S/O Estate Problems (that aren't really problems, maybe?)

[Anonymous]

This is only kind of a "problem". My in-laws, who I believe are fairly well off, have decided that as part of their estate planning they are going to gift a house, over the course of many years, to their four children. It is not their primary residence - it is a vacation home - but it is good sized. I think this provides them with a way to "gift" some of the value of their estate, while still enabling them to use the home, for the next ten years. Three of the children live about three hours away from the house, and already use it regularly for weekend getaways. Two of the three couples are big earners - probably bringing in 7 figures annually. DH and I live on the other side of the country -- and, given the lack of proximity to an airport, it would take us about 10-11 hours of traveling, with multiple flights, to get to the house. We have three kids and a very tight budget. So realistically, we will almost never use the home when it becomes partially "ours". To some extent, it is what it is, the house will be an asset on paper, and while I feel DH is getting the short stick in the situation, his parents made this decision about giving away their money and it's their call. But, I'm kind of worried that this "gift" is actually going to cost us money.... I'm assuming that at some point we will be on the hook for a portion of the property taxes and house upkeep. Additionally, when the other families inevitably decide it's time to redo the house (and they will be right), I'm worried we will be expected to contribute 1/4 of the funding. Beyond the fact that we simply don't have extra $$ in our budget, it would be crazy for us to invest in this. FIL suggested maybe one of the other kids would buy us out, but I'm not sure what their motivation would be since they would have use of the house whenever they want it already. Anyway, what quesitons should my DH be asking and how do we approach this -- I don't want to appear ungrateful for this "gift" but if it actually is just a liability and a potential source of conflict with DH's siblings, I'm wondering if DH has a legal right to decline the gift? Do we try to rent it out three months a year to cover our costs (no one would want that and I don't even know it would be allowed)? The family is communication-challenged -- there are never ever discussions of important topics. They just say things in passing and hope it sticks. So there has been no discussion of an ownership agreement, etc.

[Anonymous]

This is only kind of a "problem".

If it is a problem at all, it is your DH's problem and not yours.

My in-laws, who I believe are fairly well off, have decided that as part of their estate planning they are going to gift a house, over the course of many years, to their four children. It is not their primary residence - it is a vacation home - but it is good sized. I think this provides them with a way to "gift" some of the value of their estate, while still enabling them to use the home, for the next ten years.

Their money, their house, their decision.

Three of the children live about three hours away from the house, and already use it regularly for weekend getaways. Two of the three couples are big earners - probably bringing in 7 figures annually. DH and I live on the other side of the country -- and, given the lack of proximity to an airport, it would take us about 10-11 hours of traveling, with multiple flights, to get to the house. We have three kids and a very tight budget. So realistically, we will almost never use the home when it becomes partially "ours".

First off, if your ILs are smart (and have a good lawyer), it won't become yours & DH's; it will become your DH's. He is their son. Whatever they leave, they will leave to him, presumably. Second - again, their money, their house, their decision. Your specific living arrangements are your concern and not theirs.

To some extent, it is what it is, the house will be an asset on paper, and while I feel DH is getting the short stick in the situation, his parents made this decision about giving away their money and it's their call. But, I'm kind of worried that this "gift" is actually going to cost us money.... I'm assuming that at some point we will be on the hook for a portion of the property taxes and house upkeep.

If your DH is concerned about this, he should talk to his parents.

Additionally, when the other families inevitably decide it's time to redo the house (and they will be right), I'm worried we will be expected to contribute 1/4 of the funding. Beyond the fact that we simply don't have extra $$ in our budget, it would be crazy for us to invest in this. FIL suggested maybe one of the other kids would buy us out, but I'm not sure what their motivation would be since they would have use of the house whenever they want it already.

Their motivation would be a larger share of the house (and therefore a larger portion of the proceeds in the event of a sale).

Anyway, what quesitons should my DH be asking and how do we approach this -- I don't want to appear ungrateful for this "gift" but if it actually is just a liability and a potential source of conflict with DH's siblings, I'm wondering if DH has a legal right to decline the gift?

Yes, of course he does.

Do we try to rent it out three months a year to cover our costs (no one would want that and I don't even know it would be allowed)? The family is communication-challenged -- there are never ever discussions of important topics. They just say things in passing and hope it sticks. So there has been no discussion of an ownership agreement, etc.

Your DH, his parents and his siblings need to meet with a good lawyer to discuss how to handle this.

[Anonymous]

13:22, do you not budget jointly with your spouse? I don't see how the financial downside of this is only a problem for OP's DH -- if he is asked/required to pay for things, that money comes out of OP's pocket as well, assuming she and her DH pool their funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:22, do you not budget jointly with your spouse? I don't see how the financial downside of this is only a problem for OP's DH -- if he is asked/required to pay for things, that money comes out of OP's pocket as well, assuming she and her DH pool their funds.

+1. OP and her DH are a team, as they should be. It is a problem for both.

I think the solution would be to tell in laws that you'd rather have cash or something similar left for you in the will (furniture, jewelry, extra cash). It's not fair to be left a vacation home you don't want.

[Anonymous]

Ask to speak to their estate lawyer. Most likely the house will be owned by a trust, so DH doesn't have to be part of the trust (I forgot the term.. trustee? beneficiary?). He'd have to sign on to be part of the trust, so he can just not do so. Then no ownership stake, and no responsbilities.

Other way is to get the other siblings to buy out his share.

[Anonymous]

Ask the siblings to buy him out. If they make so much, it shouldn't be a problem. Surely they realize that you will never use the house.

[Anonymous]

You stated that the gifting of the house will take 10 years. Does that mean in 10 years, all the siblings will be responsible for taxes, upkeep, etc on the house? Or are the parents prepared to handle all bills until their death? Talk to the attorney. You need answers before you can make a decision.

[Anonymous]

I am scratching my head that OP is bitching about receiving a property. Of course you can decline and she knows that what she is hoping is for someone to feel bad for her. I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask the siblings to buy him out. If they make so much, it shouldn't be a problem. Surely they realize that you will never use the house.

This. If/when the siblings talk about repairs, upkeep, taxes that would be a perfect time to bring this up.

[Anonymous]

Nip this in the bud and decline.

[Anonymous]

Don't even get involved with this house thing. The other 3 will NOT buy out and WILL expect you to pay for taxes & upkeep. Avoid.

[Anonymous]

nonsense. Most likely they'd happily buy him out. My dad bought his siblings out of the vacation house they inherited because they needed the money and he loved the house, and he lets them use it any time they want. We four kids will inherit it, and if anyone didn't want it, I'm sure the others would buy him/her out.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure they'd be happy to buy you out. Otherwise, you can force a partition and make them buy you out. Don't borrow trouble.

[Anonymous]

Shared houses ruin families. Take it from someone who knows, nothing good comes from it. OP, you already stated that your family doesn't communicate well, get out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:22, do you not budget jointly with your spouse? I don't see how the financial downside of this is only a problem for OP's DH -- if he is asked/required to pay for things, that money comes out of OP's pocket as well, assuming she and her DH pool their funds.

+1. OP and her DH are a team, as they should be. It is a problem for both.

I think the solution would be to tell in laws that you'd rather have cash or something similar left for you in the will (furniture, jewelry, extra cash). It's not fair to be left a vacation home you don't want.

Yikes -- I don't think I would do this. But I would say, "It's nice that you want us all to share the house. We have a lot of happy memories of the place, and if our situation were different, we'd want to. But between the distance and the cost of upkeep and taxes, we would rather just be left out of the transfer."

Then maybe someone else suggests buying you out or leaving you something else. Or maybe you just get less. Or nothing. You're not behind where you would have been in any case.