Trying to make sure your aging parents don't get taken financially take advantage of

[Anonymous]

My elderly parents have a large piece of land that has been in our family for generations.

It didn't used to be all that valuable but now has appreciated due to development in the area.

I would say it could be worth as much as 4 or 5 million dollars, so the stakes are pretty high.

I have one sibling but he is an artist - not with it w/r/t law, business, etc., so he is not someone who can help much.

Parents are thinking of selling it to fund their retirement. Developers frequently approach them about buying it.

My parents are not mentally incompetent. But they are experiencing some cognitive issues (diagnosed).

I feel they might get taken advantage of - my dad is negotiating and looking over contracts himself, his "comps" are just word of mouth ("oh so and so sold his for X ten years ago") for ex, rather than hiring a real estate attorney. (he used to practice law but has no experience in real estate development.) They don't seem to fully understand how much the land has appreciated.

I am trying to encourage them to hire a lawyer, maybe interview real estate brokers, etc., helping with logistics, but my dad seems to think he can handle this with no lawyers or brokers on his end.

This is stressful to me and I was expressing my stress to my boyfriend. He said I either take them to court and get them declared incompetent (no way am I doing that at this point) or stay out of it because it is my dad's land. (Well - it is family land tho - my dad did not buy it himself.) And I want my parents to have plenty of cash for their old age - I think they will need round the clock care before too long. He expressed this in a very unsympathetic way, uncaring way.

So my first q is - what is my appropriate role here? Isn't there a middle ground between getting your elderly parents declared incompetent and just doing nothing? (Both of my boyfriend's parents are the same age but in much better shape than my parents. They are mentally fine so he can't really relate. Also they are suburban so the concept of a family farm being passed down generation to generation is foreign to him.)

And my second q - I am upset that my boyfriend is not being more sympathetic....am I being overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Op here - long plus a mangled title - sorry!

[Anonymous]

OP - Where does your mother stand on this?

[Anonymous]

Interesting question. She was a SAHM and knows absolutely nothing about real estate, business, law. He handles their finances. And it is his family land.

[Anonymous]

OP - Sounds like you are interested in maximizing your inheritance. Can see why your boyfriend isn't sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

I'm more concerned that my parents aren't swindled so they have enough money to live comfortably. Their long term care is going to be expensive. I've heard round the clock care can be 125k a year per person. I don't want them in a mediocre addisted living place when they could've afforded a nicer one or home health care.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you call an agent or two in the area to see if you can get any info on comps? Also, try Zillow or one of the other real estate sites.

Have a similar but different family situation with the in-laws and DH is co-trustee of family estates (sounds fancier than it is) but includes a parcel of land similar to what you are dealing with and the value has been a big question mark.

My in-laws need the money for their retirement, as your parents do. Not for inheritance. The bills stack up quick with aging parents and medical care.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I think the best thing you can do is find an expert that you and your parents trust. Is there anyone in your circle that is an expert or can point to one? Have there been other farms in the area sold recently- by people that your family knew?

[Anonymous]

As my father aged, his financial advisor was invaluable. He really looked after my dad, helped us recognize when it was time to get power of attourney (a less drastic alternative to having them declared incompetent, but your dad has to agree to it) and convincing my dad to do it. Once the land is sold, your father is going to need a financial advisor to help him manage that wealth. Our was from Morgan Stanley. They seem pretty legit. Our guy was just wonderful.

[Anonymous]

I would approach your dad about getting an appraisal at your cost. There is no reason to get less for a property due to ignorance. Your bf is another issue...

[Anonymous]

Look for real estate agents in their area, and present your parents with a list of qualified real estate agents. If your parents still refuse to get an agent or attorney, call the agent you think is best and ask them to pitch their services to your parents. Explain that your parents don't think they need an agent, but you believe an agent will help them get the best deal. The agent will likely agree! If the property is really that valuable, an agent would be glad to try to sell their services to your folks. Maybe that will sway them. I agree with you that your parents should be represented, but I wouldn't try to declare them incompetent unless they really are.

[Anonymous]

12:21 here . . . I want to add that a well-regarded, highly recommended real estate agent in our area prepared a little phamphlet for my parents (before they signed on to have him represent them) to sort of pitch his services to them. It included some promotional material from the realtor (recommendations, info on his experience) and comps. This was his free service that helps him get clients. You could probably find someone who'll do something similar. GL!