Wives: Do you call your mother-in-law?

[Anonymous]

My husband is giving me a hard time because I don't pick up and call his mother once a week, just to chat. This isn't something I really do, even with my best friend, and while I have an okay relationship with my MIL, I don't really have anything to say to her. "So what's new?" I'll tell her, "Nothing; just work." She'll tell me she's been playing bridge and going to the movies - same as always.

So do you call your mother-in-law just to say hi? Am I as bad as my husband is making me out to be?

[Anonymous]

Does he call her? I'd really think that's his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he call her? I'd really think that's his job.

+1. How often does he call your dad? My guess is he's hoping you'll call her so he doesn't have to!

My MIL has now passed away but when she was alive I didn't initiate calls but if she or DH called each other I'd get on the phone and chat for a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Nope. We have a pretty good relationship and I text her pictures of DS and occassionally other things, but she calls my DH at work to chat. When we Skype with DS I talk with her then, but we don't have much of a relationship outside of DH/DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he call her? I'd really think that's his job.

+1. How often does he call your dad? My guess is he's hoping you'll call her so he doesn't have to!

My MIL has now passed away but when she was alive I didn't initiate calls but if she or DH called each other I'd get on the phone and chat for a few minutes.

He calls her probably a couple of times a week. I should get on the phone when he calls her from home, and that's something I can do going forward.

My parents are local and we see them about once a week. His mother lives about 5 hours away and we only see her a few times a year. It's always an awkward and boring visit.

[Anonymous]

Movies and bridge sounds like my MIL. Did your DH say why he wanted you to call? Is she feeling lonely or depressed? Is her health okay?

[Anonymous]

Oh no. no no no no no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. We have a pretty good relationship and I text her pictures of DS and occassionally other things, but she calls my DH at work to chat. When we Skype with DS I talk with her then, but we don't have much of a relationship outside of DH/DS.

OP here - I could see us communicating more if I had a child, but that hasn't happened yet. To be perfectly honest, I'm feeling resentful that she hasn't offered to help us pay for the costly fertility treatments that we need and can't really afford. I know, we're adults, it's not her job to pitch in, but she's a well-off widow and I'm chewing on some sour grapes at the moment. Go ahead and flame me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Movies and bridge sounds like my MIL. Did your DH say why he wanted you to call? Is she feeling lonely or depressed? Is her health okay?

He just feels that I should. I asked if she said something to him and he said no, I just ought to call her. To be fair, my grandmother is still alive and he initiates calls to her at least once a week. He's a much more sociable person than I am.

[Anonymous]

No, never but my MIL is 75 and can't hear very well. Saying that, I don't even talk to my own mom once a week. We have a good relationship and will talk several times a week if there's stuff going on, but most of the time, we speak every other week or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no. no no no no no.

+1 do not like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Movies and bridge sounds like my MIL. Did your DH say why he wanted you to call? Is she feeling lonely or depressed? Is her health okay?

He just feels that I should. I asked if she said something to him and he said no, I just ought to call her. To be fair, my grandmother is still alive and he initiates calls to her at least once a week. He's a much more sociable person than I am.

Wow, I'm impressed by this.

[Anonymous]

I text her pictures of my kids several times per week. I talk to her maybe 3 times per week. Usually to tell her something cute the kids did or said. But also to chat. She is very different from me. I really love her even though she does drive me a little crazy. She worries about ridiculous things. But she is 100 percent supportive with our parenting choices. And disagreement is kept to herself. She is generous with her time and advice and my kids love her. I know that by having a strong relationship with her it makes it easier for her to support us. I want to make her feel included.

[Anonymous]

No. I like my MIL very much and am much closer with her than my own mother. But I don't call her unless there's something specific to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Movies and bridge sounds like my MIL. Did your DH say why he wanted you to call? Is she feeling lonely or depressed? Is her health okay?

He just feels that I should. I asked if she said something to him and he said no, I just ought to call her. To be fair, my grandmother is still alive and he initiates calls to her at least once a week. He's a much more sociable person than I am.

He sounds very dutiful. I can see why you'd be reluctant b/c there's really nothing to "chat about." Maybe compromise with DH to call her every two weeks or once a month? Save up some anecdote to relate about your kid. Even if it's a short call and it feels artificial, it won't hurt.