How do I deal with this?
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Anonymous
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My mom and dad hate the idea of kids watching tv. Even if my kids watch it for 10 minutes my parents start complaining and saying in front of the kids that it's junk and that it will make them stupid. It kind of hurts my 7 year olds feelings, so I don't let my kids watch tv when my parents are here. They really don't understand kids. They say racial and sexist marks when they are around and they seem to be believing more in conspiracy therories now too. When they are here my father has on the news non stop and is online reading the news. My dad called my DH an asshole for yelling at the dog and putting him in our room because my dad was yelling at the dog for barking.
Well today my son was playing with Legos and my father told him that playing with toys will rot his brains and make him stupid. When I heard this I said to my dad what do you want him to do?? He's 7. I don't let him watch tv when your here. My dad said oh sorry. What do I do? Could this be dementia? I don't even want them to visit anymore. We never go to visit them because we would be stuck in their house and not able to leave if things got bad. They fight like crazy and never watch what they say in front of the kids, but they constantly ask why I don't visit. Things are starting to get worse with my dad saying crazy things. Any advice? He shot me down when I told him he may have dementia. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like he's slipping mentally. Would your mom be an ally in getting examined? |
Anonymous
| getting him examined |
Anonymous
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It might be dementia. He certainly has no empathy and wants to control everyone and everything around him. If he spends his visit cussing out everyone in the family (especially the kids), don't let him visit anymore and tell him it's because of his behavior.
P.S. - When he watches the news, it's not Fox News, is it? Fox News has caused a rash of irritable and paranoid older people in this country. It's like a bizarre addiction. |
Anonymous
are you and DH unable to drive? |
Anonymous
| Elderly people lose their filter. You just have to find a way to deal with it compassionately. They raised you. In 40 years, how will you want DS to treat you? |
Anonymous
| OP here. We fly into see them so we don't have a car to drive. |
Anonymous
OP here. How do I do this without it hurting my own family? |
Anonymous
The same way you manage other difficult people, OP. It's about balance. Yes, you owe your parents a lot, especially if they are aging and obviously showing signs of mental decline. On the other hand, your first and primary obligation is to your kids and nuclear family, including your DH. That puts you squarely in the middle, of course, left to do the best you can. Welcome to the Sandwich Generation. |
Anonymous
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You do this by not giving in to them, but in a loving way. When your parents say mean things to your kids, you say, we don't talk like that in our family.
In our family, we watch TV sometimes as a treat. Our kids are great, and a little TV never hurt anyone. Please don't talk to the kids that way. If you are going to talk to the kids/husband/each other that way we are going to leave. If you are going to talk to the kids/husband/each other that way you are going mohave to leave. I mean you go to dementia right away without ever even saying, cut it out Dad, this stuff is not acceptable. |
Anonymous
| I guess I was just looking for something to excuse his behavior. Or to give him a reason for it. My sister lives a few miles from them and she says he doesn't say crazy things like that to them. So if it's not dementia then why would he be saying these things? I try to not give him grounds to say batty things like not having the kids watch tv. He can't complain by them not doing it, but when they are playing with toys and he says something... I'm at a loss of what this could be. |
Anonymous
| If you are still going to let him come around, you just need to be vigilant in standing up for your kids and the way things are done in your family. I wouldn't not let the kids watch tv. Every inappropriate comment he made I'd call him on it. Not disrespectfully, but I wouldn't let it slide. It would be exhausting but that's what I'd do. |
Anonymous
| When people are out of their routines they are irritable. Old people especially, OP. Maybe your visits are too long. Maybe you should stay at a hotel. |
Anonymous
| If any of the grandparents told my kids that watching TV, that we allow, or playing with toys would make them stupid, I'd never have them visit again. You have a high tolerance for BS OP! Who thinks telling kids they're going to be stupid is appropriate? |
Anonymous
| OP here. If it were dementia wouldn't he be saying strange mean things to everyone? Not just my family? If |