SAHMs, how do you deal with the loneliness?

[Anonymous]

I would stay at home but feel so isolated. Kids are still young, 3 and 5, but I am at a point where all the other women stay at home or work, and recent posts show how well they see eye to eye! I work part-time. Point is, neither of those groups really gel with our schedule....

I know you SAHMS have some strategies. Please share.

[Anonymous]

I SAHM and I have many friends - WOHMs and SAHMs - that I socialize with. I have the stuff I do around the house, my hobbies etc, and frankly, after the kids come back from school, I am running around with them for various activities. Even when my kids were little, I was busy and not lonely.

I think you need to ask why you are lonely? You can be lonely regardless of your work situation. Do you and your DH spend time together as a couple or is it all chores and being with the kids?

[Anonymous]

It is lonely - sometimes more so than others. I made a few “good” friends that I saw once or twice a week. I also scheduled activities once to three times a week. That all keeps us pretty busy. Winter was hard bc we couldn’t get outside and anything inside was so germy DC got sick and we ended up staying in a lot. But the rest of the year we just try to make a point to get out every day. I’m at a point now where when I go to the park I almost always run into someone I know. Even if they aren’t my BFF, it’s nice to have a little friendly chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay at home but feel so isolated. Kids are still young, 3 and 5, but I am at a point where all the other women stay at home or work, and recent posts show how well they see eye to eye! I work part-time. Point is, neither of those groups really gel with our schedule....

I know you SAHMS have some strategies. Please share.

You are in a unique situation: Work just enough not to be available on Monday at 11am and other work-unfriendly times when SAHMs want to get together. But you don't work enough to be gone at work all the time and have work friends occupy most of your time. I am in a similar position and it stinks. SAHMs aren't really going to have viable solutions for you because your issue isn't really isolation as much as it is having the worst of all worlds (one foot in each world, but not fully immersed in either the SAHM/WOHM world).

[Anonymous]

Find friends with kids who don't nap or have partners work odd schedules.

[Anonymous]

I find working PT te best of both worlds actually. I have work friends and I could have SAHM friends. I don't, because I'm rather antisocial and I also have an older DC that keeps me busy, but I could!

Good luck, Most SAHMs I've me don't seem to care if I work PT or not. These boards are much more judge mental than reality.

[Anonymous]

I have preschoolers and elementary schoolers, and have a ton of volunteering work; many of my formerly stay at home friends now work part-time. This means we have to work harder to plan playdates and get-togethers, and that they are getting more infrequent, due to our busy schedules. We all used to stay home with our babies and got together pretty often and easily.

On the other hand, life is not boring at all!

The hard part is finding good friends. Then, even if you have a lot to do, you'll manage to see them somehow, because you like them so much.

[Anonymous]

"Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone."

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat. Work out west on east coast time, from home. So I start work at 6:30 before DD gets up, get her to school so take a break around 8 to do that, and then work until 3 pm/5 pm ET when I leave to go get her. I joke that I'm a stay at home mom with a full time job. I do a lot of video chatting at work, and in the fall I plan to spread my day out more and volunteer at the school, but that still won't make me available for those 11 am get togethers. Ah well. No answers, just commiserating.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation - work from home but am done by 2 p.m. in a neighborhood where everyone else gets home around 6.

I am hoping it gets better once we hit elementary.

[Anonymous]

I work out everyday and see my friends there. I also grab lunch with friends.

[Anonymous]

I work PT and I love it! I'm a regular at the gym and do a 3xs a week boot camp and have met many people through that. there have also been some FT working moms who WFH who come to the class. Most of my socializing goes on evenings anyways. I'm either at the gym, doing something with the kids, or working during the day.

[Anonymous]

I work pt on the weekends just to stay connected to the adult world and my profession. I'm SAHM the rest of the week. It IS lonely if you set your day up to be that way. This week was terribly isolating because toddler has croup and so we couldn't leave the house. What helped was texting with my friends, mother and husband during the day. Checked in with my husband at one point to ask him if he was feeling totally stimulated at work. Also asked him how many people he talked to that day. His response: Everyone is out of the office today and I'd rather be home because I'm so bored at work.

It helps to remind myself that I really do have control over how much I want to socialize vs be isolated. If I'm feeling isolated, I try to look at how I set my day up and then make changes by scheduling playdates and getting out.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I think it depends where you live. In Arlington there are tons of activities and social gatherings for Moms so no loneliness here.

[Anonymous]

Look on meetup. There are a bunch of groups.

Jammin Java or whatever the equivalent in DC us.

Mother's morning out co-op.

pack a picnic lunch and meet your husband at his work.