Do you snub your siblings?

[Anonymous]

I have noticed large families that have no value, ignore or just plain marginalize siblings. I know there can be many reasons....but would you snub a sibling because they were not as wealthy, as smart, didn't know the "right" people, or because you felt like you were better than them? Would you snub siblings that embarass you ..... they were fat, didn't wear the "right" clothes...not talking about drug addicts or illegal behavoir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed large families that have no value, ignore or just plain marginalize siblings. I know there can be many reasons....but would you snub a sibling because they were not as wealthy, as smart, didn't know the "right" people, or because you felt like you were better than them? Would you snub siblings that embarass you ..... they were fat, didn't wear the "right" clothes...not talking about drug addicts or illegal behavoir.

How jealous are they? How many remarks do they make that are resentful and insecure?

Every time we see my husband's brother (a construction worker) he makes a lot of snotty remarks about how HE has to work for a living, even if none of his siblings do (lawyer, research chemist, computer programmer) do. We avoid the man like the plague.

[Anonymous]

Of course! My mother was ostracized for not marrying into one of the white conservative prominent families her parents expected.

My husband's SIL has tried to dissuade him from attending family events because of his "absent-minded professor" demeanor - not as sharply dressed and socially savvy as what she wants to be associated with.

It's part of the joys of family! Not.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My SIL does not like for us to attend events either--because we don't appear as wealthy or thin as she would like. We probably are almost as wealthy, just don't believe in wearing designer labels and such... We are overweight, in spite of trying to stay in shape.

Have heard through the grapevine that she will be having a luncheon after a particular event, and even though we are going to the event she has not yet invited us. Pretty typical. She has sometimes been very social with us, but manages her social circles so her less wealthy and fatter friends/relatives don't usually mix with the wealthier and thinner. When we invite her over she just acts bored out of her skull, which she would call me out on if I acted like that at her house.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are not snubbing you because of your clothes. maybe they just don't like your personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are not snubbing you because of your clothes. maybe they just don't like your personality.

THIS

I am thinner than my sister, I make about 15 times what she makes. I avoid her like the plague. Not because of her weight, or because of her money, nor because of her clothes or her career choices.

I avoid her because whenever I spend time with her, she dominates everything! She has to dictate where we go, when we go, what we eat, how long we stay, she monopolizes the conversation, says wierd shit that makes everyone (not just me) roll their eyes. Even if she was a skinny millionairess, I'd still be avoiding any interaction with her.

[Anonymous]

We avoid my brother and his family, because they are so toxic in general but because they are completely insensitive to my special needs child.

[Anonymous]

No. No one in my extended family does this. There are siblings with a closer bond, but everyone is invited to everything.

[Anonymous]

No. We do not snub any of them on either side. We actually all have great relationships and enjoy each other's company. I do have one sibling who has not done much in left, in his opinion, and he shuns us out of embarrament. But he certainly is invited and encouraged to attend everything.

[Anonymous]

I don't snub any siblings, but I have an enjoyable one-on-one dynamic with two of mine, and my SIL, but not with one of my brothers. So the one-on-one interactions, I let those take their natural course and that communication flows based on mutual interest in maintaining a relationship. For the one sibling who belittles my values & my family, I include him on group communications - if I'm sending out photos to everyone, he's included. If I'm coordinating when to fly in for Christmas, he's part of the distribution list, but I don't proactively reach out on an individual basis to him, and I think that's more than fair given what he's said to me and my husband.

[Anonymous]

No. On both my husband's side and my side of the family we include siblings on all family events. And we have a wide variety of weights, incomes and views. I can't imagine what you are describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. On both my husband's side and my side of the family we include siblings on all family events. And we have a wide variety of weights, incomes and views. I can't imagine what you are describing.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if I snub my sibling. We have no hard feelings (didn't get along as kids and have 10 years age difference). I'm extremely close to my parents and often vacation with them and visit often. I call my parents daily.

From the outside maybe it looks like we snub sibling? She doesn't want to travel with us, vacation with us or do holidays (they have less money and are much younger). I'm not sure what the answer is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. On both my husband's side and my side of the family we include siblings on all family events. And we have a wide variety of weights, incomes and views. I can't imagine what you are describing.

Ditto.

Count your blessings. Many do not have your situation.

[Anonymous]

No.