If your son didn't talk to you much at in preschool/elem, how is he now? Anything help?

[Anonymous]

My six year old just doesn't talk much. We're very close, we do activities together (garden, soccer, bowling), we play board games and build things. But he isn't a talker. When he has school or a drop off activity, I can never get any information out of him about how it went. Asking open ended questions doesn't work (what was the funniest thing that happened today?"), hanging out and waiting for info doesn't work. He just doesn't want to share.

Most of the time, if there's something bothering him it will come out at some point. But he's just so quiet! I come from a family of sharers. We like to talk everything though. I'm working to accept DS as he is, and not pressure him. BUT if your son is similar, is there anything you'd recommend I do now to help later? I am bothered by how little I know about his day to day activities, and he's only 6! And it's not like elementary school teachers are very forthcoming.

[Anonymous]

Don't keep pushing, you will only stress him out.

[Anonymous]

You do know that this is very common, right?

Since we are all introverts in the family, it doesn't shock me as much as you, but I also have a non-sharer. At 10, he is now slightly more forthcoming, and even asks *me* about my day! It took years of training for that

[Anonymous]

One of my friends has a son who is similar. They share a notebook and exchange letters in it. He's a lot more willing to share in written form.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the written word. You can flat out say "Tell me three things about your day. I'll tell you three about mine." You can also go all kiddie psychologist on him and whip out some GI Joes and say "What do you think GI Joe did at his school?" and stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, my now 12 DD was much like your son. Once she hit middle school, she became a big talker, came into her own. I never forced her to talk to me, because it did stress her out. Her lack of conversation also affected friendships in elem. school (meaning she didn't have as many friends). Now, she has blossomed. She's always been a good writer so at least I knew how she was in the written word if not the spoken one.

I am an introvert. As a society, I think people always notice the extroverts, the chatty ones. Being quiet is OK. Being an introvert is OK.

[Anonymous]

My son never told me about his day. Until just now, as he turned 8. I think it's pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. My boys have always been like this. I had some brief flashes of luck getting them to write in journals here and there, or draw cartoons (think Wimpy Kid) about things. I'm so thankful for my girl, who actually tells me things now and then.

[Anonymous]

Something we've done at the dinner table is "2 greats and a downer" where we share 2 good things from the day and one not-so-good. The not-so-good might be something like "I didn't like my snack today". But it's something.

[Anonymous]

My son was like this and still is at 14. He talks a ton if something interests him and he is a great listener, but he is quiet. So is my H - I married and produced introverts - that's just the way they are.

[Anonymous]

My DD didn't talk much when she started K. Getting any information out of her was like pulling teeth. Now she's a chatter box. So don't push it, it will come naturally with time.

[Anonymous]

My 6 yo boy isn't a huge talker either but I find two things that have worked.

I ask specific questions. Not open-ended. If I ask how his day was, it's always just 'good'. But, if I ask 'Whata did you play at recess?' or 'Who did you sit next to at lunch?' or 'What Math Tub did you get in Math Centers today?'... It sometimes leads to more talking. Sometimes he straight up says he doesn't feel like talking and then I back off.

I sit with him at bedtime and scratch his back with the lights off. Sometimes he is chatty at that time. Maybe he is just trying to postpone bedtime, but whatever!

[Anonymous]

Funniest thing that happened at school
Debate camp at W&M SEP
model UN
Watching jeopardy! Together
Issue of the day at dinner or family breakfast if we can't manage schedules: each one of us gets a turn to share opinion

[Anonymous]

As an extrovert with an introverted son I found some good insights in a book called "Quiet".
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

Also, when my son was in elementary school I'd try to do chore with him like load or empty the dishwasher or sort laundry where the focus was on the task, not him. I found that sometimes he'd just start talking about his day then.

[Anonymous]

How about commenting on other things other than about himself. Would he say anything?