What If You Have No Dreams for Your Child?

[Anonymous]

My topic is motivated by the one where the poor Mom is "devastated" that her son would choose something other than an Ivy school. She talks about this being her dream for her child. I find this very odd. I do not have any particular dream for my DD. I want her to be a happy, well adjusted adult who will find her own way in the world - just as my two siblings and I did. I find it so strange that people have specific dreams for their child. Beyond setting out the price parameters, my parents were not even involved in my college decision-making. I graduated from a good university and have been working successfully in my chosen career fields for more than 20 years. In fact, I am a recognized expert among my peers, some of whom have Ivy degrees. My sister graduated from a Big State U down South and also has been successful. She managed ski resorts out West before marrying nd having 3 kids. Her DH has his own business and she can afford to be a SAHM. She got where she wanted by initially following her dream. My brother is the only one who may have come close to giving at least my Dad his vicarious experience, if he had one. He graduated from one of the Service academies (the wrong one for our family) and is a high ranking officer slated for a Pentagon slot before he retires some time in the next four years. What he didn't get and wanted - following two combat tours in Iraq - was a command. He realizes now that politics plays as much of a role in these decisions as does competence, so he is not bitter. He is thankful for the career he has had and is ready to move on!

I only care that my DD will be able to follow her dreams, not mine, and that she will be successful in those. That is my dream for my child.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone should have dreams or goals. The only goal or dream I have is to win the Lottery

[Anonymous]

Was that about your children or a brag?

[Anonymous]

Ok

[Anonymous]

And if she dreams of being a porn star? I'm not going to lie, I do have dreams. Not so specific, but dreams of college, for example. I don't care if either stays home with kids, but I'm dreaming they have already established a career with income potential to support themselves just in case. And so on.

[Anonymous]

I have dreams for my children. I want them to be financially secure, I want them to be healthy, I want them to have interesting lives, loving families, to be healthy risk-takers, to be independent thinkers. I want them to live long, healthy, productive lives. Where they go to college is a miniscule part of my dream for them.

[Anonymous]

My dream for my children is that they grow up to be happy and healthy adults. I want them to find jobs they love. They don't need to have prestige or be high paying but I would hope they make enough to support a middle class life. I expect my kids to go to college but will let them decide on the college that fits them.

[Anonymous]

I think if you can't be bothered to have a "dream" or vision for your child's future, that's pretty sad. It's natural for parents and I think even your own kid expects. Saying you having nothing, means you basically don't care about their future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you can't be bothered to have a "dream" or vision for your child's future, that's pretty sad. It's natural for parents and I think even your own kid expects. Saying you having nothing, means you basically don't care about their future.

NP here, and I disagree with all of this.

My child is their own person, an individual not an extension of me. For me to have a specific dream or vision for what I want their future to look like seems odd to me. How do I kknoow what they're going to want or what will make them happy?

If I have "a vision" for my child's future that they will go to a good 4 year university, what if they choose to learn a trade instead? Have they failed me and I should now be disappointed? Are they somehow lesser than they were before in my eyes? Isn't their job choice valid?

Having that dream or vision makes a ton of assumptions and risks devaluing my child as a person. Having a specific dream beyond that they grow up to be a moral, happy, kind person makes little sense to me because I would prefer they chart their own specific future without any baggage from my ideas.

[Anonymous]

Everybody has dreams, but well-adjusted people know reality and do not condition their well-being on the decisions of their children. Some cultures place far greater importance to filial piety and adult children subordinating subordinating their needs/desires for their family/community. But, they have issues with modernity all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My topic is motivated by the one where the poor Mom is "devastated" that her son would choose something other than an Ivy school. She talks about this being her dream for her child. I find this very odd. I do not have any particular dream for my DD. I want her to be a happy, well adjusted adult who will find her own way in the world - just as my two siblings and I did. I find it so strange that people have specific dreams for their child. Beyond setting out the price parameters, my parents were not even involved in my college decision-making. I graduated from a good university and have been working successfully in my chosen career fields for more than 20 years. In fact, I am a recognized expert among my peers, some of whom have Ivy degrees. My sister graduated from a Big State U down South and also has been successful. She managed ski resorts out West before marrying nd having 3 kids. Her DH has his own business and she can afford to be a SAHM. She got where she wanted by initially following her dream. My brother is the only one who may have come close to giving at least my Dad his vicarious experience, if he had one. He graduated from one of the Service academies (the wrong one for our family) and is a high ranking officer slated for a Pentagon slot before he retires some time in the next four years. What he didn't get and wanted - following two combat tours in Iraq - was a command. He realizes now that politics plays as much of a role in these decisions as does competence, so he is not bitter. He is thankful for the career he has had and is ready to move on!

I only care that my DD will be able to follow her dreams, not mine, and that she will be successful in those. That is my dream for my child.

Well aren't you just the idealistic mom! Come on..EVERYONE has dreams for their kids. Whether or not you realize it, you have one too- your second line "I want her to be a happy well adjusted adult who will find her way in the world". THAT my dear is a dream whether you like it or not. Everyone has one or two for their kids..its totally natural. We all want whats best for our kids and yes that includes a dream.

That moms dream was for her kid to go to an Ivy, good for her. I give her credit for her honesty and openness in admitting and discussing it. I have dreams for my twin girls to go to the best school they can get into with luck one of them will attend an ivy. Will I be upset if that doesn't happen? Yes but we will move on and probably even grown from the experience of a setback or something not happening as we would like it. But come on, dreams.....are what make life fun and worth living!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you can't be bothered to have a "dream" or vision for your child's future, that's pretty sad. It's natural for parents and I think even your own kid expects. Saying you having nothing, means you basically don't care about their future.

+10000

[Anonymous]

I have all kinds of dreams for my kids-

that my son really will want to continue on his pre med path and go to medical school

that my D will marry her now current serious BF because we love him

that my youngest will make a certain team he has just tried out for and hopefully make varsity in the fall

Lots of dreams, if you don't I actually feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

One of my children is gifted yet learning disabled. My ambition/dream is that he overcome his disabilities to achieve his passion - namely, scientific research. Sometimes, I think he'll be a shoe-in for a PhD in a prestigious lab, and that he handle college classes now (in 5th grade)! And then when the teacher tells me about his behavior in class, I get depressed and think he won't even make it out of high school.
Kids with special needs are such a roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have all kinds of dreams for my kids-

that my son really will want to continue on his pre med path and go to medical school

that my D will marry her now current serious BF because we love him

that my youngest will make a certain team he has just tried out for and hopefully make varsity in the fall

Lots of dreams, if you don't I actually feel sorry for you.

What happens if your kids decide they don't want your dream for them?