What If You Have No Dreams for Your Child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My topic is motivated by the one where the poor Mom is "devastated" that her son would choose something other than an Ivy school. She talks about this being her dream for her child. I find this very odd. I do not have any particular dream for my DD. I want her to be a happy, well adjusted adult who will find her own way in the world - just as my two siblings and I did. I find it so strange that people have specific dreams for their child. Beyond setting out the price parameters, my parents were not even involved in my college decision-making. I graduated from a good university and have been working successfully in my chosen career fields for more than 20 years. In fact, I am a recognized expert among my peers, some of whom have Ivy degrees. My sister graduated from a Big State U down South and also has been successful. She managed ski resorts out West before marrying nd having 3 kids. Her DH has his own business and she can afford to be a SAHM. She got where she wanted by initially following her dream. My brother is the only one who may have come close to giving at least my Dad his vicarious experience, if he had one. He graduated from one of the Service academies (the wrong one for our family) and is a high ranking officer slated for a Pentagon slot before he retires some time in the next four years. What he didn't get and wanted - following two combat tours in Iraq - was a command. He realizes now that politics plays as much of a role in these decisions as does competence, so he is not bitter. He is thankful for the career he has had and is ready to move on!

I only care that my DD will be able to follow her dreams, not mine, and that she will be successful in those. That is my dream for my child.

I agree with you, OP. Watching my children become who they are has been the most rewarding part of motherhood so far. I don't have a particular script they have to follow.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for OP's kids, no dreams for them? Very sad.

[Anonymous]

I have a dream for my DS: that someday, somehow he does his homework and turn it in. It isn't his dream. I'm not ready to give it up yet, though, and it makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for OP's kids, no dreams for them? Very sad.

Why? This way they can make and achieve their own, not hers.

[Anonymous]

I think these are all dreams, just different kinds of dreams. If you want your kid to be happy, that's a dream. If you want your kid to go to a prestigious college, that's a dream.

Personally, I come from a family of trauma and my dream is that my kids avoid spectacular drama in their lives. That they are self-sufficient, happy, and find love, and that they are unencumbered by anxiety. Those would be major achievements in my book.

[Anonymous]

To say you have no dreams for your kid means then that you don't care about what school they go to, or what if any rules you set for them about electronics or bedtimes or what to eat or not, etc.

Because we do these things, albeit differently, because we are investing in our children's future, and that is because we have dreams about what we think would make them happy in the future.

So the overarching dream/goal (of many parents) is that their kids are well-adjusted and happy.

Sub-dreams are really differing strategies about what will get their kids that goal. That other post was about a mom who seemed to be stuck on that one strategy, the Ivy-league strategy, as either the only strategy to attain the goal of happiness, or, she had substituted that strategy FOR the goal.

I think the OP was fuzzy in her writing when discussing dreams in a way that confused goals, strategies and tactics.

I can't speak for her, but I think she was trying to get to the idea that some people confuse strategies (Ivy school) with the ultimate goal (happiness).

So it's the confused talking about the confused, lol

While I do agree with OP that the other post, the ivy league post, reflected a view that was disheartening, I also agree with PPs who say at least ivy-league mom was honest and trying to work through it. Also the hard part about OP's post is the sanctimonious tone overlaying an ill-thought-out and poorly written argument.

[Anonymous]

I have a dream for my DS: that someday, somehow he does his homework and turn it in. It isn't his dream. I'm not ready to give it up yet, though, and it makes me sad.

Don't give up, PP! Your child will come around, eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My topic is motivated by the one where the poor Mom is "devastated" that her son would choose something other than an Ivy school. She talks about this being her dream for her child. I find this very odd. I do not have any particular dream for my DD. I want her to be a happy, well adjusted adult who will find her own way in the world - just as my two siblings and I did. I find it so strange that people have specific dreams for their child. Beyond setting out the price parameters, my parents were not even involved in my college decision-making. I graduated from a good university and have been working successfully in my chosen career fields for more than 20 years. In fact, I am a recognized expert among my peers, some of whom have Ivy degrees. My sister graduated from a Big State U down South and also has been successful. She managed ski resorts out West before marrying nd having 3 kids. Her DH has his own business and she can afford to be a SAHM. She got where she wanted by initially following her dream. My brother is the only one who may have come close to giving at least my Dad his vicarious experience, if he had one. He graduated from one of the Service academies (the wrong one for our family) and is a high ranking officer slated for a Pentagon slot before he retires some time in the next four years. What he didn't get and wanted - following two combat tours in Iraq - was a command. He realizes now that politics plays as much of a role in these decisions as does competence, so he is not bitter. He is thankful for the career he has had and is ready to move on!

I only care that my DD will be able to follow her dreams, not mine, and that she will be successful in those. That is my dream for my child.

So you do have a dream for your child. Why are you acting like you don't have a dream for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody has dreams, but well-adjusted people know reality and do not condition their well-being on the decisions of their children. Some cultures place far greater importance to filial piety and adult children subordinating subordinating their needs/desires for their family/community. But, they have issues with modernity all around.

This is the most sensible response on the thread. Have dreams, fine. Just know life happens, your kids aren't you, and be flexible to what will be,