If your son didn't talk to you much at in preschool/elem, how is he now? Anything help?

[Anonymous]

I just ask my DS "if anything good or bad happened today" and he usually responds, "same ol same ol." I force myself into silence and he general answers me a bit later.

[Anonymous]

My son has always been quiet and he is now 12. I worry all the time about it, but try to realize that he is not unhappy. He definitely has an inner confidence, which is great. Now that he is in middle school, I have been trying to put him in fun after school activities which puts him in smaller groups with kids at school. I feel like it makes it easier to meet other kids. My worry is that in the big public schools, if you can't speak up in class, you will end up slipping through the cracks. This is his personality, and who he is at this age, I don't think it will change.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's the setting. Try asking at a point when you are tossing the ball or maybe after reading a book together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6 yo boy isn't a huge talker either but I find two things that have worked.

I ask specific questions. Not open-ended. If I ask how his day was, it's always just 'good'. But, if I ask 'Whata did you play at recess?' or 'Who did you sit next to at lunch?' or 'What Math Tub did you get in Math Centers today?'... It sometimes leads to more talking. Sometimes he straight up says he doesn't feel like talking and then I back off.

I sit with him at bedtime and scratch his back with the lights off. Sometimes he is chatty at that time. Maybe he is just trying to postpone bedtime, but whatever!

OP, you could be describing my son! It used to really bother me that I knew nothing about his day but didn't push it since I didn't want him to pull into his shell even more. The suggestions above are great and were ones I used as well. For our nighttime talks I would usually start by telling him something I heard about that is happening at school or with kids he knows, or a subject I know he enjoys. I didn't usually ask him to answer any questions at that point (unless it was a "You really like science, right? Well, let me tell you about this cool story I heard today), just let it be a 'conversation' and he would often comment on the subjects I brought up.

One other thing I did (and still do) is tell HIM about MY day. Usually at dinner I'll bring up interesting things about my day, tell my family about my crazy colleagues, or ask opinions on how to approach a specific situation - essentially modeling the behavior I wanted to see in him (as we as parents try to do ). He's now 10 and has begun really opening up about his day, often offering stories or opinions without being prompted. Will it continue, no clue, but at least I've had this brief glimpse.

I think the best thing you can do is hang in there, don't push him but show him you're there if he wants to talk, model the behavior you want to see in him, then cross your fingers and hope it works!