I don't vent to him about her) and she always victimizes herself. Ugh.

I would consider sending the tickets with an email saying "I tried getting a hold of you before I sent this gift to confirm would be able available for the date of the event. Hope you have a wonderful time at the event. Happy Mother's Day!" Something so she can't turn it around back on me that I didn't send a gift on time or only sent it because my Dad said something, etc.
I would really want to just not send anything after that charade and say its her own damn fault for acting like such a baby about the weekend but I would feel like that is something my mom would do and I don't want to be like her!

THANK YOU PPs! This is perfect! I will come back to you for all my passive-aggressive-coping needs.

[Anonymous]

I would tell dad exactly what you write her. Im too cheap to waste money on a gift that won't be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to send my mom tickets to a local show for Mother's Day. The tickets are emailed as soon as you buy, though, and the show's not until August. So, I waited until Friday to buy them (close to Mother's Day), and also to double check that mom would be available that evening to go to the show. I called and texted all weekend. However, mom decided to not answer anything (phone, email, text) all weekend because, well, I'm not sure. I'm living abroad, and my sister, who lives near mom, said the only thing she heard from mom was that she just "didn't want to talk to anyone." I know she's mad because my dad has a regular event out of town on mother's day each year. But now I'm getting passive aggressive messages from dad, "suggesting" that I get my act together and mail her a present for Mother's Day! I'm so over it.

Soo...your mom did not any communications this weekend, stating that she does not want to talk to someone. Your dad called you and told you that he thinks you should send her a present. (You seem to take issue with him suggesting it, but would it have been acceptable for him to direct you to do it?)

You, assume your mom is mad at your dad. You wait until the last possible second to buy her a gift. What were you going to do if she wasn't available? And why couldn't you have the tickets emailed to yourself and just send her the confirmation as a gift, as is common practice?

I don't see the passive aggression in this scenario.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/468800.page#6897578

[Anonymous]

This is why I send flowers and a card to arrive before Mother's Day.