Annoying mothers day dynamic in my family

[Anonymous]

I will probably get flamed for this but I need to vent. I have four siblings. One is local. I am the only mother. Yet none of them EVER do ANYTHING for my mom for mothers day. She wants to be feted and time spent with her and she deserves it but I feel like I get stuck with the responsibility of it every year (I also have a local MIL who likes to visit with our family on mothers day as well-DH has two local siblings who aren't mothers who don't do anything for HER either). It bugs. And if we didn't do these things, our mothers would be disappointed with us but they are never disappointed with our local and non local siblings who do nothing. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Are you both the oldest siblings? I have observed that younger siblings get a pass from parents for all kinds of behavior that is expected from older siblings.

[Anonymous]

Have you invited your local families to a Mothers Day (bbq, brunch, lunch, cake and punch) and they say no?

Sounds like they don't initiate anything.

May be too late this year, but next year simply send out an email so everyone can see who was invited to an event that you organize (for the first year) and if/when no one comes then it will be plain for your mother to see. Or maybe siblings will buck up. Include a time for out of Towners to Skype in.

Then the next year, send out another email asking who is organizing this year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you invited your local families to a Mothers Day (bbq, brunch, lunch, cake and punch) and they say no?

Sounds like they don't initiate anything.

May be too late this year, but next year simply send out an email so everyone can see who was invited to an event that you organize (for the first year) and if/when no one comes then it will be plain for your mother to see. Or maybe siblings will buck up. Include a time for out of Towners to Skype in.

Then the next year, send out another email asking who is organizing this year

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but having people over is so much work when you have little kids and no cleaning help. Cleaning, getting the house ready, getting food, cooking the food, cleaning up after the party...Kind of a drag on mothers day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but having people over is so much work when you have little kids and no cleaning help. Cleaning, getting the house ready, getting food, cooking the food, cleaning up after the party...Kind of a drag on mothers day.

Restaurant

[Anonymous]

So fete your mother and mother in law and yourself, all three of you, at a restaurant. And don't invite the siblings who never do anything to recognize their mothers.

[Anonymous]

We all meet up at my grandmother's place (she ancient) and spend the day cleaning, doing chores, etc. Doesn't matter if you're a mother or not, you show up at grandma's and pitch in. We get carry out for lunch. I like that tradition because I, personally, don't care much about mother's day, grandma needs the help and there's no much drama when you're working. It sure beats flowers.

[Anonymous]

What is "feted"? So take your mother and MIL out to lunch or dinner together and call it day.

I don't get what the problem is. If you don't want to do that, then don't do it.

Don't be angry with your siblings. It's not like they're making you do something.

I am tired of people who play the martyr. If you don't want to do anything for your mother, then don't do anything.

If you hate having an obligation every year, don't blame your siblings; blame the made-up hallmark holidays.

[Anonymous]

Well, I never get anything special unless I initiated it. That stopped years ago because it was a lot of work.

My son's MIL gets the gifts and a food outing paid for. I get a card that looked scribbled on while driving to mail it so DIL doesn't find out.

I'm used to it but it does hurt a little. I have no expectations. I'm just a piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but having people over is so much work when you have little kids and no cleaning help. Cleaning, getting the house ready, getting food, cooking the food, cleaning up after the party...Kind of a drag on mothers day.

?? Lunch, brunch, dinner can all be done at a restaurant. Or have everyone over at 7 pm for cake and punch and serve a cake you bought and a couple drinks. Or at 2pm. Done

[Anonymous]

I agree with pps. You, DH and the kids take your mom and MIL out to a meal on Mother's Day weekend. We usually do the night before to avoid the crowds. If the other sibs want to do something with/for your mom, that's up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never get anything special unless I initiated it. That stopped years ago because it was a lot of work.

My son's MIL gets the gifts and a food outing paid for. I get a card that looked scribbled on while driving to mail it so DIL doesn't find out.

I'm used to it but it does hurt a little. I have no expectations. I'm just a piece of shit.

No but you raised a piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Are the younger siblings in school or broke? I was broke as a joke through most of my 20s and simply couldn't afford gifts, meals out, even cards etc. It wasn't because I didn't want to, but because I literally couldn't afford extras. Is this the case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the younger siblings in school or broke? I was broke as a joke through most of my 20s and simply couldn't afford gifts, meals out, even cards etc. It wasn't because I didn't want to, but because I literally couldn't afford extras. Is this the case?

Yoy couldn't afford a card? For years? Come on.