Annoying mothers day dynamic in my family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never get anything special unless I initiated it. That stopped years ago because it was a lot of work.

My son's MIL gets the gifts and a food outing paid for. I get a card that looked scribbled on while driving to mail it so DIL doesn't find out.

I'm used to it but it does hurt a little. I have no expectations. I'm just a piece of shit.

I don't know if you're a piece of shit, but you sure do sound like someone with serious self-pity issues.

Is your son generally loving and good to you? If so, Mother's Day is a blip. If not, Mother's Day won't fix it.

[Anonymous]

Take your Mom and your MIL out to a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I get stuck with the responsibility

You have to live your life as if it's only you - as if you don't have siblings. Do the amount you think is right. You don't need to do more - do not try to make up for your other siblings shortcomings. However it's not about what your mother 'wants'. And what your other siblings do/or don't do should never be a topic of conversation between you and your mother. That is her private relationship with others. You should not be drawn in to it. Regarding what you do for your mother - do what is reasonable given your other obligations. You do not have to do any more.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but you sound like my SIL and it touched a nerve with me. She also feels like the only one who ever does anything. She sends those bitchy "who's hosting xyz this year?" emails. She is controlling and annoying. Yes, her sibs would likely do nothing on a number of occasions she deems important, but really, who cares?

So here's the Dr. Phil question, what are you getting out of this? My SIL loves being the perfect one, oh so organized, with so many good ideas and it's such a shame no one else can keep up with her. Ha, ha. She flat out says to anyone who will listen that nothing would ever get done if she didn't plan and organize it. She loves to show people up.

Pps are right that you should invite your mom and MIL out to eat with your family and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I had no idea other people had siblings who don't do jack sh** for their mothers on Mothers Day. Sadly it makes me feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never get anything special unless I initiated it. That stopped years ago because it was a lot of work.

My son's MIL gets the gifts and a food outing paid for. I get a card that looked scribbled on while driving to mail it so DIL doesn't find out.

I'm used to it but it does hurt a little. I have no expectations. I'm just a piece of shit.

No but you raised a piece of shit.

Exactly. This is about your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but you sound like my SIL and it touched a nerve with me. She also feels like the only one who ever does anything. She sends those bitchy "who's hosting xyz this year?" emails. She is controlling and annoying. Yes, her sibs would likely do nothing on a number of occasions she deems important, but really, who cares?

So here's the Dr. Phil question, what are you getting out of this? My SIL loves being the perfect one, oh so organized, with so many good ideas and it's such a shame no one else can keep up with her. Ha, ha. She flat out says to anyone who will listen that nothing would ever get done if she didn't plan and organize it. She loves to show people up.

Pps are right that you should invite your mom and MIL out to eat with your family and be done with it.

She may care because she's privvy to her mom's feelings, and understands it hurts her mom every time her kids don't acknowledge her. I know that's how I feel. My brother will break my mother's heart yet again by ignoring her on Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never get anything special unless I initiated it. That stopped years ago because it was a lot of work.

My son's MIL gets the gifts and a food outing paid for. I get a card that looked scribbled on while driving to mail it so DIL doesn't find out.

I'm used to it but it does hurt a little. I have no expectations. I'm just a piece of shit.

I don't know if you're a piece of shit, but you sure do sound like someone with serious self-pity issues.

Is your son generally loving and good to you? If so, Mother's Day is a blip. If not, Mother's Day won't fix it.

Yes to that.

[Anonymous]

I'm the youngest in my family and I almost always take the lead on organizing Mothers Day and Fathers day for my parents. I also organize their big birthday celebrations (60, 65, 70). My siblings just don't operate like that. My parents also don't expect much, which helps.

Anyhow, just throwing that out there to dispel the idea that only the oldest ever plans for the parents.

My advice OP: talk to your siblings well in advance and plan something. If they resist, make a reservation for your family and both mother's and exclude the siblings. It can be for only a few hours, so if the other siblings want to do something at the last minute, they can do church/brunch/dinner with their mom...

[Anonymous]

I've just come to the conclusion that as long as both my mother and MIL are alive, the holiday is for them and not for me. No one else in my family (DH/siblings) seems to care about giving our moms are special day but it's important to me because they are important to me. I watched my mom work her ass off for years trying to make mother's day and father's day special for my grandparents. I will do the same for her and MIL now that my grandparents are gone.